55, yet it feels my life is over

So, I'm 55 now, I'm not married and I don't have children.
I lost my job in IT, and I am trying to become a teacher of Dutch, my mother tongue and that of 60% of the Belgians.
The studies are going well, every exam I did went fine, as well as the internship.

However, on a social level I am still as lonely as I have ever been.
And now things are getting worse.
Yesterday I received results of a blood analysis.
I was not sober, I had eaten before the test, so maybe some of the indicators could be slightly influenced by that.

However, when I look at the list of medical indicators that are too high or too low, it feels horrible:

* fat (cholesterol) : way too high
* sugar (glucose) : too high
* blood coagulation: way too fast (risk of thrombose)
* vitamin D : too low (strange, because I take a supplement for that, and I regularly eat fish)
* antibodies (immune system): too low

I already had issues with the thyroid gland before (too low after being treated against it being too high), and with high blood pressure.
Both require a medicine to be taken in the morning, but I can live with that and I am used to it.

I still need to see my GP to discuss the results of this investigation, but I guess my life will now be deprived of all the joys of life:

* no love
* no sex
* no fatty food (nothing with cheese for example, even if I create it myself)
* no salty food
* no desserts
* no alcohol
...

So what's left?
OK, love and sex are not strictly forbidden, but what type of woman would be attracted to a man who's not allowed to enjoy a good meal in a restaurant, who might be on a strict diet?
Sure, I could go to a prostitute, but the mere fact that she is only having sex because of the money is a complete turn-off for me.

More investigations are following, btw.
I'll be tested for lactose intolerance, so maybe I'll have to avoid dairy products too.
And this whole investigation started because of a free government test for colon cancer, which still needs to be investigated (but there are many false positives on this test).

It feels to me that at 55 I'm dead already.
All of the joys of life will be forbidden.
Like I'm a modern kind of slave, only there to work or study so that I can keep the economy going, not being allowed any pleasures in life.

It probably doesn't help much, but there are other joys in the world that you can experience. Giving yourself to help those in need, saving the environment and animals that need it, exploring nature, just to name a few. As for the restaurant scenario, probably plenty of vegans would be happy with your restricted meal choice. I'm not trying to sound facetious, but desperate times call for desperate measures. I hope your tests results aren't as bad as you might think.

I'm going to the GP tomorrow, and this time I won't eat or drink anything, so hopefully they will do another test.
I need to make sure they didn't make a mistake, because I find it strange that so many parameters are bad.
I'm not surprised about cholesterol for example, but it surprises me that vitamin D would be too low, as I regularly eat fish, and I take vitamin supplements especially for vitamin C.
I'll see what these second test results show, but if things are the way I think they are, then I might consider suicide or euthanasia.
I don't want to live like a slave, only allowed to work but never to enjoy life.

Those 'joys' you mentioned seem more like sacrifices.
More of the giving, and none of the receiving.
It feels like my whole life has been like this, always trying to help others, listening to everyone's issues or seeing their happiness, but always with the feeling: "when is it going to be my turn?".

insecure said:

then I might consider suicide or euthanasia......I don't want to live like a slave, only allowed to work but never to enjoy life.

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nobody is stopping you from seeking out enjoyment, traveling, meeting people, experiencing other cultures, learning more skills or hobbies

insecure said:

Those 'joys' you mentioned seem more like sacrifices.
More of the giving, and none of the receiving.
It feels like my whole life has been like this, always trying to help others, listening to everyone's issues or seeing their happiness, but always with the feeling: "when is it going to be my turn?".

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I understand what you mean, I really do. I wish I had more skills and abilities to contribute to the world, but then, I guess there are simpler things I could do, but choose not to for various reasons. I want it to be easier, but easier may never be an option. If, in this circumstance, we do actually compare ourselves to others, then we'll see that even our circumstances are more preferable to what some are experiencing and still overcoming and succeeding in life at times.

insecure said:

high blood pressure.

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Okay, with some healthier changes, you can get it down and possibly not have to take meds.

insecure said:

* fat (cholesterol) : way too high

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Not hard to change, but also not quick or simple.

insecure said:

* sugar (glucose) : too high

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You CAN have desserts. Do you have sugar free products in your country? If not, learn to make your own with alternative products.

insecure said:

* vitamin D : too low (strange, because I take a supplement for that, and I regularly eat fish)

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Actually not strange. You just have a low level and aren't taking enough extra to make up for where you are. Are you pale/not tan? If so, that's likely why. I'm the same way (and I hate the sun, so I avoid it at all costs). My mother and my son also have issues with it. You just need a higher dose....Not really a big deal.

insecure said:

* antibodies (immune system): too low

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So boost your immune system. Vitamin D, Elderberry, zinc. And your low D levels could also contribute to that.

ALL of these issues can be remedied. Yes, I did not speak on a few things you mentioned, not because they aren't important, but because I don't really know about those things. The things I commented on, I have personal experience with or have done research on. You're being dramatic. I get it, I really do, it's scary having all these things wrong, but it's really not that horrible to fix (for most people) if you want to live longer.

insecure said:

OK, love and sex are not strictly forbidden, but what type of woman would be attracted to a man who's not allowed to enjoy a good meal in a restaurant, who might be on a strict diet?

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Um, is every single other person in your country perfectly healthy? No, there are plenty that also have a strict diet. And besides, no one ever said you couldn't eat at restaurants, you just have to make better choices. Do your research beforehand, find healthier dishes being served or a more healthy restaurant and get that. I don't know why people are so **** scared of healthy food, it can actually be quite good.
What type of woman would want to be with a man that's on the verge of a heart attack? Unless you're rich and they are a gold digger, of course... Yes, that seems harsh, but it's the truth.

insecure said:

I'll see what these second test results show, but if things are the way I think they are, then I might consider suicide or euthanasia.

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OMG, seriously? You think being healthy is being a slave? It's not, it's just different, maybe give it a try before you go all suicidal. Yes, sometimes it takes some experimentation and yes, you will likely try foods you don't like, but you likely have that happen now. And if someone is telling you that you with live an unhappy life unable to do anything ever again, please stop getting advice from them, they are wrong. Do some research, if you can't find anything from your own country, try American sites, we have plenty.

TheRealCallie said:

Okay, with some healthier changes, you can get it down and possibly not have to take meds.

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That's where you make assumptions, you just assume I'm on a very unhealthy diet, and I mostly eat hamburgers and fries.
I don't.
I cook myself most of the times.
I put salmon, leek and potatoes together in a steaming basket, so I don't have to use any butter or olive oil.
I eat fish twice a week most of the times.
I limit the amount of meat I eat (+/- 100 grams) because they say that is the right daily amount for an adult, more could lead to cancer in the long term.
When I eat cheese, I take a potato peeler so that I can take very thin slices of cheese.
Most of the times I don't drink soft drinks and simply have water, I used to drink Coke Zero regularly, but that does not contain sugar.
I'm in a bit of a lack of time, but I used to bake my own bread, and I still make strawberry or other types of jam myself.
I only use the amount of sugar that makes it just sweet enough (like for strawberries : 1,5 kg of fruit vs 0,5 kg of sugar, for cherries that is : 1 kg of fruit vs 0,5 of sugar).
I don't drink alcohol on a daily basis, not even on a weekly basis.
But yes, once in a while, I like to make lasagne or other products that have cheese or cream in them.
I have made pizzas myself, including the dough.
Once in a while, I like to drink one or two glasses of wine.

So I'm not at this point where I'm living a very unhealthy life and the doctor says I need to eat and drink a bit healthier.
I'm at a point where I'm living a healthy life, and the doctor says I need to still cut down on things, and it feels like nothing is left.

You are right that most people have some kind of health problem.
The problem is when you seem to have all of them at once.
Of course I could still go to a restaurant, and have a glass of water, ask for a veggie meal, etc.
And yes, I could make the strawberry jam with artificial sweeteners, even though those are suspected of being cancer-inducing as well...

insecure said:

That's where you make assumptions, you just assume I'm on a very unhealthy diet, and I mostly eat hamburgers and fries.
I don't.
I cook myself most of the times.
I put salmon, leek and potatoes together in a steaming basket, so I don't have to use any butter or olive oil.
I eat fish twice a week most of the times.
I limit the amount of meat I eat (+/- 100 grams) because they say that is the right daily amount for an adult, more could lead to cancer in the long term.
When I eat cheese, I take a potato peeler so that I can take very thin slices of cheese.
Most of the times I don't drink soft drinks and simply have water, I used to drink Coke Zero regularly, but that does not contain sugar.
I'm in a bit of a lack of time, but I used to bake my own bread, and I still make strawberry or other types of jam myself.
I only use the amount of sugar that makes it just sweet enough (like for strawberries : 1,5 kg of fruit vs 0,5 kg of sugar, for cherries that is : 1 kg of fruit vs 0,5 of sugar).
I don't drink alcohol on a daily basis, not even on a weekly basis.
But yes, once in a while, I like to make lasagne or other products that have cheese or cream in them.
I have made pizzas myself, including the dough.
Once in a while, I like to drink one or two glasses of wine.

So I'm not at this point where I'm living a very unhealthy life and the doctor says I need to eat and drink a bit healthier.
I'm at a point where I'm living a healthy life, and the doctor says I need to still cut down on things, and it feels like nothing is left.

You are right that most people have some kind of health problem.
The problem is when you seem to have all of them at once.
Of course I could still go to a restaurant, and have a glass of water, ask for a veggie meal, etc.
And yes, I could make the strawberry jam with artificial sweeteners, even though those are suspected of being cancer-inducing as well...

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And you assume I'm assuming. I actually didn't. I was mostly a healthy eater when my cholesterol started to climb a bit (It was still normal range, but it was getting close to going over). Honestly, with me, yes, I overdo it a good bit around the holidays with the not so healthy stuff so that likely contributes since I get my bloodwork done about the time it would go up from that, but it's more likely the fact that I don't exercise much....which you didn't say anything about. So do you exercise?

Of course you feel like nothing is left, because you "think" you are being healthy, but are you really? Do you read labels? If not, start. You need to cut back on things with saturated and trans fats. IF you don't read labels, you would be surprised by how many things have those in them. If you do, just watch it more closely, there are GOOD alternatives to most of those things, you just have to find them.

There are options available that aren't those cancer inducing sugar alternatives. Not sure what you have available in your country, but yeah, do some research and see what's out there.

Lol, you do not have ALL of the health problems. Did you consider all of your issues could be linked to the same cause? For example, the thyroid can actually cause most, if not all of them.

TheRealCallie said:

And you assume I'm assuming. I actually didn't. I was mostly a healthy eater when my cholesterol started to climb a bit (It was still normal range, but it was getting close to going over). Honestly, with me, yes, I overdo it a good bit around the holidays with the not so healthy stuff so that likely contributes since I get my bloodwork done about the time it would go up from that, but it's more likely the fact that I don't exercise much....which you didn't say anything about. So do you exercise?

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I don't exercise a lot these days, I used to at the beginning of the school year, at least I used my bike to get to school, so that was at least 2 times 15 minutes per day.
I've started to use it more often lately.

TheRealCallie said:

Of course you feel like nothing is left, because you "think" you are being healthy, but are you really? Do you read labels? If not, start. You need to cut back on things with saturated and trans fats. IF you don't read labels, you would be surprised by how many things have those in them.

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I have done so, but I quickly concluded that those healthy products are hard to find.
That is why I prefer to cook for myself.
I don't buy ready-made dishes, I buy steak for example or fish, and I bake it myself.
Like I said, if I have a bit of time, I bake my own bread, I make my own strawberry jam (yesterday made some cherry jam).
I even baked my own pizza and lasagne (the lasagna leafs I bought, but the sauce, etc. I made myself).
I also make my own soup, with fresh vegetables, although the broth is ready-made.
So there aren't that many labels to read.
Of course I don't grow pigs and chicken, etc., so I might buy some delicatessen, and those might contain unhealthy products, yet when I go to the supermarkets and I read the labels, each and every one of them looks to be filled with unhealthy products: either too much fat, too much salt, too much sugar, etc.
Those healthy products don't seem to exist, it seems more like something the government and the food industry use to put the blame on the customers.

insecure said:

So, I'm 55 now, I'm not married and I don't have children.

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I'm 58 1/2 and I am in the same boat.

insecure said:

I cook myself most of the times.

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metoo

I also make great drinks for myself. Having a "dirty" Smirnoff Martini as I write this.

insecure said:

I don't exercise a lot these days

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I've slacked off the last 2 weeks, but I will get back to it shortly.

insecure said:

I even baked my own pizza and lasagne (the lasagna leafs I bought, but the sauce, etc. I made myself).
I also make my own soup, with fresh vegetables, although the broth is ready-made.

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OK, so you sound like a great cook.
You enjoy food.
That's a great reason to keep on living.

I really don't have any answers on what makes life "wonderful".
But think about this.
What if death/afterlife really, really sucks?
Kind of a good motivation to not cash in your chips...

insecure said:

55, yet it feels my life is over​

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Try not to worry too much. When I was 55 I also thoght life was over. I'm 77 now and I still think life is over.

After that blood test, I went to see the GP, she said my interpretation of those results was wrong.
1. Yes, my cholesterol is too high, but it is not yet high enough to take medication
2. Another fat-related value was too high, but this was unreliable, as I had eaten a couple of hours before the test.
3. Sugar values are a bit too high, but not too dramatically, and again, they are unreliable due to that fact I had eaten before the test.
4. There was one type of vitamin my body was lacking, but she didn't think that was a big deal.
5. Vitamin D: she didn't think it was abnormal that this value was low, even while taking supplements, due to the lack of sunlight.
6. the blood coagulation factor, this is really stupid, the interval that is printed on those tests is only valid for people who have an artificial heart valve or other heart issues.
So my value was perfectly normal but was marked with an asterisk on the test, which normally indicates problematic values (too high or too low).
I was surprised because normally every blood test result only highlined values that really were outside of the normal boundaries.
I asked why I had never seen this before, and she said that this was something they don't test regularly.
It was only important due to the fact that they will do those tests against colon cancer.

So even though I had not eaten for the second test, she didn't even deem it necessary to take a second blood test.
Though the test was full of values that were outside of the "normal", in the end the GP sees nothing dramatic.

So looks like my life is not over yet, at least not on a phsyical level.

insecure said:

what type of woman would be attracted to a man who's not allowed to enjoy a good meal in a restaurant, who might be on a strict diet?

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Would you be unattracted to a woman who eats on a strict diet at restaurants for medical reasons?

I'm sorry to hear that you have a few flags in your health check-up, but if I may make an observation, putting these health flags in perspective of many other conditions that a person may have, and at the age of 55, I'd say you're doing pretty great.

I can't say I know how you feel, as I am 33 myself, but I do know the feeling of reminiscing over younger years and wondering where the years have gone, and why I chose to waste them, and why I still choose to waste them.

Opportunities that typically present themselves when you're younger may not be as likely for you any more, that unfortunately is a fact of life and our mortality. That doesn't mean that your life is over at 55 - you may just find that you have to naturally shift your expectations of what typical life experiences are at the age of 55. Easier said than done, I know.

I don't imagine this helps. All I can suggest is to sit down and really think about what you want to achieve from the next 5-10 years of your life, planning becomes more important the older we get, because there's less time to lose. That doesn't mean squeeze in loads of stuff that you haven't done, it just means... think about what you really want and really need, how realistic those things are, and then go get them.

Your perception of being a working slave to society... maybe you can change that. Assess your finances, your life priorities, do what you need to fund those priorities, and then go get them. You never know, the next 10 years of your life may be your best ones yet.

Wishing you all the best,
Thomas.

Thomas] said:

Would you be unattracted to a woman who eats on a strict diet at restaurants for medical reasons?

I'm sorry to hear that you have a few flags in your health check-up, but if I may make an observation, putting these health flags in perspective of many other conditions that a person may have, and at the age of 55, I'd say you're doing pretty great.

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I think you need to read my last message before this one.
Apparently most of what I thought were abnormal results turned out not to be that bad.

Thomas] said:

Your perception of being a working slave to society... maybe you can change that. Assess your finances, your life priorities, do what you need to fund those priorities, and then go get them. You never know, the next 10 years of your life may be your best ones yet

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I don't know, I would like to travel for example, but doing that on my own, doesn't work for me.
Sure, I could move to a bigger place, buy myself a new car, but that won't make me happy.
The feeling of being a working slave comes from the fact that other people have a girlfriend, have sex.
For me it feels like I'm denied this, and that makes me a slave.
The feeling was amplified when I thought my health was completely gone, but even without that, I still feel like I am only allowed to work, and for the rest be lonely.
It's a feeling I have had most of my life, that people didn't like me and society spat me out.