Here Have A Cookie
Member
Well, I came across this place while searching “loneliness” on Google and I’ve been looking around here for a while now, thinking of whether or not I want to join. It seems like a pretty good place for me so far. I guess I finally caved in and joined because I need help and I’m not getting that from the people in my life right now, so I figured this is the best I can do. I hope I can find some people here who know how I feel and how to help me because I’m getting pretty desperate at this point. It feels like I’m running low on options now, and something has to work soon or else I’ll be stuck like this forever and I can’t live that way.
So anyway. Where to start? I guess with the fact that I’ve always been kind of an outcast in my life, or at least I’ve always felt like one. I’m 17, going on 18, and I feel like a loser. Basically, the whole story is this: I’m lonely. Really lonely. I don’t have any friends because I’m shy and awkward, and also overweight, so no one really wants to be friends with me. I also don’t have a boyfriend. Actually, I’ve never had a boyfriend, never been kissed or even held hands with a guy before. I have some pretty bad self-esteem and confidence issues that keep me from being able to really talk to people. In school I was always quiet and shy, so quiet that no one ever noticed me. And the only people who ever noticed me were the people who were making fun of me all the time.
In fact, I dropped out of high school in March because I got sick of all the honeysuckle. My parents agreed to give permission as long as I promised that I would finish school online when we got the internet. Since then my life has been uneventful. Now I basically spend my days in my room, writing bad poems and listening to music, not going anywhere except for the library. I feel so lonely. And I know it's partly my fault because I shut myself off so much. But, in my defense, I live in a small town that has nothing going on, ever. Where am I going to go? What good place is there to meet anyone?
Right now I have two things that I really want that my shyness and self-esteem issues are getting in the way of me having: the first thing is, I want a best friend. A real best friend who I can talk about anything with, someone to be close to. I've never had a friend like that before. All the friends I've ever had were kind of on the surface friends, we'd talk and joke and laugh but it was all light-hearted stuff. We never got deep. I want the deep kind of friendship. The second thing I really want is a boyfriend. I've never had a boyfriend, like I said earlier. Quite frankly, I don't see why any guy would even want to be with me, though that might just be my self-hate talking. I know I'm overweight, which makes me very unattractive to guys, but I'm not dog-ugly (or at least that's what I like to think). I'm really starting to wonder if anyone will ever be attracted to me, though.
Anyway, I don't really know what I expect to get out of this. To be honest, I've been on other forums before and none of them really seemed to help. I didn't get very good advice. A lot of it was people telling me they don't know what to say, or else it was cliché advice that sounded so simple it made me want to tear my hair out strand by strand and cry. Like I said earlier, I feel like I'm running very low on options. I feel like if this doesn't work then that's it for me. That's why a lot of my hope is riding on this one place and I'm really scared about where my life is going. I'm scared I'll have to spend the rest of my life alone. Please help.
So anyway. Where to start? I guess with the fact that I’ve always been kind of an outcast in my life, or at least I’ve always felt like one. I’m 17, going on 18, and I feel like a loser. Basically, the whole story is this: I’m lonely. Really lonely. I don’t have any friends because I’m shy and awkward, and also overweight, so no one really wants to be friends with me. I also don’t have a boyfriend. Actually, I’ve never had a boyfriend, never been kissed or even held hands with a guy before. I have some pretty bad self-esteem and confidence issues that keep me from being able to really talk to people. In school I was always quiet and shy, so quiet that no one ever noticed me. And the only people who ever noticed me were the people who were making fun of me all the time.
In fact, I dropped out of high school in March because I got sick of all the honeysuckle. My parents agreed to give permission as long as I promised that I would finish school online when we got the internet. Since then my life has been uneventful. Now I basically spend my days in my room, writing bad poems and listening to music, not going anywhere except for the library. I feel so lonely. And I know it's partly my fault because I shut myself off so much. But, in my defense, I live in a small town that has nothing going on, ever. Where am I going to go? What good place is there to meet anyone?
Right now I have two things that I really want that my shyness and self-esteem issues are getting in the way of me having: the first thing is, I want a best friend. A real best friend who I can talk about anything with, someone to be close to. I've never had a friend like that before. All the friends I've ever had were kind of on the surface friends, we'd talk and joke and laugh but it was all light-hearted stuff. We never got deep. I want the deep kind of friendship. The second thing I really want is a boyfriend. I've never had a boyfriend, like I said earlier. Quite frankly, I don't see why any guy would even want to be with me, though that might just be my self-hate talking. I know I'm overweight, which makes me very unattractive to guys, but I'm not dog-ugly (or at least that's what I like to think). I'm really starting to wonder if anyone will ever be attracted to me, though.
Anyway, I don't really know what I expect to get out of this. To be honest, I've been on other forums before and none of them really seemed to help. I didn't get very good advice. A lot of it was people telling me they don't know what to say, or else it was cliché advice that sounded so simple it made me want to tear my hair out strand by strand and cry. Like I said earlier, I feel like I'm running very low on options. I feel like if this doesn't work then that's it for me. That's why a lot of my hope is riding on this one place and I'm really scared about where my life is going. I'm scared I'll have to spend the rest of my life alone. Please help.
