Anxiety really tough at the moment

My loneliness is really peaking at the moment. I'm feeling anxiety because I feel like I have to do something to rid the lonliness, but I dont know what to do. No GF, no friends. Work is all I have and now that its summer, there are a lot fewer people at work. I havent had much human contact all week. I feel like there's something I can do about it, but I cant figure out what it is... and my head is spinning

sometimes i wish i was somebody else

I feel you. I'm nobody to give advice on this as I don't even have a job to go to, but I think you have to get lost in an activity to distract your mind from it all; exercise, a hobby, an interest group, be a tourist in your own town, get amongst other people. I say all this even though I have difficulty doing it myself, mixing with others I mean. I've tried going to a couple interest groups, but I felt out of place for various reasons. I go to where other people are, but again, I just can't seem to get into a rhythm with anyone and develop a bond. The very few people I do get along with are almost always busy doing so many other things that I can only occasionally get to spend a short time with them. Maybe every couple of months I might manage to get away with one of them camping for a few days, but most of the days in between are just so **** lonely. The worst part is, I'm married with two adult kids at home, but they rarely want to do anything with me, which makes the loneliness more pronounced. I guess it's just me, I'm not of interest to others, have nothing to offer them, am stuck in this relationship that isn't conducive to having another one, don't have spare funds for a more exciting lifestyle, etc. But none of this helps you, I'm sorry. You could try online connections, finding people with common interests in your area, but it hasn't worked out for me. I've pretty much given up and accepted that I'll just grow old remain lonely. Things may possibly change once I can extricate myself from this marriage, but I don't count on it. If your financial situation is good, perhaps just go any live it up a little in a different location, some cheap country where you can let yourself go and have fun. I dunno.

true that I need to keep busy... but that's just it, I dont have anything to do that isn't alone. Not much of an athlete, and the few hobbies I do have, I'm blaming for my solitude. I'm very much the nerd, and I play tabletop wargames. Have you heard of war hammer? Painting the soldiers used to be fun for me but now it's a drag I feel that those games have been a waste of time and are part of what put me here I feel like I've run out of options

Sorry for the run on sentence but for some reason the period wont work on my phone at the moment

You don't have to be an athlete. You can start by just walking; walking around where people are, saying hi to people, get into conversations about their dog, etc, but don't just engage with people you might be attracted to. Practice with anyone. I get some great chuckles and responses from older people and they probably love it. You might work your way up to riding a bike, see more places. Having said that, it hasn't opened up any real world bonds for me, but at least it's more things I can do to distract my mind. Being fitter is also better for you.

Do you have a Men's Shed in your area? Perhaps that could be of interest to you.

I've never really been into gaming. I like photography.

akakoom said:

My loneliness is really peaking at the moment. I'm feeling anxiety because I feel like I have to do something to rid the lonliness, but I dont know what to do. No GF, no friends. Work is all I have and now that its summer, there are a lot fewer people at work. I havent had much human contact all week. I feel like there's something I can do about it, but I cant figure out what it is... and my head is spinning

sometimes i wish i was somebody else

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I feel that way a lot. I have people I call friends, but only one I'm really close to. Afraid to call him too much, as I'm afraid he'll get tired of me

akakoom said:

true that I need to keep busy... but that's just it, I dont have anything to do that isn't alone. Not much of an athlete, and the few hobbies I do have, I'm blaming for my solitude. I'm very much the nerd, and I play tabletop wargames. Have you heard of war hammer? Painting the soldiers used to be fun for me but now it's a drag I feel that those games have been a waste of time and are part of what put me here I feel like I've run out of options

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I'm with Oki, find something you like to do. It may take some time. Be patient with the process.

I like building things and I'm currently adding a shed to my shop. It's been extremely difficult, but keeps my mind off the loneliness most days. The rewards are incredible. I've found I enjoy the solitude if I can get on top of the shed and just sit.

I also love hiking, although farm work takes away from that alot. I'm hoping to go this weekend, but we'll see

CONTACT. Often, "trying too hard" isn't your best feature. But you still need to be in a place where contact is possible. Sitting at home in front of the TV ain't gonna' help at all and probably makes it worse. Most peple like to freqeunt pubs. It's not my style but it is for many. I prefer enjoying fine weather where meeting people is possible. I find that people are open to chatting on a park bench, even better in the centre of town. People taking a break from shopping or running errands tend to seek recognition, "Whew what a day this is!" Or the weather. Or the guy who just walked by with green hair and red patent leather shoes. Did you see that guy?! ................ There are so many ways to talk with strangers and some of them are lonely too.

Talking to strangers isn't that difficult really. If you say something dumb, it doesn't matter because in all likelihood you'll never see them again anyway. The trickier part is turning strangers into friends. For that you need regular engagement with the same people, and to get that you need to be bumping into the regularly. So, common interest groups, clubs, meeting places, events, where you can keep seeing the person is necessary. It is possible to get lucky and snag onto a common interest in the first meeting with someone and one might invite the other to an outing involving that interest, but it's not often the case. Appearances obviously play a role too; as you're more likely to get someone to engage with you a second time if you come across as interesting, fun and easy going. The other person can't feel threatened, intimidated, anxious, embarrassed, uncomfortable or repulsed by your presence. Put your best foot forward as they say. It's hard because you can be rejected many, many times, in subtle or direct ways, and to keep trying seems pointless and painful, but really, if we don't want to be lonely, we have to keep trying. And what if tomorrow is the day you met someone that really appeals to you? That possibility, as slight as it may be, should keep you trying.

And here's me earlier saying I've pretty much accepted I'll be alone forever, but part of me doesn't really want to believe that and keeps trying. It's an internal battle. When you go thru a really bad patch, just occupy yourself with something and let your feelings just ride it out. The lows, even the really deep ones, still tend to come and go, so you have to just keep on keeping on. While you can.

okidoke said:

Talking to strangers isn't that difficult really. If you say something dumb, it doesn't matter because in all likelihood you'll never see them again anyway. The trickier part is turning strangers into friends. For that you need regular engagement with the same people, and to get that you need to be bumping into the regularly. So, common interest groups, clubs, meeting places, events, where you can keep seeing the person is necessary. It is possible to get lucky and snag onto a common interest in the first meeting with someone and one might invite the other to an outing involving that interest, but it's not often the case. Appearances obviously play a role too; as you're more likely to get someone to engage with you a second time if you come across as interesting, fun and easy going. The other person can't feel threatened, intimidated, anxious, embarrassed, uncomfortable or repulsed by your presence. Put your best foot forward as they say. It's hard because you can be rejected many, many times, in subtle or direct ways, and to keep trying seems pointless and painful, but really, if we don't want to be lonely, we have to keep trying. And what if tomorrow is the day you met someone that really appeals to you? That possibility, as slight as it may be, should keep you trying.

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While all that is true I generally find that friendships and relationships have been born out of me doing nothing but being there. The less I say the more curious they become. I guess they see me as a mystery, someone who has lots to share but is careful about what I say and to whom. If I really think the person I am engaging with is him/herself interesting or worth "giving a go" I encourage them to speak about themselves. People love to speak about themselves. Eventually they will ask, "And what about you?" This is the delicate part of it. If I go off on everything I've done in my life people feel their lives are boring in comparison and they start to shy away. It's better to give them only hints if you don't want them to run off.

okidoke said:

And here's me earlier saying I've pretty much accepted I'll be alone forever, but part of me doesn't really want to believe that and keeps trying. It's an internal battle. When you go thru a really bad patch, just occupy yourself with something and let your feelings just ride it out. The lows, even the really deep ones, still tend to come and go, so you have to just keep on keeping on. While you can.

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So, the bottom line is that there is hope for each and every one of us?

Jackie said:

..... People love to speak about themselves......

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That's often true enough. And the more you can get them to talk about themselves, the less you have to talk about yourself lol

Jackie said:

So, the bottom line is that there is hope for each and every one of us?

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There's always hope

Had a better day today. Went to a riverside park in my town because I desperately needed to get out of my house. I've lived in this town 20 years and this was my first time there. Being outside felt better. I also managed to chat with a mother and daughter for a couple minutes by the info board. Felt good to interact with someone even though it was only a couple minutes. Walked for an hour and got some air and exercise. I'm going to take walks there more often now.

okidoke said:

You don't have to be an athlete. You can start by just walking; walking around where people are, saying hi to people, get into conversations about their dog, etc, but don't just engage with people you might be attracted to. Practice with anyone. I get some great chuckles and responses from older people and they probably love it. You might work your way up to riding a bike, see more places. Having said that, it hasn't opened up any real world bonds for me, but at least it's more things I can do to distract my mind. Being fitter is also better for you.

Do you have a Men's Shed in your area? Perhaps that could be of interest to you.

I've never really been into gaming. I like photography.

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Hi okidoke,
No I dont think we have anything like mens sheds in Canada. Sounds like a good idea, I wish we did

akakoom said:

My loneliness is really peaking at the moment. I'm feeling anxiety because I feel like I have to do something to rid the lonliness, but I dont know what to do. No GF, no friends. Work is all I have and now that its summer, there are a lot fewer people at work. I havent had much human contact all week. I feel like there's something I can do about it, but I cant figure out what it is... and my head is spinning

sometimes i wish i was somebody else

Click to expand...

Find a place to sit and watch people. Make sure there is a place next to you where others can sit. A bench, for example. Lonely people find each other. They speak about anything just to interact. From that can grow something more.

Jackie said:

Find a place to sit and watch people. Make sure there is a place next to you where others can sit. A bench, for example. Lonely people find each other. They speak about anything just to interact. From that can grow something more.

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These days people avoid sitting on benches with strangers, doesn't matter if there is room. It's been MANY years since anyone has ever sat next to me on a public bench.

okidoke said:

These days people avoid sitting on benches with strangers, doesn't matter if there is room. It's been MANY years since anyone has ever sat next to me on a public bench.

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Not sitting still will only decrease your chances. I am assuming you are in the US (or somewhere similar) and you probably don't have inexpensive charter flights as we do in Europe. We can purchase a one week (or more) flight to most countries along the seafront. The flight, the hotel, the meals are all included. You can go to the sea or use the hotel swimming pool. During meals and lounging around the pool you will see (and meet) the same people during your stay. Talking with them is the easiest thing to do and you'll probably become friends in no time.

Jackie said:

Not sitting still will only decrease your chances. I am assuming you are in the US (or somewhere similar) and you probably don't have inexpensive charter flights as we do in Europe. We can purchase a one week (or more) flight to most countries along the seafront. The flight, the hotel, the meals are all included. You can go to the sea or use the hotel swimming pool. During meals and lounging around the pool you will see (and meet) the same people during your stay. Talking with them is the easiest thing to do and you'll probably become friends in no time.

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oh yeah, holidaying to meet strangers is so much easier. I'm in Australia - it's bloody expensive to travel anywhere, hence I just go camping these days.