A "Backup Friend"

[TheReapedOne]

I have never had a close friend my whole life. Yes, people do talk to me, and even ask me to hang out with them sometimes, but only when none of their friends are/will be with them at the time. This makes me feel so worthless... I'm tired of being everyone's "backup friend". All that I want is to have one, just one person in my life to call my true friend who I can ask at any reasonable time to do something together, not someone who after a month of complete silence randomly IMs me and says "Oh hey, all my buddies are studying for exams/sick/etc. Wanna talk?". This treatment makes me really really angry. In fact, I would feel a lot better if nobody talked to me at all. Anyone else feel this way? Or are there any suggestions as to what I should do?

 

[tomuchnothing]

Hey,

Yes i know exactly what your talking about.

I use to always either have to just tag along with people or just sit with a group of 'friends' while they talk to each other ignoring me completly.

It felt as if i was always just being pushed to the side and only called upon when they had a problem or as you say, everybody else is busy.

I think if they really are your friends then they shouldnt treat you this way, maybe talk to one of them and explain how they are making you feel and if they dont understand then they are not really your friends.

I only really have one friend now and yes it is quite lonely but it is better in my opinion then being treated so badly.

There are nicer people out there who will be willing to be your friend im sure, it might just take time to find them but if you hang in there im sure you'll find them.

Im not the best at giving advice but i hope i have been of some help to you

 

[Matt]

To be honest I'd be glad to be people's back-up friend. It'd be an improvement over my current situation.

 

[Silvernight]

I did have a close friend once, that's when I was studying for the bachelor degree in university. There were also others, not close friends but generally very nice people to be with. I can easily say that was about the happiest time in my life, apart from early childhood perhaps. Well, that's over now. We graduated and everyone (my close friend included) returned to their cities. Now I don't have any at all, neither close, nor "backup" ones. I can understand and agree this backup thing is infuriating, but, trust me, it's no better when you never receive any calls or messages from anyone and it doesn't seem as that's about to change.

 

[Kristen]

I have never had a close friend my whole life. Yes, people do talk to me, and even ask me to hang out with them sometimes, but only when none of their friends are/will be with them at the time. This makes me feel so worthless... I'm tired of being everyone's "backup friend". All that I want is to have one, just one person in my life to call my true friend who I can ask at any reasonable time to do something together, not someone who after a month of complete silence randomly IMs me and says "Oh hey, all my buddies are studying for exams/sick/etc. Wanna talk?". This treatment makes me really really angry. In fact, I would feel a lot better if nobody talked to me at all. Anyone else feel this way? Or are there any suggestions as to what I should do?

I remember couple of years ago I had this girlfriend she used to call when she was bored and talked about nothing for hours. I hate those pointless and meaningless converstaions. Since she was just simply bored and not lonely, I figured, why do I have to put on hold what I was doing just to listen to her dirty sexlife. I started screening calls and never answered the phone. lol.

 

[armor4sleepPA]

This is a really interesting subject. I think it really depends on the mood you find yourself in. Sometimes, I like the feeling of isolation while being part of a big crowd. I'll go to a sporting event or a bar, find a place by myself, and enjoy being alone while among others. Other times, however, when I really do yearn for company, this would be the opposite of what I really need. That's when I sit at home and scroll through my cell phone's contact list and realize there's no one to talk with meaningfully.

Sometimes what really gets me is how many acquaintances I have, yet the very small number of whom I would consider actual friends. I can count my true friends on about three fingers, and they live several hours away. I am very alone in an extremely real sense, yet few would guess at it because my work keeps me so busy that others assume I have an equally busy and demanding social life. The difference is, when they go out after work to parties and so forth, I come home and find solice with a good movie or something.

Would I rather be a backup friend? No, probably not. Because even though it's a temporarily relief from exclusion, it's not genuine. And because I analyze things so deeply, I would spend most of my time pondering the notion that I'm not really wanted except as a backup, and therefore I wouldn't enjoy myself at all. Everyone needs a pet or something; animals give unconditional love. I miss my dog.

 

[Desolation]

This is soooo true! I have acquaintances, not friends. Some will talk to me but the moment they see some of their friends, they'll simply stop and start chatting with them, leaving me awkwardly tagging along (since I don't know their friends). Normally I just slip away, but they wouldn't notice anyway. The people I hang out with at school are ok but again, they have other friends (I guess that's just jealousy on my part though).

 

[evanescencefan91]

Ya i have a lot of aquaintences too, and it can feel akward talking to them sometimes, but they ussally don't talk to me unless they need a ride somewhere or some money to borrow. It feels like a lot of the friends i thought i had were just using me. And I can never tell because it just seems that people are so two faced, they can seem so sincere like they really consider you a friend but all they wanted was to get something from you.

But when i meet someone and i want to be their friend so baddly that i make it really easy for people to use me, because I'm usally more than willing to drive someone somewhere without charging them for gas, or buying their meal just because i wanted to go out to lunch with someone so bad. One time i was feeling so lonely that invited people to Dq and bought ice cream for about 5 people because i just wanted to hang out with some people so bad.

 

[armor4sleepPA]

Evanescence...

I know that feeling. Been there, done that! I'll be your friend even if you don't buy me any DQ. However, if you're heading there anyway, I do like their peanutbutter blasts!

 

[evanescencefan91]

aw thanks

*gives A4S big hugs*

 

[tennisgirl]

I've always been a backup friend. Better than nothing, though, I suppose.

 

[tomuchnothing]

After my experiences of being a back up friend i think i would rather be alone with no friends (which i am) then be a back up friend again

 

[HiddenHydey]

Kinda glad to say that nobody thinks of me as a back up friend, though incredibly fulfilling whilst being the backup (you get to feel like the true friend and everything) it soon gets very depressing when you really backup is all you are and that they'd never turn to you unless they were desperate. Glad to say that people tend to only look for me if they want advice of some sort or someone to talk to, I know they either want my detached perspective on something or just an inanimate object to talk to (seriously, if they didn't feel stupid doing it they'd use a wall instead).

Being the back up guy sucks, either get yourself recognized as a true friend or realize that you are not their friend (that's no reason to be unpleasant mind, just don't hand any hopes on it).

Or maybe I'm just jealous of the backup guy

 

[Kristen]

I've always been a backup friend. Better than nothing, though, I suppose.

true, but depends on an idividual. I also had another girlfriend, when she ran out of people to talk to I was a back up shoulder to cry on. I hated that. But on the other hand she was so depressed and lonely...it was kinda funny though, all she wanted to do is talk it out, she used to jump from one subject to another .But what made it easier for me was that she cared less about what I though about any of that so ocationally I had to drop.."oh, aha, I see "...so when she called at 4am..lol...I put her on speaker and snored till 6 am.. ...she was still talking ....oh man, I miss this girl.

 

[TheReapedOne]

Lol, that's funny! But there are definetly people like that, who need an object to let their emotions flow onto, and yet still need that object to be human. Kind of depressing, to me at least.

 

[jasmin]

I think everyone at some point is someone elses back up friend I think all the people posting here deserve a hell of a lot better than that.

 

[JustLost]

I have never had a close friend my whole life. Yes, people do talk to me, and even ask me to hang out with them sometimes, but only when none of their friends are/will be with them at the time. This makes me feel so worthless... I'm tired of being everyone's "backup friend". All that I want is to have one, just one person in my life to call my true friend who I can ask at any reasonable time to do something together, not someone who after a month of complete silence randomly IMs me and says "Oh hey, all my buddies are studying for exams/sick/etc. Wanna talk?". This treatment makes me really really angry. In fact, I would feel a lot better if nobody talked to me at all. Anyone else feel this way? Or are there any suggestions as to what I should do?

I've had one friend that I've known for roughly 20 years. Anyone else that I considered a friend has either moved away or died.

It's hard meeting people, but if you really want to meet someone that won't brush you off after a week, I'd try to find someone you have things in common with. This way there's always something for you both to do or talk about, and neither of you will get bored easily. It's a lot easier to keep friends when there's some sort of mutual interest going on. At least, in my limited experience.