Broke up with significant other two weeks ago - back to square one

hey fellow ALL brothers and sisters. Been a while since I have posted here due to work, and I have another job to make ends meet.

Anyhow, I feel down, but oddly, somewhat good after my breakup with my girlfriend two weeks ago.

I could sense that our relationship was headed in the wrong direction when she stopped sending me text messages, and I was the one doing a lot of the initiation of text messages and scheduling lunch or dinner meet-ups with her. This started to happen towards the end of March.

Plus she would not that attractive looking. I'd say a 3 out of 5 rating.

I also got suspicious of her when I bought her a birthday present, and she never even bothered to send me a text message to thank me.

I also got upset with her when I went out of town on a trip to Southern california about a month ago, when she didn't even bother to send me a "have a nice trip" text message, when I have sent her text messages when she went on trips for the Christmas holiday as well as to Las Vegas for her birthday (note that she didn't stay around to celebrate her birthday with me).

We finally had our last dinner together on May 7th. I had her pay for the dinner because I was infuriated with her. We ended up splitting the cost of our dinner.

After dinner, I went home, and we talked over the phone to break up our relationship.

Since I gave her a gold pendant for Christmas present, and that present was worth a lot of money (my mother also pitched in to buy that gift for her), I told her to meet me later that weekend and give me back the gold pendant. Surprisingly, she complied and we met up at her workplace, and gave it back to me. I didn't want to get back the birthday gift I gave her. But my mother was insistent on having me get back the dish/plate collection I bought her for her birthday present. That too, she gave back.

That was the last time I saw her.

Although I have been feeling depressed for the last two weeks, I also have this odd feeling of relief.

I think that I have gained some dating experience over the 8 months we have been together.

I also think that God has decided it's best for me to have broken up with her, as this gives me the chance to leave my city to find other job-related opportunities to advance in my career, as the city I live in has little to no opportunities to gain experience in my profession (as a person without experience).

TheLonelyNomad said:

Plus she would not that attractive looking. I'd say a 3 out of 5 rating.

Click to expand...

What does that have to do with anything?

TheLonelyNomad said:

We finally had our last dinner together on May 7th. I had her pay for the dinner because I was infuriated with her. We ended up splitting the cost of our dinner.

Click to expand...

Well... Aren't you a gentleman...

VanillaCreme said:

TheLonelyNomad said:

Plus she would not that attractive looking. I'd say a 3 out of 5 rating.

Click to expand...

What does that have to do with anything?

Click to expand...

I'm guessing the attractiveness scale was meant to convey that he wasn't physically attracted to her, but it still sounded rude. Asking her to return gifts also bugs me, honestly. I hate it when people do that...

Er...anyway, sorry it didn't end up working out. I'm glad you're feeling better and moving on. Good luck with your career decisions! Maybe you'll meet lots of new people if you move to a different area.

You will go through a little bit of sadness, because a norm in your life went away. The relief is good, meaning you didn't want to be in that relationship anyways.

It sounded like she really wasn't into the relationship that much either.

Firstly, I'm sorry to hear about your break up. At least you're coming out of it now, eh.

TheLonelyNomad said:

Plus she would not that attractive looking. I'd say a 3 out of 5 rating.

Click to expand...

Are you trying to comfort yourself here? To make yourself feel better that it's over and that's fine anyway cos she's not very attractive to you?

TheLonelyNomad said:

Since I gave her a gold pendant for Christmas present, and that present was worth a lot of money (my mother also pitched in to buy that gift for her), I told her to meet me later that weekend and give me back the gold pendant. Surprisingly, she complied and we met up at her workplace, and gave it back to me. I didn't want to get back the birthday gift I gave her. But my mother was insistent on having me get back the dish/plate collection I bought her for her birthday present. That too, she gave back.

Click to expand...

I could understand and get it if she willingly returned these items to you herself. To ask her for these items back.. I don't know. To me, once I give someone something, it's theirs and theirs to keep. I don't believe in asking back for things I have gifted to others. So I don't know about this. What's done is done and it's your call anyway. Just didn't seem.. right to me.

VanillaCreme said:

Well... Aren't you a gentleman...

Click to expand...

Was this comment really necessary? Are you implying that women shouldn't ever pay for their own meals? Come on, are we in the 21st Century or not?

Nomad, ignore the pessimists here. Good for you.
Hopefully your next GF will actually show she cares.

VanillaCreme said:

What does that have to do with anything?

Click to expand...

That my ex wasn't all that pretty. Even though she was not that attractive, I thought she was a good listener and that we had some things in common. But overall, I feel some relief after the breakup.

Well... Aren't you a gentleman...

Click to expand...

Umm,...did you know that I paid ALL cost for 95% of our dinner and lunch meals? My ex-GF only paid for one lunch meal, and one dinner meal out of the 25 times we have met. This is why I wanted her to pay for the "last" dinner out together. Unfortunately, this cunning girl decided not to fully pay for our dinner, so I suggested we split the cost, which she obliged.

So all in all, I felt "used" by this girl, because if she didn't want be couple months ago, she should have told me straight out.

---

Despicable Me said:

Was this comment really necessary? Are you implying that women shouldn't ever pay for their own meals? Come on, are we in the 21st Century or not?

Nomad, ignore the pessimists here. Good for you.
Hopefully your next GF will actually show she cares.

Click to expand...

Why thank you, Despicable me.

I did pay for the majority of our dinner and lunch meals when we got together once a week. In fact, when the bill came to the table, she made no effort to even look at the receipt or even tell me that she was going to pay for the dinner. It was only two times, out of our entire relationship, where she actually did pay for the meal.

All in all, like I've said in the above post, I felt used by this girl.

However, I was glad to get back the gold pendant that my mother and I bought her for Christmas present. I didn't want her to keep looking at the pendant and have "bad" reminiscence of me.

---

ladyforsaken said:

Are you trying to comfort yourself here? To make yourself feel better that it's over and that's fine anyway cos she's not very attractive to you?

Click to expand...

Yeah, honestly, it's a way for me to "comfort" myself about her attractiveness on a scale of one to five. She wasn't that attractive, but initially, I liked her life goals and her personality. She would also think of activities we could do during weekend that we both could enjoy, such as paddle boarding, hiking, playing pool, etc.

But oh well. All good things come to an end, and this relationship came to an end quicker than I have expected.

I could understand and get it if she willingly returned these items to you herself. To ask her for these items back.. I don't know. To me, once I give someone something, it's theirs and theirs to keep. I don't believe in asking back for things I have gifted to others. So I don't know about this. What's done is done and it's your call anyway. Just didn't seem.. right to me.

Click to expand...

Well, the reason why I asked her back for the 14K gold pendant that I gave her for Christmas, was number one, it was an item my mother and I have spent to get her that gift. I thought that she would be the one for me to marry in the long run.

Number two. I don't want her to look at the pendant, if she does take it out, or stumble upon it while cleaning her room, and have memories or reminesence of me.

I didn't really care to get back the dish/cup set that I have purchased her for her birthday in April. However, my mother was pissed off that if my ex-GF didn't like me, why did she "lead me on" to a point where I spent money to buy her birthday gift? Like I've said, I didn't care to get this dish set back. My mother was the one insistent that I tell her to give it back to me, so that I could return it to Macy's and get a credit card refund.

---

Hey guys, so got a question.

After my break-up with my ex-GF, I have decided to throw away most of the photos/pictures we have taken while hiking, dining at restaurants, and at Christmas events.

I have kept only two digital pictures of me with her on my smart phone.

I have thrown away two t-shirts she have bought me, because I don't want to remember her.

However, there is this cute Donald Duck disney doll that she bought me for my birthday. I don't know,....I can't seem to throw that gift of hers away.

After your guys' break-up (for those of you who were in previous relationships that went kapoot) did you throw away your pictures, or delete your photos with your ex Gf or ex BF?

After breaks up I would pack everything up (talking about bfs, marriage is different because quite often a lot of the furniture property was chosen together, and if kids are involved, they will always serve as a reminder) put in box away out of site in a in the back of a cupboard. Then after a long time, sometimes you want to remember that period of your life, so the things are still there.

I would pack the ornament away. What would you do and feel if she asked for it back?

I did what She-ra did. Box them up. After some years, I managed to get rid of the items. Either I gave them away to charity or to others who can put the items to good use. Or recycled. I don't know what it's like to leave a relationship with no hard feelings. In that case, maybe I would box the items up but not discard them at all. Just box them away.

You don't have to throw the gift away. Either seal it up and put it someplace where you won't see it or give it away or give it back.

TheLonelyNomad said:

VanillaCreme said:

What does that have to do with anything?

Click to expand...

That my ex wasn't all that pretty. Even though she was not that attractive, I thought she was a good listener and that we had some things in common. But overall, I feel some relief after the breakup.

Well... Aren't you a gentleman...

Click to expand...

Umm,...did you know that I paid ALL cost for 95% of our dinner and lunch meals? My ex-GF only paid for one lunch meal, and one dinner meal out of the 25 times we have met. This is why I wanted her to pay for the "last" dinner out together. Unfortunately, this cunning girl decided not to fully pay for our dinner, so I suggested we split the cost, which she obliged.

So all in all, I felt "used" by this girl, because if she didn't want be couple months ago, she should have told me straight out.

Click to expand...

Who cares if she wasn't pretty... You dated her. She could look like a mongoose with a hunch back. You dated her anyway. It's petty to say something like that now, like it really matters...

And does it matter who paid for what? Caring about all that and then asking for items back - whether she willing returned them anyway when she didn't have to because they were gifts - is really petty. Your reason for trying to make her pay is what threw me through a loop.

Not saying that you were wrong in getting out of a relationship that you didn't want to be in. If she didn't want to be in a relationship with you, then she should have been honest. Probably why she gave back the items with no issue. You put your foot down and stood up for yourself, and that's good. Best of luck to you.

Despicable Me said:

VanillaCreme said:

Well... Aren't you a gentleman...

Click to expand...

Was this comment really necessary? Are you implying that women shouldn't ever pay for their own meals? Come on, are we in the 21st Century or not?

Nomad, ignore the pessimists here. Good for you.
Hopefully your next GF will actually show she cares.

Click to expand...

No, I'm not implying that, but good try. Rude is rude, no matter what gender it's coming from.

VanillaCreme said:

No, I'm not implying that, but good try. Rude is rude, no matter what gender it's coming from.

Click to expand...

So then why do you consider it 'rude' to ask someone else to pay for their own meal then? I'm really curious.

If I'm wrong then I'm wrong, that's fine. But at least tell me how I'm wrong if you really believe that.

Despicable Me said:

VanillaCreme said:

No, I'm not implying that, but good try. Rude is rude, no matter what gender it's coming from.

Click to expand...

So then why do you consider it 'rude' to ask someone else to pay for their own meal then? I'm really curious.

If I'm wrong then I'm wrong, that's fine. But at least tell me how I'm wrong if you really believe that.

Click to expand...

His reason was rude. If you stopped twisting things so that you can point fingers at people, you would have seen that I said that. If you don't think it's rude, good for you. I think it's petty to want to make someone pay because you're mad at them.

Text messages are never a great of communicating. Calling on the other hand..

VanillaCreme said:

If you stopped twisting things so that you can point fingers at people, you would have seen that I said that.

Click to expand...

I don't see how I've 'twisted' anything, and I've not been pointing fingers, either. I saw what you said I just don't agree with any of it. I think people have a right to ask someone else to pay for their own meal if they believe it's right, even if they are mad at them. And who are we to judge that? As you often say people are free to their own opinions, right?

If I really wanted to 'point fingers' I could mention how you pointing out something rude in a rude manner is honestly very hypocritical, and in fact you were the first to point a finger by doing this. But I didn't do that, did I? Not until now, anyway, only to prove a point. My last post was actually quite polite, I asked a rather simple question and you took that the wrong way, it seems.
No offense, but you're being very defensive and I think it is because you know you were just getting up on your high horse for a moment. I just didn't think it was necessary or right. Sorry if that offends you, but sometimes people need to tell the truth or else nothing will ever change. Do you not agree? It's not like I want to offend you, or anyone. I just have a habit of telling it like it is, and how I see it. And yes, I know that's why I'm not good at making any friends.

Despicable Me said:

VanillaCreme said:

If you stopped twisting things so that you can point fingers at people, you would have seen that I said that.

Click to expand...

I don't see how I've 'twisted' anything, and I've not been pointing fingers, either. I saw what you said I just don't agree with any of it. I think people have a right to ask someone else to pay for their own meal if they believe it's right, even if they are mad at them. And who are we to judge that? As you often say people are free to their own opinions, right?

If I really wanted to 'point fingers' I could mention how you pointing out something rude in a rude manner is honestly very hypocritical, and in fact you were the first to point a finger by doing this. But I didn't do that, did I? Not until now, anyway, only to prove a point. My last post was actually quite polite, I asked a rather simple question and you took that the wrong way, it seems.
No offense, but you're being very defensive and I think it is because you know you were just getting up on your high horse for a moment. I just didn't think it was necessary or right. Sorry if that offends you, but sometimes people need to tell the truth or else nothing will ever change. Do you not agree? It's not like I want to offend you, or anyone. I just have a habit of telling it like it is, and how I see it. And yes, I know that's why I'm not good at making any friends.

Click to expand...

You don't have to think it's rude or wrong of him. If he had said any other reason - he thought it was fair because he paid for most of their other meals together, or that he wanted to split it evenly or something - I'd totally understand. But his reason was a little on the poor side.

No, I'm not defensive. You just think you're slick with honeysuckle. You won't get under my skin, sweetheart. The last thing anyone can ever really do is offend me. So, once again, nice try. I think you enjoy making it a habit of nit picking people's words to make it sound like you're right and they're wrong. What I said was not being on a high horse. And I never said anyone had to agree with me. But I'm going to post my opinion on it. I wasn't being nasty. I wasn't even being harsh.

ladyforsaken said:

I did what She-ra did. Box them up. After some years, I managed to get rid of the items. Either I gave them away to charity or to others who can put the items to good use. Or recycled. I don't know what it's like to leave a relationship with no hard feelings. In that case, maybe I would box the items up but not discard them at all. Just box them away.

You don't have to throw the gift away. Either seal it up and put it someplace where you won't see it or give it away or give it back.

Click to expand...

I find it is much more painful when there are no hard feelings. It's much harder to move on when you're not angry. When my marriage broke up, I did what you did, I boxed up all the letters, cards, gifts, love tokens etc. I thought that one day, perhaps they would be interesting to look back on.

All it ended up doing was keeping a part of me rooted in the past unable to let go. In the end, I gave away or recycled anything useful, then I burned all of the letters and the sentimental things. It felt freeing. I finally felt as if I could move on with my life. Sometimes letting go is the correct course of action.

VanillaCreme said:

No, I'm not defensive. You just think you're slick with honeysuckle. You won't get under my skin, sweetheart. The last thing anyone can ever really do is offend me. So, once again, nice try. I think you enjoy making it a habit of nit picking people's words to make it sound like you're right and they're wrong. What I said was not being on a high horse. And I never said anyone had to agree with me. But I'm going to post my opinion on it. I wasn't being nasty. I wasn't even being harsh.

Click to expand...

If you had said that to me after I'd just broke up with my significant other I would have thought it was pretty harsh. It's kind of why I replied the way I did, you know? I put myself in OP's shoes. As he explained later, he has paid for the majority of her meals on their dates, which is exactly what I figured.

You may think you have me figured out, like some others around here, but you're wrong... "sweetheart".
By the way, I really don't like this passive aggressive attitude you're giving me. I find it rather insulting. You're obviously trying to be condescending and is that really what you intend for this forum? How do you expect me to respond to this?

Cavey said:

ladyforsaken said:

I did what She-ra did. Box them up. After some years, I managed to get rid of the items. Either I gave them away to charity or to others who can put the items to good use. Or recycled. I don't know what it's like to leave a relationship with no hard feelings. In that case, maybe I would box the items up but not discard them at all. Just box them away.

You don't have to throw the gift away. Either seal it up and put it someplace where you won't see it or give it away or give it back.

Click to expand...

I find it is much more painful when there are no hard feelings. It's much harder to move on when you're not angry. When my marriage broke up, I did what you did, I boxed up all the letters, cards, gifts, love tokens etc. I thought that one day, perhaps they would be interesting to look back on.

All it ended up doing was keeping a part of me rooted in the past unable to let go. In the end, I gave away or recycled anything useful, then I burned all of the letters and the sentimental things. It felt freeing. I finally felt as if I could move on with my life. Sometimes letting go is the correct course of action.

Click to expand...

Anger can be a great motivator and energy boost. It's really important to be able to let go of it, once it has served it's purpose, however. A lot of people get stuck in that anger. Sounds like you didn't tho.

And also, regarding asking for things back. I got so sick and tired of feeling hard-done-by, that I decided to fully say goodbye to anything I gave away. The result is that I give away far fewer things, but the things I do give away, I am no longer tethered to them. It seems like there were alot of expectations attached to the things given.

Despicable Me said:

VanillaCreme said:

No, I'm not defensive. You just think you're slick with honeysuckle. You won't get under my skin, sweetheart. The last thing anyone can ever really do is offend me. So, once again, nice try. I think you enjoy making it a habit of nit picking people's words to make it sound like you're right and they're wrong. What I said was not being on a high horse. And I never said anyone had to agree with me. But I'm going to post my opinion on it. I wasn't being nasty. I wasn't even being harsh.

Click to expand...

If you had said that to me after I'd just broke up with my significant other I would have thought it was pretty harsh. It's kind of why I replied the way I did, you know? I put myself in OP's shoes. As he explained later, he has paid for the majority of her meals on their dates, which is exactly what I figured.

You may think you have me figured out, like some others around here, but you're wrong... "sweetheart".
By the way, I really don't like this passive aggressive attitude you're giving me. I find it rather insulting. You're obviously trying to be condescending and is that really what you intend for this forum? How do you expect me to respond to this?

Click to expand...

If you became offended because you put yourself in someone's shoes when you didn't have to, that's on you. I wasn't talking to you, just in case you were unaware. You can stop trying to be sarcastic and witty now.

Cavey said:

I find it is much more painful when there are no hard feelings. It's much harder to move on when you're not angry. When my marriage broke up, I did what you did, I boxed up all the letters, cards, gifts, love tokens etc. I thought that one day, perhaps they would be interesting to look back on.

All it ended up doing was keeping a part of me rooted in the past unable to let go. In the end, I gave away or recycled anything useful, then I burned all of the letters and the sentimental things. It felt freeing. I finally felt as if I could move on with my life. Sometimes letting go is the correct course of action.

Click to expand...

I imagine it would take a lot more to break up without any hard feelings. Sigh.
Yeah, I know that feeling. I felt it too when I got rid of all the items I boxed up. I think it's okay to keep them for awhile, but at some point you'd really have to let go of the stuff and properly move on.

Sometimes said:

Anger can be a great motivator and energy boost. It's really important to be able to let go of it, once it has served it's purpose, however. A lot of people get stuck in that anger. Sounds like you didn't tho.

Click to expand...

This is very good advice, in my opinion. It is very important to be mindful of this and let go of the anger and learn to forgive yourself as well as the other person so you can move on without harbouring negativity or resentment within you. It won't do you any good.