Tips On Being Alone?

This is an opportunity for you to dispense some advice, because I need some. If you are someone who thinks that being alone is great, or if you once thought that being alone was unpleasant but you changed something so that now you prefer being alone, I NEED YOU. lol

What do you do to make your solitude bearable?

Let me explain: There was a day when I liked being alone. In fact, I preferred it. I did things on my own all the time, and it was as natural to me as breathing. I'd go to movies alone, play solitaire games, make stuff, write, and just have fun.

Then, my life changed. Due to a marriage and a job that forced me to be social with tons of people, I was almost a popular guy. Being alone was no longer possible for me, but I adapted to this very social life quite easily.

Then, I got divorced, and I took a less social job, and that's when my life slowly morphed into what it is now, one where I have loads of free time and no one to do anything with. The difference is, I hate it. Quite seriously, I hate the fact that I have so much alone time and I find it very difficult to cope.

So, the question is, how do I regain that earlier feeling of joy in my own solitude that I had before my "social period" when I was alone? When I'm alone now, I frequently get sad. Sure, I'll still do stuff. I'll watch a movie, and that pulls me out of it. I'll listen to music, and that pulls me out of it. But whenever I am not doing something, I go right back to feeling isolated and uncomfortable and sad.

Any thoughts on how to regain my happiness for solitude?

Case said:

So, the question is, how do I regain that earlier feeling of joy in my own solitude that I had before my "social period" when I was alone? When I'm alone now, I frequently get sad. Sure, I'll still do stuff. I'll watch a movie, and that pulls me out of it. I'll listen to music, and that pulls me out of it. But whenever I am not doing something, I go right back to feeling isolated and uncomfortable and sad.

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Maybe you can't. Maybe before you were happy because you didn't know any better and now you do. I think when I was younger being alone was great because I had for 18 years or so had other people constantly in my face. So my solitude for as much as 10 years was amazing. But when solitude becomes the norm for a long time... and things flip so that solitude is the norm of course now being with others is going to seem appealing.

How about a roommate?

Being on your own gives you the opportunity to please yourself & invest in what you want to do, to spend time learning more about yourself-you might find out things that surprise you!

For me I have been enjoying eating what pleases me without having to consider what someone else wants to eat, it sounds like such a small thing but food is a huge part of my life, I have never enjoyed cooking so much as I do now.

Alma lost her spoon said:

Being on your own gives you the opportunity to please yourself & invest in what you want to do, to spend time learning more about yourself-you might find out things that surprise you!

For me I have been enjoying eating what pleases me without having to consider what someone else wants to eat, it sounds like such a small thing but food is a huge part of my life, I have never enjoyed cooking so much as I do now.

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I agree with this. Take up new hobbies, get a better sense of who you are. Stay busy so you don't have time to think. Volunteering is also a good option. It will make you feel better about yourself, while you are helping other people.

This isn't unlike what happened to me as well. I grew up doing everything alone, it became natural. I was content and comfortable with my solitude. Then I made a very close friend, a real one, and for a brief period it enriched my life and brought me joy. Then they were gone, and I went back to being alone, only I wasn't content with it anymore, and I can't cope with it the way I used to. I fell into grief, depression and loneliness. I've often wished I could go back to being alright with sustained solitude, but I haven't been able to. I'm still seeking solutions to this problem for myself.

I hope this thread helps you.

Case said:

What do you do to make your solitude bearable?

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It has occurred more than once that I appreciated solitude much easier after I spend just a some hours in public (or in company). Working hours, appointments in town, shopping, weekend visits at my parents' home or school days...I find the continuous presence of most people quite draining, but I can't survive completely without it either.

Most of the time watching movies, listening to music and playing games fills the occasional "void" that's forming around me. At some point I started listening to show recordings of my favorite comedians on a regular basis. While I probably couldn't handle attending a concert or a show with other people present, I can enjoy them at home that way without obligations. Listening to their voices gives me some sort of pleasant company.

If everything fails, I go for a walk at dusk. Around here streets are empty after 8 pm, but the illuminated windows of people's houses are enough to give me a sense of company. Empty sidewalks offer a different kind of peacefulness for they are not always as quiet and serene as my apartment is.

it's shouldn't be total solitude though.
There is the internet, facebook etc.
Entertainment is miles better than it was. Sky tv, dvd's, more channels.
We have mobile phones now.
Always things to keep yourself occupied.

If that isn't enough then there are clubs, societies, loads of places to go to mix and make new friends.

My advice would be to just enjoy yourself. Try to anyway. Enjoy the time you have to be by yourself. Learn yourself better. I love the time I can spend alone because it's nice and quiet, and I think everyone needs that every now and then.

In my own case, I grew up feeling the need to be social and tried my best to be part of every social activity that was available to me. I had a lot of friends and hundreds of acquaintances, but I never felt whole really. When I finally accepted that I had depression and social anxiety, I fought it for a while, still in the mindset that I couldn't be happy alone. But once I decided to take a break from society, it helped open up my eyes to the possibilities of having a solitary and happy life. My break from society is when I decided to rent a little cabin in the mountains in 2007. It was just me and my dogs. At first I was very bored because all those years, I didn't really have any hobbies or passions. But, little by little, I started to enjoy things more, like walks alone, hiking in the woods, solitary kayak rides on the lake, snowshoeing and stargazing in the winter...then I developed some "indoor" hobbies like reading a lot, painting and writing. When I started doing my hobbies, I got lost in them and time flew by. When I felt the need to connect to someone, I went online. I started a blog and dove into the blogging community. When you start to leave comments on blogs and follow them, people do the same and suddenly you have a lot of blogger acquaintances and that gives you a lot to do by reading blogs, commenting and also writing your own blog posts every day too. I decided I would write on my blog daily and to keep my followers, I got into photography and posted little stories every day that had to do with the picture I took/posted. I also started to write a novel, and really got into it. I think that some good advice is to let nature help you out, hopefully you have some woods, mountains, beach or parks nearby...if not some clear skies. Also try to find a great hobby that becomes a passion.

What I stopped doing, what made me even more bored with life, was to watch tv all evening. I cut the cable out and never looked back. When you don't have a tv, you need to find ways to entertain yourself and that was how I found all the hobbies that I still enjoy today.

A furry friend?

Gaming?

Reconnect with old mates?

You can enjoy being selfish when you are alone. Doing whatever you want to do. Not having to worry about what someone else wants, which can feel good sometimes. You can use the time to focus on your career and better your future, or just enjoy the peace and quiet.

I usually have quite a few hobbies going on too. It gives me something to look forward to and occupy my mind. Some of them are just for fun and others benefit me mentally and physically. I always try to experience new things and become a better person. Who knows, maybe you will meet someone awesome by improving yourself that you normally wouldn't have.

Not to mention I don't cut out being social entirely. I still hang out with a few friends on occasion and keep up with my internet friends. So combining those few things usually keeps me happy, but everyone feels the need for companionship, that's normal. I'd just try to not let it get to you. Enjoy life and have fun.

Masturbation.

When I spend alot of time at home, alone I tend to over think things and make myself miserable. I think you've just got to try and keep yourself busy. If Ive got the whole day free I normally go out, even if Ive not really got anywhere to go. I usually just get the bus into town and have a wander around the shops or go to the library. Sometimes I just go for a walk around the park. I dont like to stay at home for the whole day, it seems to go really slow.
When I'm at home I usually keep myself busy with a movie, tv show or computer game.

Badjedidude said:

Masturbation.

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:club:

VanillaCreme said:

Badjedidude said:

Masturbation.

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:club:

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He speaketh the truth though.

SophiaGrace said:

VanillaCreme said:

Badjedidude said:

Masturbation.

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:club:

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He speaketh the truth though.

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If that's how BJD (or anyone else) chooses to use his solo time, that's up to him.

Case said:

SophiaGrace said:

VanillaCreme said:

Badjedidude said:

Masturbation.

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:club:

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He speaketh the truth though.

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If that's how BJD (or anyone else) chooses to use his solo time, that's up to him.

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That's BJD's answer to everything. lol

BJD isn't wrong, but more than that, just try to be yourself while you are alone. Do what you want to do, eat what and how you want to eat, etc, etc. Being alone isn't all that bad because you have only your own wishes to fulfill. Self-discovery is best if done alone, sometimes.

TheRealCallie said:

That's BJD's answer to everything. lol

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Almost everything.

I can relate to the series of events you described and where it has left you. unfortunately, I think that once you get a good taste of having people in your life, it's hard to fully return to where you used to be. Is seeking out company just not an option for you? Because I don't think there's a good substitute that would leave you happy overall.