loketron
Well-known member
hey guys my name is Loketron I was a frequent poster a long time ago and I've been gone for quite some time. I've been frantically posting online for help with a problem i'm having and I remembered I really loved the community here and I thought id try sharing my story here and soak in any comments you guys may have for me, please.
so go easy, remember I love this girl. and i'm sorry if this gets wordy.
My girlfriend and I were together for 5 1/2 years. A few years ago I started working overnight while she worked days. I've been hoping the job would switch me but the job still has never done so. Around this same time I lost out on a career I was pushing for and lost myself. I Lost who I was and got caught in the day to day, week to week grind. If only the job didn't give us the financial security we needed and that's all I focused on. fast forward to this year and we had tried to be happy all we could but life had thrown us many curve balls including infidelity on her part which we squashed and forgave together already. life being alone over night at work and lack of a social life outside of her made me feel trapped so instead of flipping tables and losing my cool I left one day 3 months ago.
Let me reiterate, I was the one who left. I was too pent up and I needed time to be alone or clear my head. By now, 3 months later I don't even get why I couldn't call it a break, I should have gone back that next day to apologize, but I didn't. So I began healing. I saw a Councillor and tried my best not to mope around while I was not working. I tried not contacting her except for when we had bills needing to be taken care of. After some time she opened up to me and we established a friendship. I learned she missed me as much as I did and we started to work towards giving it another shot. My mind was in the right place and we made a plan for me to come over and maybe even spend the night a week ago. everything seemed to be fitting into place until I learned something had happened...
She began telling me she made a friend while we weren't talking. she needed someone to help her cope with her loneliness and all the girls were just telling her to "calm down" and "it'll be ok." this friend was a male. and one time she slept with him. She was upfront about it and didn't lie but I was not expecting it and lost my cool and stormed off. I have no reason not to trust her when she tells me it was only once and he is not an interest. it just happened. From my readings I've learned sex can mean less to women than it does to men so i'm letting it go as just something that happened. just like that my progress into "just being happy" was gone" I forgot my lessons into being a zen master and became a jealous prick. So now i'm back to not talking with her and living with the fact that I missed a golden opportunity to spend the night and start a reunion with the girl I love.
its been a week since then and I've calmed down considerably but i'm all alone in my mind again. i'm trying to be fixed but its not a constant thing.
I know not every relationship is like "Hollywood" so we may just end up just being friends, but is that any reason to not try if I've put these upset feelings aside about what happened when we weren't together? feelings about myself leaving in the first place?
I really don't care about this friend. its like "falling on the sword." I'd rather shoot for our second chance than shoot to be right. you first reaction may be to say to forget her and move on. but 5 year?!? that's not easily just forgotten, especially when i'm certain we both want to try again we just both need change.
thanks for listening.
so go easy, remember I love this girl. and i'm sorry if this gets wordy.
My girlfriend and I were together for 5 1/2 years. A few years ago I started working overnight while she worked days. I've been hoping the job would switch me but the job still has never done so. Around this same time I lost out on a career I was pushing for and lost myself. I Lost who I was and got caught in the day to day, week to week grind. If only the job didn't give us the financial security we needed and that's all I focused on. fast forward to this year and we had tried to be happy all we could but life had thrown us many curve balls including infidelity on her part which we squashed and forgave together already. life being alone over night at work and lack of a social life outside of her made me feel trapped so instead of flipping tables and losing my cool I left one day 3 months ago.
Let me reiterate, I was the one who left. I was too pent up and I needed time to be alone or clear my head. By now, 3 months later I don't even get why I couldn't call it a break, I should have gone back that next day to apologize, but I didn't. So I began healing. I saw a Councillor and tried my best not to mope around while I was not working. I tried not contacting her except for when we had bills needing to be taken care of. After some time she opened up to me and we established a friendship. I learned she missed me as much as I did and we started to work towards giving it another shot. My mind was in the right place and we made a plan for me to come over and maybe even spend the night a week ago. everything seemed to be fitting into place until I learned something had happened...
She began telling me she made a friend while we weren't talking. she needed someone to help her cope with her loneliness and all the girls were just telling her to "calm down" and "it'll be ok." this friend was a male. and one time she slept with him. She was upfront about it and didn't lie but I was not expecting it and lost my cool and stormed off. I have no reason not to trust her when she tells me it was only once and he is not an interest. it just happened. From my readings I've learned sex can mean less to women than it does to men so i'm letting it go as just something that happened. just like that my progress into "just being happy" was gone" I forgot my lessons into being a zen master and became a jealous prick. So now i'm back to not talking with her and living with the fact that I missed a golden opportunity to spend the night and start a reunion with the girl I love.
its been a week since then and I've calmed down considerably but i'm all alone in my mind again. i'm trying to be fixed but its not a constant thing.
I know not every relationship is like "Hollywood" so we may just end up just being friends, but is that any reason to not try if I've put these upset feelings aside about what happened when we weren't together? feelings about myself leaving in the first place?
I really don't care about this friend. its like "falling on the sword." I'd rather shoot for our second chance than shoot to be right. you first reaction may be to say to forget her and move on. but 5 year?!? that's not easily just forgotten, especially when i'm certain we both want to try again we just both need change.
thanks for listening.