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Ginock

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Don't worry, I am not some kind of a spambot or looking to stalk anyone but it is a question I am interested in discussing. I am a 32 year old male who's longest relationship lasted three months and to be honest I am kind of okay with it in a way.

It may be that I am being self-effacing and that I am simply convincing myself that not being in a relationship is not that important to me, that I really don't need one in order to live my life or indeed to be happy but honestly I don't go ever re-call going out with the intention of trying to meet someone. I certainly would not go up a woman in a bar and try to be suave, sophisticated or otherwise the type of person who would just ask someone out.

The thing is though is I cannot ever see a time when I would think of myself as in a relationship, this is not a pity party but more of an admission that I think I just don't care.

Does anyone else feel the same way?
 
I feel the same way.

I have no great desire to be with someone and I have no real fear of being alone in that sense. I don't know if that will change as I get older but having been in relationships and having been by myself, I would always choose the latter at this point in my life.
 
it's never going to happen anyway so I'm not bothered.
It's in my DNA to be unattractive to women.
 
I just don't know. Most of my past relationships were a TON of work and, when it ended, and I don't even consider myself that romantic, pretty depressing. In addition, I see the circle of life playing out in my life... with my friends.

- girl meets boy.
- girl and boy marry.
- girl and boy have kids.
- girl and boy start having problems.
- girl and boy divorce

Typically within a 7 to 12 year time frame. All that work, all that money spent (money and kids) and typically, the good times were quite short.

Whenever I watch anything romantic now I always think like, what happens the next day. Don't get me wrong, some people do make it.. but I get the feeling those people are naturally skilled at relationships in general and also, some are raised in such a way that they never would do anything to jeopardize their lives. Those are rare people indeed.
 
I can't see myself in a relationship, honestly. And that's why the few times I tried it ended not well.
But I do need that one person (if you know what I mean) in my life. So much.
 
I don't actively look to be in one. But it's a nice feeling. Maybe someday it'll last.
 
At the moment (and the past 5 years), I have no desire to be in a relationship. Will that change in the future? Yeah, most likely. Being in a relationship can be rather nice, it's just not something I want right now. My children and myself come first.
 
It's a good attitude you have, really. People these days (Especially the "newer" generation) are so quick to get in a relationship, it's seen as being much more socially acceptable than if you're single... which is a bit sad. So many people have this belief that a relationship will make everything better, and even if it doesn't last long they simply come out of one and go right into another.

Don't get me wrong; it's nice to be in a relationship an all the rest, but I believe you need to be happy with yourself before being in a one, and it's nice to hear that people have other priorities in life. As for me I have my own goals and achievements in mind before thinking of a relationship, but having said that if an opportunity arisen I had a good feeling about, I've learned to take my opportunities based on my true instincts.
 
9006 said:
It's a good attitude you have, really. People these days (Especially the "newer" generation) are so quick to get in a relationship, it's seen as being much more socially acceptable than if you're single... which is a bit sad. So many people have this belief that a relationship will make everything better, and even if it doesn't last long they simply come out of one and go right into another.

I see this all the time among my peers and I find it very sad. The relationships they cultivate are usually disastrous for their self-esteem and mental health, too. They never want to hear that, though. People in love tend to forget (or ignore) the fact that there's a whole world of unhappiness and long-term consequences outside the protective bubble of a romantic relationship.
 
I want to be in a relationship, for many reasons. For one, I want to experience that special kind of being close with someone that is different from how a person might be close to friends and family. I want to have ping-pong-like conversations with them, I want to share deep thoughts, I want to share adventures and laughs and memories. I want to experience that kind of shared happiness and understanding. I want to take silly pictures together. I want someone to make me feel like they are special and that I am special to them too.

I also want to get into a relationship because after almost 29 years without so much as a date, I want to prove that I can do it. I want to prove that I can be good enough for someone, not just good enough but actually desirable. I want to smash my past stories of being a person who isn't good enough, I want to conquer my past mistakes and defeat rejection once and for all. I want to show that I can be competent and worthwhile. I want to prove that someone can pick me.
 
I want the perks of a relationship but none of the B.S. I guess I'm more the "friends with benefits" type, except I have no friends.
 
lifestream said:
I have no great desire to be with someone and I have no real fear of being alone in that sense. I don't know if that will change as I get older....

This is exactly how I feel about this right now.
 
I'm not sure, mainly because I have little idea what I'm missing out on. My age and limited life experience means I would have difficulty functioning in a relationship with anyone but the most patient, tolerant person.

From the perspective of an outsider, it seems like there would be far less time to yourself, an uneasy feeling of always being observed, and a whole lot of stress fretting about how happy the other person is. This, for someone who might leave at any time, whether that be next week or in 5 years.

People happily partnered up would obviously feel differently.
 
I couldn't handle one right now. I have made a long list of self-improvements that I am painfully trying to figure out.
 
I want one really bad but then I figure would it be fair to the girl? I am too self-conscious right now. Just wouldn't be fair for some nice girl.
 
I'm lucky to find a single human being with good intentions in the first place, let alone a good friend. There's no time or energy to put into meeting someone for a relationship, of all things.
 
BeyondShy said:
I want one really bad but then I figure would it be fair to the girl? I am too self-conscious right now. Just wouldn't be fair for some nice girl.

Let the nice girl have a say beyondshy, instead of presuming it wouldn't be fair to her. It would be fair because you'd care for each other.
 
Always... I don't know? Having a relationship is a huge part of my life and who I am, but that doesn't mean I couldn't never be single. Love is just so important to me, I guess.
 
I would imagine meeting a completely fantastic woman and falling in love with her would be very special !
But I have to be honest with myself. The chances of that happening are extremely slim. Virtually non existent !
 

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