no relationship when I should have had by now

allanh · Jun 25, 2011

hi, I am relatively new to this forum. Lurked for a while but just been reading.

My problem is not being able to get into any serious relationship with people whom I have any sort of interest in.

Just a short intro:
I am 31 yr old, Asian male. I grew up in Australia since late primary school, so I think I am pretty "westernized". I think I am average to above average look, with average height and body (5 foot 11). I studied all throughout my life and am currently working as a doctor full time at a hospital. Unfortunately, I have also felt this guilty feeling since young that "being interested in a girl" is a dirty thing, hence I never made any effort in getting a girlfriend. I played a reasonable number of sports (including rugby) in my highschool days. Basically all my life, I never have had a girlfiend and rarely talked to a female for any prolonged period of time.

Now, in the past 4~5 years, I have had several serious episodes of "oneitis" (also known as crush) over several girls a my workplace, most of them were junior doctors and they happen to be all white girls (maybe I have a thing for them?). Anyway, all of them backed away as soon as they detect any slightiest evidence of I wanting to be more than friends. There were plenty of other women at my workplace (most of them nurses) whom I think are desparate and are interested in me, but I had no interest in them.

My dilemma is that I socialise perfectly and talked smoothly with male friends or those girls whom I have zero interest, however, I turn into a language turd as soon as I speak to my oneitis.......awkward silences and boring topics such as weather come up. And I am already 31 yr old but yet my dating experience is practically zero. I am very social and outspoken and happy on the outside and at work, but in reality, when I get home, I just want to go to sleep and forget about the world. I feel that I will just grow old and die on my own, once my family leave me.....

I have had people suggesting that I go out clubbing , "meet more people", try online dating, "just be yourself, she does not deserve you"...etc, however, I am not a clubbing person and trying to pick up strangers randomly when they are half-drunk are really not my thing. And most of the clubbers are probably in their late teens and early 20's... don't really see anything serious can result from that. Tried online matching but nothing real happen over 1.5 yrs. I just don't see how I can "just be myself" and expect things to change.

sorry about this incoherent rant, I know it may belong in the relationship forum, but I do feel very very very lonely and I can't seem to find a way out of it. :club:

LostInside · Jun 26, 2011

Being a medical doctor is hard work, congrats on your career path. Exactly how much time is full time for a doctor? I have a doctor in my family and he always seems busy. Correct me if I am wrong but don't you need to be on call a certain number of hours a week even when you aren't physically at work? I am by no means suggesting to cut back on work but I can see the difficulty of working social life in such a high end career.

As for clubbing that is an idea that I think is good. Even though there will be a lot of younger people there will be those your age, you just got to find the right places. There must be plenty of women in their late 20s in addition to the age group you are trying to stay away from.

newtoorlando · Jun 26, 2011

Handsome Asian guy...have you thought outside the box??? have you considered all types of women??? Pleae do not misunderstand...I would want you to find some one you are attracted too, however don't limit yourself. I do not know how you feel about dating outside of white women...but look at all women...and be yourself...that same down to earth guy who gets along with his friends outside of a date...bring that guy on your dates...it sounds like you make a date too stressful...you are busy looking for the right things to say and trying to remain that "cool" guy. Be funny, interesting...if you are dating someone who doesnot practice medicine talk about your career but not too much, as to come across as arogant but enough to keep her interested. Ask her questions, see what her career is, see what does she like to do in her spare time, schooling, etc...there are a number of things you can bring up to ensure no awkward silence. Scope your location and the things around you, if nothing else to talk about make that you topic. You sound like an interesting guy, asian, grew up in australia, a doctor i mean really I can pull quite a bit from that. Oh...last but not least...bring your CONFIDENCE...dude you are a handsome successful young man, but you don't see it. If you don't believe it how can you sell it.

floffyschneeman · Jun 26, 2011

yey another asian

hello and welcome to the forum.

I have the same problem as you. I interact well with friends so it's easier for me to be just friends with everyone. when I start to get a crush on someone, I CAN'T talk to them. I wish I could. Also, I find it hard to be comfortable around a person I am attracted to, so I mainly stay away from them as much as I can. I'll just lurk and lurk and watch him from a far, how he gets a new girl and how they break up and how he gets another girl ¬¬ Yeah, I'm kind of a creep.

allanh · Jun 26, 2011

LostInside said:
Being a medical doctor is hard work, congrats on your career path. Exactly how much time is full time for a doctor? I have a doctor in my family and he always seems busy. Correct me if I am wrong but don't you need to be on call a certain number of hours a week even when you aren't physically at work? I am by no means suggesting to cut back on work but I can see the difficulty of working social life in such a high end career.

As for clubbing that is an idea that I think is good. Even though there will be a lot of younger people there will be those your age, you just got to find the right places. There must be plenty of women in their late 20s in addition to the age group you are trying to stay away from.

hi, thanks for the advice. Fulltime basically means working from 8am to 6:30pm Monday to Friday + occasional weekends of 8:30am~11pm.
When I get home, I am exhausted and going out would be the last thing on my mind. I am seriously considering taking up on your advice and going out to club/pubs to take a look....... I have been to a few but never seem to fit in.
I preferably would like to get to know someone as a friend first and then develop from there. Going clubbing and chatting people up seem to make me look like a guy who is just scouting for a date? Maybe I am old fashioned or perhaps watched too many romantic movies....

newtoorlando said:
Handsome Asian guy...have you thought outside the box??? have you considered all types of women??? Pleae do not misunderstand...I would want you to find some one you are attracted too, however don't limit yourself. I do not know how you feel about dating outside of white women...but look at all women...and be yourself...that same down to earth guy who gets along with his friends outside of a date...bring that guy on your dates...it sounds like you make a date too stressful...you are busy looking for the right things to say and trying to remain that "cool" guy. Be funny, interesting...if you are dating someone who doesnot practice medicine talk about your career but not too much, as to come across as arogant but enough to keep her interested. Ask her questions, see what her career is, see what does she like to do in her spare time, schooling, etc...there are a number of things you can bring up to ensure no awkward silence. Scope your location and the things around you, if nothing else to talk about make that you topic. You sound like an interesting guy, asian, grew up in australia, a doctor i mean really I can pull quite a bit from that. Oh...last but not least...bring your CONFIDENCE...dude you are a handsome successful young man, but you don't see it. If you don't believe it how can you sell it.

Thanks... I absolutely agree with what you are saying. I in fact practise what you suggest on day-to-day basis. However, as soon as I meet someone whom I like, all these talking skills go out of the window. My typical conversation with an attractive girl goes like:

"hey, how are you?" - me
"I am good"
"Nice weather. What did you do for the weekend?" - me
"Just relaxing, so tired from the work"
"............."

stupid convo, isn't it?

btw, I am not out there exclusively looking for white girls. It just happens that the oneitis that I come across in the past 2 years have been white (which I think make things harder). To make things more pathetic, I really only started taking interest in dating in the past 2 years....... all failures and go according to the same script. None of them even got to the "dating" stage. Most I just picked up the rejection sign early on and either continue to pest around or backoff.

IgnoredOne · Jun 26, 2011

I can sympathize. You need to get more experience, but I don't think that clubbing or your current workplace is necessarily the best place for that. You mentioned women interested in you - as cruel as it might sound, have you considered going out with them to get to know them better? If nothing else, you might get more experience which is immensely valuable.

As a professional, I am certain that you are aware of the importance of firsthand experience in anything you do. This is really no different.

You are disadvantaged by the fact that you are short and you are an Asian male; being realistic about it helps. However, your professional commitment and presumed wealth are to your advantage. You should be able to work something out.

Finally, and this is an unusual suggestion but one that has recently occurred to me: have you considered talking to women over Skype or other voice chat? Believe it or not, I think that may actually increase your overall comfort level.

Lonesome Crow · Jun 26, 2011

Lmao....so you're on a mission to contaminate whitie's gene pool too.
I've only dated white women all my life and most of them asked me out
and I'm not even a doctor

My ex-wf

Our duaghter

My fiance

Our daughter

200351_204137186285033_100000662593648_617316_1525875_n.jpg

I make beautiful babies

I'm a hawt white chicks magnet

264048_235359373147532_100000204133606_1189632_3553615_n.jpg

errr..wtf dude...you're a doctor.
Since you think you're western and like white chicks.
materialism is the mentality.
Get yourself a nice pad...a fancy sports car that no one else have.
Something excotic... like a porch, viper..Not a Beamer, Lexus or Mercedy that most Dr. drives.
Let your wild side out...change your woredrob, grow your hair like a beach boy or rocker..
Last but not least...Rip on the guitar like I do

Since you're a dictor...study on how to get women...off..off. Get them to cream and scream.
it's not dirty...women loves it.

You might think it's shallow or whatever the **** women will tell ya...
Take it from me...do you want results? (hawt white chicks or dont ya?)

LostInside · Jun 26, 2011

allanh said:
LostInside said:

Being a medical doctor is hard work, congrats on your career path. Exactly how much time is full time for a doctor? I have a doctor in my family and he always seems busy. Correct me if I am wrong but don't you need to be on call a certain number of hours a week even when you aren't physically at work? I am by no means suggesting to cut back on work but I can see the difficulty of working social life in such a high end career.

As for clubbing that is an idea that I think is good. Even though there will be a lot of younger people there will be those your age, you just got to find the right places. There must be plenty of women in their late 20s in addition to the age group you are trying to stay away from.

Click to expand...

hi, thanks for the advice. Fulltime basically means working from 8am to 6:30pm Monday to Friday + occasional weekends of 8:30am~11pm.
When I get home, I am exhausted and going out would be the last thing on my mind. I am seriously considering taking up on your advice and going out to club/pubs to take a look....... I have been to a few but never seem to fit in.
I preferably would like to get to know someone as a friend first and then develop from there. Going clubbing and chatting people up seem to make me look like a guy who is just scouting for a date? Maybe I am old fashioned or perhaps watched too many romantic movies....

If it makes you you look like you are scouting for a date does that matter? Many women may be there looking for a date themselves and if you don't speak to them you may seem like a guy who is just out for a date, but if you speak to them they will see a tall, smart, medical doctor. From the tone of your posts it does not sound like you are looking to get out merely to have *** with people, do not conflate looking for a date with looking for ***. Being a medical doctor is a massive advantage over many other men. Not the financial aspect, even doctors can spend and credit card themselves into debt, but the intelligence factor and the job security factor both are two very positive aspects women take a look at.

allanh · Jun 28, 2011

IgnoredOne said:
I can sympathize. You need to get more experience, but I don't think that clubbing or your current workplace is necessarily the best place for that. You mentioned women interested in you - as cruel as it might sound, have you considered going out with them to get to know them better? If nothing else, you might get more experience which is immensely valuable.

As a professional, I am certain that you are aware of the importance of firsthand experience in anything you do. This is really no different.

You are disadvantaged by the fact that you are short and you are an Asian male; being realistic about it helps. However, your professional commitment and presumed wealth are to your advantage. You should be able to work something out.

Finally, and this is an unusual suggestion but one that has recently occurred to me: have you considered talking to women over Skype or other voice chat? Believe it or not, I think that may actually increase your overall comfort level.

hi, thanks for the advice. I have not yet considered talking to women over Skype. I would imagine it would be similar to online dating? Currently I am on eHarmony but not much luck on that front. There are a few matches but I am usually not interested in the profiles that were matched to me there.
In terms of height, I am not sure I am that short? 5"10 I think is probably average.
Being an Asian, I agree with you , is definitely a disadvantage. No matter how much you think you understand the Western culture, there always seem to be a barrier.

LostInside said:
allanh said:

LostInside said:

Being a medical doctor is hard work, congrats on your career path. Exactly how much time is full time for a doctor? I have a doctor in my family and he always seems busy. Correct me if I am wrong but don't you need to be on call a certain number of hours a week even when you aren't physically at work? I am by no means suggesting to cut back on work but I can see the difficulty of working social life in such a high end career.

As for clubbing that is an idea that I think is good. Even though there will be a lot of younger people there will be those your age, you just got to find the right places. There must be plenty of women in their late 20s in addition to the age group you are trying to stay away from.

Click to expand...

hi, thanks for the advice. Fulltime basically means working from 8am to 6:30pm Monday to Friday + occasional weekends of 8:30am~11pm.
When I get home, I am exhausted and going out would be the last thing on my mind. I am seriously considering taking up on your advice and going out to club/pubs to take a look....... I have been to a few but never seem to fit in.
I preferably would like to get to know someone as a friend first and then develop from there. Going clubbing and chatting people up seem to make me look like a guy who is just scouting for a date? Maybe I am old fashioned or perhaps watched too many romantic movies....

Click to expand...

If it makes you you look like you are scouting for a date does that matter? Many women may be there looking for a date themselves and if you don't speak to them you may seem like a guy who is just out for a date, but if you speak to them they will see a tall, smart, medical doctor. From the tone of your posts it does not sound like you are looking to get out merely to have *** with people, do not conflate looking for a date with looking for ***. Being a medical doctor is a massive advantage over many other men. Not the financial aspect, even doctors can spend and credit card themselves into debt, but the intelligence factor and the job security factor both are two very positive aspects women take a look at.

I used to think that way and thought that I could get a lady of my dream anytime (it's an baseless and arrogant assumption that I now find false). In the past 2 years, I find that women are looking for that specific "charm" and "attractiveness" in a male and you either have it or you don't (I believe I belong to the latter group). Material wealth and academic knowledge seem to come second to their consideration (from my observation anyway). After being turned away by a couple of girls I was interested in , I started to believe , rightly or wrongly , perhaps I am just doomed to be single forever >< My confidence is now completely shattered

A side story and if anyone has a suggestion, I would really appreciate it.

There is this girl who works as an intern at work. I invited her to a group dinner reserved a few months back and the dinner is booked for next week. At the time, we just got to know each other through work and she accepted. However, last week, she messaged me saying that she probably would not come to that dinner because she does not know anyone there. Should I have taken that as a sign of rejection? I mean, she knew the fact that the people there aren't going to be familiar faces when she accepted the invitation and now all of the suddenly she decided it's an issue and declined at the last minute?

Let's assume it's a rejection , perhaps she was sensing my interest in her more than as work colleagues, is there any more point in trying to catching up with her for coffee / or invite to other catchups such as lunch? Or would that just turn her off further or make me look clingy? I mean, IF the fact that she declined the group dinner invitation was a sign of rejection, it was a very subtle one (to me anyway) and I may or may not have interpreted it correctly. Should I just forget about her and look for my next oneitis?

thanks for any advice

IgnoredOne · Jun 28, 2011

allanh said:
. I have not yet considered talking to women over Skype. I would imagine it would be similar to online dating? Currently I am on eHarmony but not much luck on that front. There are a few matches but I am usually not interested in the profiles that were matched to me there.
In terms of height, I am not sure I am that short? 5"10 I think is probably average.
Being an Asian, I agree with you , is definitely a disadvantage. No matter how much you think you understand the Western culture, there always seem to be a barrier.

Its a disadvantage but not a major one. You really just need more experience talking to women socially more than specifically dating. I don't believe that 5'10" is short either.

I don't think its a cultural thing, to be honest. It might be the /perception/ of cultural deviance, but a lot of it is just simple physical attraction. Asian men in the media are often portayed as weak, nerdish, and asexual(or worse); this unfortunately forms a kind of portrayal of us that is rather unflattering and without any contrary firsthand knowledge, many women have to take their information from those sources.

You really just need to get to know people and express yourself as an individual, which will overcome the stigma to an extent. As far as material wealth, etc; ultimately, it is confidence that women read first and foremost in men. If you do have good material success and/or academic success, then you should have confidence in yourself(you've accomplished a lot!), and that should reflect. If you cannot believe in yourself and have confidence in yourself, then others will not.

Its a bit like looking for a job. If you go into an interview uncertain if you can fulfill the requirements of the job, with a deep lack of belief in yourself, your lack of confidence will become known to the interviewer, no? And it can basically torpedo your chances of getting the job, even if you have the good paper credentials.

If anything, the main cultural difference is this: "Eastern systems" generally allow individuals to specialize more and focus less than intercommunications, by creating a framework of rules. There's less mystery, less uncertainty when you know what you're supposed to do: get a career, get a car, get a house, get the girl - more or less in that specific order. In some ways, it can make the woman seem almost mercenary, but it does allow for more order, less drama.

"Western systems" have much less clearly delinated goalposts and offers both more freedom as well as less guidance. When it comes down to it, it also has its own set of invisible rules, but they tend to be much less rational and logical, but also often more romantic(or at least have the illusion of one).

What I prefer, of course, is the Western system, but that's because that's what I've grown up in my entire life. I vaguely wonder if that's also why I've preferred Caucasian girls as well, though it has made me feel a bit guilty.

Lonesome Crow · Jun 28, 2011

you think too damn much...being a brainie as you are..it's like a double edge swore sometimes.
She said she dosnt know anyone there...which is understandable...
She probably kinda like you. You dont like to go clubing or socializing with a crowd of people.
Too much...too fast for her
Maybe ask her out to lunch, a cup of coffee or miniture golf.
Something casual...my gf likes going to arcades..we goof around like little kids just being
ourselve. Less tensions not having to behave a certain way.

These were some of the things you missed out on by not having a HS GF or sweet heart.
We didnt always have ***, go to party, go out. We just hung out and enjoy each other's
company. Play vedio games, watch movies, stroll at the beach,have a pinic, go swimming, rolled around, run around in play rounds or just watch sunset together. Puppy love. Thats all I did with my first GF. We never had ***..just made out a lot.

Later on in my life...women actaully likes these type of activitives. They fine it romantic.
It's also one of the reason why some women likes me becuase I've learn to do these things.

It's also why Renae and I love each very, very much. Our bonding went beyound ***, or
emotional bonding. Renae, my fiance was my HS_SWEETHEART. We had many, many good
memories and moments together...those activities I mention above. We did so, so much more.
No matter what happened in my life and all the bad **** that happened to me...
I know...my life wasnt all bad.

allanh · Jun 28, 2011

hey, Lonesome Crow, thanks man. Your words gave me some hope and perhaps I am just overinterpreting things. You are right, my dating age is probably still at a highschool level. Do you reckon I should invite her on an weekend lunch outing? Or should I wait to talk to her a bit more at work (with the limited opportunity we have, it's a huge hospital) before making further invites?

mountains8 · Jun 28, 2011

allanh said:
hi, I am relatively new to this forum. Lurked for a while but just been reading.

My problem is not being able to get into any serious relationship with people whom I have any sort of interest in.

Just a short intro:
I am 31 yr old, Asian male. I grew up in Australia since late primary school, so I think I am pretty "westernized". I think I am average to above average look, with average height and body (5 foot 11). I studied all throughout my life and am currently working as a doctor full time at a hospital. Unfortunately, I have also felt this guilty feeling since young that "being interested in a girl" is a dirty thing, hence I never made any effort in getting a girlfriend. I played a reasonable number of sports (including rugby) in my highschool days. Basically all my life, I never have had a girlfiend and rarely talked to a female for any prolonged period of time.

Now, in the past 4~5 years, I have had several serious episodes of "oneitis" (also known as crush) over several girls a my workplace, most of them were junior doctors and they happen to be all white girls (maybe I have a thing for them?). Anyway, all of them backed away as soon as they detect any slightiest evidence of I wanting to be more than friends. There were plenty of other women at my workplace (most of them nurses) whom I think are desparate and are interested in me, but I had no interest in them.

My dilemma is that I socialise perfectly and talked smoothly with male friends or those girls whom I have zero interest, however, I turn into a language turd as soon as I speak to my oneitis.......awkward silences and boring topics such as weather come up. And I am already 31 yr old but yet my dating experience is practically zero. I am very social and outspoken and happy on the outside and at work, but in reality, when I get home, I just want to go to sleep and forget about the world. I feel that I will just grow old and die on my own, once my family leave me.....

I have had people suggesting that I go out clubbing , "meet more people", try online dating, "just be yourself, she does not deserve you"...etc, however, I am not a clubbing person and trying to pick up strangers randomly when they are half-drunk are really not my thing. And most of the clubbers are probably in their late teens and early 20's... don't really see anything serious can result from that. Tried online matching but nothing real happen over 1.5 yrs. I just don't see how I can "just be myself" and expect things to change.

sorry about this incoherent rant, I know it may belong in the relationship forum, but I do feel very very very lonely and I can't seem to find a way out of it. :club:

"There were plenty of other women at my workplace (most of them nurses) whom I think are desparate and are interested in me, but I had no interest in them."

There's your problem bro. Stop being so stuck up because you're a "doctah"....I bet one of those nurses is really nice once you learn to be less conceited.

allanh said:
hi, I am relatively new to this forum. Lurked for a while but just been reading.

My problem is not being able to get into any serious relationship with people whom I have any sort of interest in.

Just a short intro:
I am 31 yr old, Asian male. I grew up in Australia since late primary school, so I think I am pretty "westernized". I think I am average to above average look, with average height and body (5 foot 11). I studied all throughout my life and am currently working as a doctor full time at a hospital. Unfortunately, I have also felt this guilty feeling since young that "being interested in a girl" is a dirty thing, hence I never made any effort in getting a girlfriend. I played a reasonable number of sports (including rugby) in my highschool days. Basically all my life, I never have had a girlfiend and rarely talked to a female for any prolonged period of time.

Now, in the past 4~5 years, I have had several serious episodes of "oneitis" (also known as crush) over several girls a my workplace, most of them were junior doctors and they happen to be all white girls (maybe I have a thing for them?). Anyway, all of them backed away as soon as they detect any slightiest evidence of I wanting to be more than friends. There were plenty of other women at my workplace (most of them nurses) whom I think are desparate and are interested in me, but I had no interest in them.

My dilemma is that I socialise perfectly and talked smoothly with male friends or those girls whom I have zero interest, however, I turn into a language turd as soon as I speak to my oneitis.......awkward silences and boring topics such as weather come up. And I am already 31 yr old but yet my dating experience is practically zero. I am very social and outspoken and happy on the outside and at work, but in reality, when I get home, I just want to go to sleep and forget about the world. I feel that I will just grow old and die on my own, once my family leave me.....

I have had people suggesting that I go out clubbing , "meet more people", try online dating, "just be yourself, she does not deserve you"...etc, however, I am not a clubbing person and trying to pick up strangers randomly when they are half-drunk are really not my thing. And most of the clubbers are probably in their late teens and early 20's... don't really see anything serious can result from that. Tried online matching but nothing real happen over 1.5 yrs. I just don't see how I can "just be myself" and expect things to change.

sorry about this incoherent rant, I know it may belong in the relationship forum, but I do feel very very very lonely and I can't seem to find a way out of it. :club:

IgnoredOne · Jun 28, 2011

mountains8 said:
"There were plenty of other women at my workplace (most of them nurses) whom I think are desparate and are interested in me, but I had no interest in them."

There's your problem bro. Stop being so stuck up because you're a "doctah"....I bet one of those nurses is really nice once you learn to be less conceited.

I don't know. There is a genuine risk that there /are/ women who will entirely depend on him for financial assistance; sadly, such women do target doctors and often work at hospitals for more or less that purpose. I've known at least two or three; he might simply be avoiding the heck out of the have-been tattooed girl who's looking for a meal ticket to wash out her earlier bad decisions.

On the other hand, I really like nurses - or at least nursing students! I've dated two, and made them both wear a white nursing outfit with white high heels at least once

Lonesome Crow said:
you think too damn much...being a brainie as you are..it's like a double edge swore sometimes.

It is a sad thing when intelligence is ever belitted or denigrated. I would rather say it is because his 'social knowledge' or 'social intelligence' is low, that he is having these difficulties. As anyone who studies the IQ tests is aware, intelligence covers a spectrum of aptitudes. Just because someone has the best grades does not predispose him to every other kind of capability.

Now, personally, I believe in being the poet warrior so I do seek to be accomplished in all things. Its glorious madness.

I don't like the word 'one-titis' despite its popularity with so-called 'pickup artists'. There's nothing wrong with being interested in one specific girl, and the implication of the word suggests that there is. It /is/ unhealthy to become too emotionally invested, too fast, however. Which is sad and ironic in a society that preaches destined couples and love on first sight.

allanh · Jun 28, 2011

hi, mountain8, it is not my intention to come across as being "stuck up". It just happens that my attractions were to my direct working colleagues and I have not had the same feelings to any other particular profession thus far. If I find a real attractive lady who is a nurse, it definitely isn't a barrier to I approaching her.

IgnoredOne · Jun 28, 2011

allanh said:
hi, mountain8, it is not my intention to come across as being "stuck up". It just happens that my attractions were to my direct working colleagues and I have not had the same feelings to any other particular profession thus far. If I find a real attractive lady who is a nurse, it definitely isn't a barrier to I approaching her.

You, of course, realize the immense professional risks that you would be taking in /any/ sort of fraternization with direct working colleagues?

Furthermore, you also realize that the odds of a couple of both medical providers working out is minisicule, yes? Doctors already have one of the highest divorce rates, and a pair of doctors would statistically double the likelihood.

Also: your standards are remarkably high for your lack of experience. You should consider getting to know people simply for more knowledge/experience, not to necessarily select a life partner right away.

allanh · Jun 28, 2011

IgnoredOne said:
I don't like the word 'one-titis' despite its popularity with so-called 'pickup artists'. There's nothing wrong with being interested in one specific girl, and the implication of the word suggests that there is. It /is/ unhealthy to become too emotionally invested, too fast, however. Which is sad and ironic in a society that preaches destined couples and love on first sight.

I believe "oneitis" means you like a person but that person isn't reciprocating? It also implies a "crush" which usually happen to young highschooler (which my relationship matu.rity is at right now).
I admit I don't know this intern that well. I pretty much started liking her because she was really helping me out a lot on one of my bad days when she didn't have to , has a cute/angelic face and most important of all a lovely personality from the limited contact that I had with her.

Under normal circumstances, those things alone probably shouldn't make a guy falling all over her, but in a situation of "oneitis", naive people who have romantic tunnel vision (like me) just get stuck in this trap. She probably wouldn't have a clue how this guy is just suddenly all-over her.

IgnoredOne · Jun 28, 2011

allanh said:
IgnoredOne said:

I don't like the word 'one-titis' despite its popularity with so-called 'pickup artists'. There's nothing wrong with being interested in one specific girl, and the implication of the word suggests that there is. It /is/ unhealthy to become too emotionally invested, too fast, however. Which is sad and ironic in a society that preaches destined couples and love on first sight.

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I believe "oneitis" means you like a person but that person isn't reciprocating? It also implies a "crush" which usually happen to young highschooler (which my relationship matu.rity is at right now).
I admit I don't know this intern that well. I pretty much started liking her because she was really helping me out a lot on one of my bad days when she didn't have to , has a cute/angelic face and most important of all a lovely personality from the limited contact that I had with her.

Under normal circumstances, those things alone probably shouldn't make a guy falling all over her, but in a situation of "oneitis", naive people who have romantic tunnel vision (like me) just get stuck in this trap. She probably wouldn't have a clue how this guy is just suddenly all-over her.

Nah, one-it-is is a singular focus of a girl as 'the one.' You'll get it bad after a breakup where she dumps you, I can probably assure you. Its unhealthy and I highly suggest avoiding it.

A crush is a crush. There's nothing wrong with having one, and I wish you every luck. Just don't get too emotionally involved - just take it as a learning lesson. Women are surprisedly accustomed to guys having abrupt and absurd romantic fantasies about them, by the way.

allanh · Jun 28, 2011

IgnoredOne said:
allanh said:

hi, mountain8, it is not my intention to come across as being "stuck up". It just happens that my attractions were to my direct working colleagues and I have not had the same feelings to any other particular profession thus far. If I find a real attractive lady who is a nurse, it definitely isn't a barrier to I approaching her.

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You, of course, realize the immense professional risks that you would be taking in /any/ sort of fraternization with direct working colleagues?

Furthermore, you also realize that the odds of a couple of both medical providers working out is minisicule, yes? Doctors already have one of the highest divorce rates, and a pair of doctors would statistically double the likelihood.

Also: your standards are remarkably high for your lack of experience. You should consider getting to know people simply for more knowledge/experience, not to necessarily select a life partner right away.

Yes, you are right, I do not want to come across as workplace harrassment. It is really a fine line- if I make advances, it can be potentially interpreted wrongly. If I stay put, nothing will ever happen. It's like a torture. I , of course, will never do anything I consider as inappropriate or overstepping the mark.

I really do need to go out more and meet more people. The PUA people like to say the cure to oneitis is GFTW. While I think it's a bit of exaggeartion, the gist is to increase one's options. I just don't have the time/experience of know-how....... As I said, all my social contacts are from work, outside of that, I know and have no one ><

IgnoredOne · Jun 28, 2011

allanh said:
Yes, you are right, I do not want to come across as workplace harrassment. It is really a fine line- if I make advances, it can be potentially interpreted wrongly. If I stay put, nothing will ever happen. It's like a torture. I , of course, will never do anything I consider as inappropriate or overstepping the mark.

I really do need to go out more and meet more people. The PUA people like to say the cure to oneitis is GFTW. While I think it's a bit of exaggeartion, the gist is to increase one's options. I just don't have the time/experience of know-how....... As I said, all my social contacts are from work, outside of that, I know and have no one ><

You have your obstacles and solutions listed. Broaden your interests and meet people outside of the workplace; you may also find friends in the workplace to introduce you to interests and individuals elsewhere.

The PUA people are interesting but not deities.

no relationship when I should have had by now

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