22 years of loneliness

[big-jim]

Hey.. im james im 22,

I get down when im lonely & that is pretty much all the time, i have had a crap life so far (i think) and im trying to figure out if its my fault or its just everyone else...

My background is i am employed (part time just changed jobs) at the moment which is without a doubt the best thing about my life. Im an only child been brought up by my mother & father that never had any time for me & argued and used me for arguements from time to time.. my dad was always working & if not working at the pub.. my mum looked after kids (at our house) i never got attention because there wasnt any, my best friends were the kids my mum looked after & my schooling was awful i got bullied everyday of my life beaten & verbally abused mainly a racism thing i guess (im white) so my parents moved from away from London

When i was 13 i started a new school in a new county.. for the next 3 years got bullied because i was new started half way through a new school year new exams ect all messed up & everybody though i must be "hard" as im from London...

Left school and was happy i didnt have to see any #$%@'s anymore & wasnt going to get beaten up & abused anymore.. no more suicidal thoughts, but then i got bored (had no friends) so started drinking & to this day i still do heavily due to this ive had anxiety issues.. i only now have drinking buddys that are all double my age and older i still have no real friends.. i did have a girlfriend at one point but was an arsehole to her because of my drinking and she left me,

All my problems i.e my drinking, anxiety, bullying ive tried getting help from my parents but all i ever got was shouted at, they are not interested one bit & dont understand ohh and even make fun of my problems, as i have no friends to talk to or family i have no social life & at home i just sit & watch tv which i dont like,

I have no time for my family.. and ive always found it extremely hard to make friends let alone get a girlfriend.. i get so lonely all i want out of life is for some people to talk to & socialise with,

I dont know why i cant make friends.. is it because i cant interact with people properly? Because ive lernt how my parents talk to eachother is the right way to treat everyone else.. is it because i hate everyone (which i do BUT dont come across that way) im not a bad person.. i dont know wether its me the bad person here or its everyone else, people just seem to annoy me, is it me crying for attention all this goes through my head,

Also had hyigene problems when i was a teen... Untill i realised school kids were not just saying this i actually did stink as i got older i knew bathing once a week isnt enough as thats all i remember knowing as a child, not knowing any different,

My heads all mixed up.. hate the world, maybe for not liking me & making me lonely just trying to find out why,

And to top it all off my grandad died not long ago

Just a rant i guess, certainly not looking for sympathy

I still cannot go downstairs & have a conversation with my parents.. it gets me down,

 

[Felix]

Sounds like your parents are the problem. Not only they are not suportive but they hand't tought you well. Not even that you have to take a bath every day... If I were you I'd try therapy, you are still on time to change.

I know how it feels to be bullied and not fitting in. It sucks but there is much more in life than stupid highschool kids. Try to stay possitive!

 

[Nolife Princess]

Hi James,
So sorry about your grandad, grandparents are special, sometimes even more so than our parents (

Life can be cruel, and so not fair. and as young children/teens we only know what our folks teach us.. but as we grow and learn we pick up from there.
Children are not born with instruction papers.. so for most part our parents wing it, and I would hope do the best they can in raising us.
That being said... some parents seem better than others.. again, not fair. but it happens.

The only thing one can do is pick up and carry on.

Welcome to the forum, lots of really good folks here, and lots of great friends to be made.

*hugs*
-me

 

[big-jim]

Yes yes i went to therapy and got made fun off from my parents for going & said stupid things like "dont forget to tell them what bad parents we are" and stuff like that & they were being sarcastic but i always though in my head yeah i will just be honest haha

Only lasts 7 weeks here.. helped me alot tho, cant go again..

 

[gnome3]

Welcome to A Lonely Life forum, big-jim. If you frequent this forum regularly, you'll find things posted that you will relate to. Glad to see you here.

 

[big-jim]

Hi James,
So sorry about your grandad, grandparents are special, sometimes even more so than our parents (

Life can be cruel, and so not fair. and as young children/teens we only know what our folks teach us.. but as we grow and learn we pick up from there.
Children are not born with instruction papers.. so for most part our parents wing it, and I would hope do the best they can in raising us.
That being said... some parents seem better than others.. again, not fair. but it happens.

The only thing one can do is pick up and carry on.

Welcome to the forum, lots of really good folks here, and lots of great friends to be made.

*hugs*
-me

The only thing getting me through life is knowing one day il hopefully be happy with a family of my own, and will be the best father in the world, and guide them in life from what i have learned the right way of life..

The only thing that got me through school life was knowing one day it will all stop, plus im a coward.. and believe it or not im actually a possitve person haha

Well i try to be.. untill i get knocked back in life with NO ONE to talk too,

 

[Nolife Princess]

James, *hugs* to you.. if you wanna talk to me anytime, please feel free to PM me. I am here(
as the forum, everyone is wonderful.. and love you unconditionally. no questions ask.

 

[Kat]

Welcome to the forum. I can relate to some of the things you have said and I'm sure many others can too. Hope you can find some comfort and feel less lonely here.

 

[Felix]

Yes yes i went to therapy and got made fun off from my parents for going & said stupid things like "dont forget to tell them what bad parents we are" and stuff like that & they were being sarcastic but i always though in my head yeah i will just be honest haha

Only lasts 7 weeks here.. helped me alot tho, cant go again..

O_O That's a tuff one mate...

 

[Lonesome Crow]

You can go to ACOA MEETINGS....

then tell everyone you were raised
By a drunk and codi....

Everyone in that meeting will
Understand ya and identity with
Ya at some level....

Heck when i first stop drinking
My father was making fun of me..
I should had known better he was
Was a lunatic.lol

---

Which explain my crazy childhood.lol

You know that cleche?...
A girl will run away from home
To get away from her father..
Only to end up marrying someone
Like her father.....
You think its stupid...but when
You actually doing that yourself...
You're like...OH, HELL NO. LOL

 

[Unwanted94]

I feel your pain. I have those same thoughts as well, and I'm 17. I haven't had any friends since I left public school,and that was in 2007. I became home-schooled when I was 13,and I finished up school early,and now I'm almost 18 and still no friends. Of course, I've always been single and I've tried online dating many times but that's only made matters worse.Anyway...

I know loneliness is a terrible feeling. That isolated feeling,and then like you said...You want to talk to others, but you won't. That could be social anxiety. It could also be a fear of rejection. It's good that you're a friendly person, I doubt you're some ****** bag, but it's sad to know that there are trollsome types of people out there that have more of a social life than those that are nice. It makes me sick. I've tried alcohol too to kind of drown out the feelings of it, but I realized that its really just mind over matter,and so I stopped. I know sometimes, I feel more lonely when I'm really around others then when I'm alone,and then sometimes, I feel more lonely when I'm bored. When I'm not doing anything. When I have no plans. I currently have no income, so I can't do very much at the moment.

I think after awhile, "A lonely life" just becomes...well...a lonely life.A lifestyle. It changes you. I would think a person who's lonely for quite some years (especially all their lives),even if you do end up having a mate or a good set of friends, I think it would be hard to shake off the feelings of isolation and despair. If it would in the first place. I can imagine the thoughts you have, because I'm always,always, wondering similar thoughts myself. I hate that feeling of not having anyone to talk to. In my opinion, if there's one thing that sucks about loneliness, it's that. Not having anyone to talk to....especially someone that will listen.
No one listens, some seem not to care,and some are very judgmental of what you say. I think loneliness does have it's positives though. I think it can teach a person to be more independent and self-sufficient. I think it also helps them to get to know themselves better too,and to achieve their goals better.

I remember reading on some website that the teen years are the most "crucial" when it comes to social development.Well,I've spent the majority of the teenage hood alone. 5+ years of unwelcomed solitude can be quite painful,and after awhile, the pain for me just becomes...normal. Like, sometimes I just couldn't imagine not feeling some sort of discomfort from all of it. It's a sad thing, but it is what it is. I tend to get down from being lonely when I think of it deeply. I think of it every single day, but I don't always feel down. A lot of people are surprised when I answer "No,I don't [really] have any friends." Sometimes, they don't even believe me,and that gets me wondering myself. I don't have low-self esteem,and I have had very good conversations with many people, so I don't know why I'm alone. Maybe it's because I have become very introverted, and I don't want to reach out to others because I'm sure they won't reach back.
So I just learn to deal with it. I continue living and just doing what I enjoy doing. Yeah, I have my days, but I can't do anything about,you know?
You can't just...make someone be your friend, or make someone talk to you, or make someone be your soul mate. It doesn't work like that. Even if you try to force a friendship, that will only make you feel even worse,and it wouldn't be genuine.

I don't really have any 'decent' advice to give, but I would just learn to deal and make the best. Sometimes, it's not the person we miss, but it's the activities. Try doing things you would usually do with someone else, but alone. You know, the movies, the park, eating out, seeing a play or something. If that doesn't help, then you could try to make some friends,and if that fails, then welcome to the Loner's World. Learn how to be a Loner and love it,and screw everyone else.

Hey.. im james im 22,

I get down when im lonely & that is pretty much all the time, i have had a crap life so far (i think) and im trying to figure out if its my fault or its just everyone else...

My background is i am employed (part time just changed jobs) at the moment which is without a doubt the best thing about my life. Im an only child been brought up by my mother & father that never had any time for me & argued and used me for arguements from time to time.. my dad was always working & if not working at the pub.. my mum looked after kids (at our house) i never got attention because there wasnt any, my best friends were the kids my mum looked after & my schooling was awful i got bullied everyday of my life beaten & verbally abused mainly a racism thing i guess (im white) so my parents moved from away from London

When i was 13 i started a new school in a new county.. for the next 3 years got bullied because i was new started half way through a new school year new exams ect all messed up & everybody though i must be "hard" as im from London...

Left school and was happy i didnt have to see any #$%@'s anymore & wasnt going to get beaten up & abused anymore.. no more suicidal thoughts, but then i got bored (had no friends) so started drinking & to this day i still do heavily due to this ive had anxiety issues.. i only now have drinking buddys that are all double my age and older i still have no real friends.. i did have a girlfriend at one point but was an arsehole to her because of my drinking and she left me,

All my problems i.e my drinking, anxiety, bullying ive tried getting help from my parents but all i ever got was shouted at, they are not interested one bit & dont understand ohh and even make fun of my problems, as i have no friends to talk to or family i have no social life & at home i just sit & watch tv which i dont like,

I have no time for my family.. and ive always found it extremely hard to make friends let alone get a girlfriend.. i get so lonely all i want out of life is for some people to talk to & socialise with,

I dont know why i cant make friends.. is it because i cant interact with people properly? Because ive lernt how my parents talk to eachother is the right way to treat everyone else.. is it because i hate everyone (which i do BUT dont come across that way) im not a bad person.. i dont know wether its me the bad person here or its everyone else, people just seem to annoy me, is it me crying for attention all this goes through my head,

Also had hyigene problems when i was a teen... Untill i realised school kids were not just saying this i actually did stink as i got older i knew bathing once a week isnt enough as thats all i remember knowing as a child, not knowing any different,

My heads all mixed up.. hate the world, maybe for not liking me & making me lonely just trying to find out why,

And to top it all off my grandad died not long ago

Just a rant i guess, certainly not looking for sympathy

I still cannot go downstairs & have a conversation with my parents.. it gets me down,

 

[French Toast]

Hi James,

Yeah, I can relate to a lot of what you said. I'm 22 as well. Maybe it has something to do with being raised as an only child, because I was raised as one too. Not sure if I have a whole lot of practical advice to give you man, but I definitely hear where you're coming from. I think it's good there's a website like this forum, though. We're all loners/lonely people, we can at least be friends with each other.