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Rahvin

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There's a lot of members here that i'd really love to talk to, but I'm apprehensive and/or shy about PM'ing them because they don't really know me, or I don't know what i'd even talk about. Anybody else find it hard to PM? I know of a few that do already.
 
I just PM someone if I think they need cheering up, or if I have something in common, or if I think they are awesome and want to express it :)
 
I didn't PM anyone for months. Hang around long enough and you just kind of fall into it naturally. People here are largely friendly, so just fire a PM off to people when you feel ready... some people take ages to reply though *cough*
 
I've found it hard to PM, because since last Fall or so, I really haven't been in much of a state of mind to talk to anyone. I've barely even seen my offline friends, and when I have, I haven't had much to say.

It's not that I'm ignoring anyone or that I've lost interest or stopped caring about them and wondering how they are doing. Indeed, I am curious sometimes. It's just that I haven't been feeling well about certain things, a lot of things actually, and I feel that my thoughts would be from a gloomy place, and more negative than I'd like to share. I don't want to bring anyone else down with it. So I'm waiting until I feel better again.
 
Straight up, I've never PM'd a complete stranger ever since I joined this place. And "complete" refers to everybody who didn't PM me first for whatsoever reason, who didn't make a clear offer to PM him/her or who stated rather explicitly that he/she wouldn't mind at least...

So I've PM'd merely two people on my own accord.

It's plain old fear and the usual "It's no good" routine in my mind.
 
Its almost impossible for me to message someone first. Even if its a small message, I usually brood over it for hours before I actually send it. X_x But, I like to get messages sometimes. Its nice to be acknowledged.
 
For me the biggest worry with sending PMs was always that you may get no reply at all, nada. Sure, theoretically you could get a very rude reply (which is even worse, at least for me), but it happened to me just a few times in my whole life. “No reply” is a much more common situation (though still rather unlikely in ALL, I think.) No reply could mean just anything. For example:
Type 1 situation: They don't see much in common with you, or don't like something about you, they're just trying to be considerate and they don't want to hurt your feelings (nor want to lie to make an excuse). So, they don't reply at least partly for your own sake. Which is usually not a good idea, because you may be afraid that it could be a "Type 2 situation" - see below.
Type 2 situation: They think you're a creep, a stalker, a very unpleasant person (for them). So, they don't reply to protect themselves. They don't want to touch you with a 10 foot pole.

These are just two extreme examples, there're countless other possible nuances.

I've made a rule for myself: When I send a PM, I don't expect any reply. Or at least I imagine the situation that I don't get any reply. Should the foreseeable effect be devastating, maybe it's better not to PM in this case. Sure, even if you try not to expect a reply, and you get none, it still hurts deep down, but not so much. And if you get a reply, it's like a small X-Mas present.

Sure, for a lonely person it's much more difficult. Someone, who already has many friends, will just shrug it off: “So what if they don't like me or even find me <this> or <that>? Perhaps, I'm better off without talking to them (anymore).” On the other hand, if you hope to make your first friend in a long time (or ever), you bet a lot on it and you measure yourself by what the other person sees in you. If you realize this, you can prepare yourself, but still it will never be as easy as for a Mr./Ms. Sunshine.
 
Amthorn said:
I just PM someone if I think they need cheering up, or if I have something in common, or if I think they are awesome and want to express it :)

Same here. I actually find it pretty easy to pm, talk people online, most of the time. God if only in real life I could be as "sociable".
 
To be clear, PM is real hard to start with, You're talking with stranger for first time so there is always fear and doubt surrounding it, always. Breaking the ice is not an easy thing to do, Even I have problem sending PM first time even though I have no problem talking with people at all online. I just talk with few here, they are real friendly but despite that it took me lot of courage and time to send first ones. Always a scary thing to do, you don't know what reply will come if it ever comes and that is biggest fear we all face here.
This question will always haunt...
What will be the first reply? Or what should one write when sending first PM?
 
If you find someone you want to talk to, just say hi to them. Maybe include what made you PM them. Be yourself. Not everyone will always want to return the message, but if you put enough effort into it, you will likely get at least one reply. Then just keep the person's attention or interest. If they enjoy talking to you, they will continue to do so.

Don't worry too much about sending the first PM. Most people enjoy getting them, as long as they don't border on creepy :p
 
TheRealCallie said:
... as long as they don't border on creepy

For some reason that gave me a chuckle.

Rahvin, i am sure a lot of people would be happy to hear from you. If you can handle the possibility of not getting a response then do you have anything to lose by giving it a shot?
 
I'm a wuss at being the one to send them out the first place, especially as a newbie here. But I'd certainly reply to any I get :)
 
I just do not see the point anymore. When you talk to hundreds of people and only end up with one internet friend after years on the interweb it makes you want to just stop trying
 
I rarely pm. I actually never get pms. Eh. I must be boring or lame or something. :p
 
I tend to be afraid to send the first pm, but most of the time i do it anyway. There have been people i wanted to pm but never did. Usually i tend to wait until some sign showing they don't dislike me.
 
I'll send a PM if someone seems down or if there is a post I happen to agree with or if it's something I think I can help with. I don't expect a reply for most of the reasons that others have listed. I don't take it personally as it's a choice the recipient makes.
 
I've PM'ed plenty of people and a number of people have PM'ed me too. I think only one person has never responded to my PM.
PM's are great! If you see something about a member that strikes your fancy, send a quick hello!
I participated in the Christmas card exchange and that is always a good ice-breaker when messaging someone.

-Teresa
 
And now heeding the advice of my elders I will start sending a quite few first PMs to many, hope you guys don't shut me out because of that :)
 
Rosebolt said:
I tend to be afraid to send the first pm, but most of the time i do it anyway. There have been people i wanted to pm but never did. Usually i tend to wait until some sign showing they don't dislike me.

I'm pretty sure you sent me one before I sent you one. You might still be waiting for the reply, but I'm sure you did :p
 

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