advice for confused fella

[hitch1983]

OK had a date last sat.  The lead up was great, texting back n forth like a tennis match, long phone calls, all looking good.

Date day: We climbed Arthurs Seat in Edinburgh.  Nothing too taxing or challenging and both into wanderlust.   During the climb she was touchy feely, holding onto my arm etc.  After the climb we drove down the coast in my sports car and had dinner at a restaurant along the beach (i paid), and again the touchy feely nature continued at our table.  Looking good eh!?   After dinner we went a walk along the beach front, and went into an arcade for fun.  (Tried to win her a teddy but failed).  I should conversation was free flowing and both having fun.  But anyways after that, walked back to the car where we shared our first kiss.  It was around dusk about now and i thought it would be a good idea to drive further down the coast to nice spot to watch the sun go down, so we did.  The kissing and chatting continued. Then i took her home.  She invited me into her flat and we had a snack.  I then left with a kiss and the date was over.

Just one wee other fact i should say, she was having period pain on the date but it didnt dampen the atmosphere or how she was with me in anyway as you can read, she was a trooper and just carried on.  I didnt know she was feeling this way till the end of the date itself. Or i would have tried to cancel before it even happened or took her home to be considerate to her. 

Post date:  Sunday i was on cloud nine, thinking to myself i had a perfect date but i was soon to be in for a rude awakening.  As why im on here writing this now, hoping for some kind of logic to my situation.

Basically Sunday started to pass and i didnt hear a peep out of her till late sunday evening, about 7 or 8ish.  I put it down to the period pain, maybe she was just feeling really lowsy.  And once she did start to text me, it felt a little bit different, like her enthusiasm had gone and i was talking too her than with her. 

 and ever since sunday night, ive barely spoken two words to her.  hardly anything.  Shes been so distant but still pops up with an text to keep it alive.  So i have no clue where i stand.  I get the feeling shes not interested and doesnt know how to handle the situation, but when i try confront her on it, i get nothing.  

So i try to pretend nothing has changed and keep talking as normal but it isnt, she barely replies. just enough to keep it alive.

Her life wouldnt have gotten any busier than what it was before the date, because she was texting me at work and with friends, even phoning me when with friends before the date.

so i dunno what to do or think

can someone please help me?  Or least give me clue to what might be going on.

 

[kamya]

Anything I would have to say about the situation would just be negative and pessimistic and dismissed as bitterness.

For advice though I'd say to stay polite but to not expect anything more from this girl, and to keep looking for and talking to other women. Its a sucky feeling when women act this way but meeting and talking to other women usually helps for me.

Don't bother trying to understand or rationalize her behavior. Whatever explanation you might be able to squeeze out of her probably won't make logical sense anyways. You can poke holes and analyze all you want but it doesn't matter. She probably doesn't understand herself either.

 

[TheRealCallie]

As someone who has extreme cramps right now, I say give her a few days and then reassess.

 

[ardour]

Maybe let it die down for a while. In a couple of weeks ask her out again and see what kind of response you get. If it's the luke warm 'maybe some other time' but with no offer to reschedule, then it's over with. Asking for a clear yes or no to another meeting will draw out more honesty. Texting that much that soon was a bit intense anyway IMO.

Sometimes you get the impression things went well when in reality they didn't. We fail some test, fail to read the subtext in a situation and act, didn't do something right or simply weren't interesting enough. Outwardly she appeared to enjoy herself, but in reality she might have been starting to have second thoughts. It's hard to accept.

 

[Red_Wedding_Casualty]

I'd go even further than the post above. Do not contact her at all. If you've gone a few weeks without a message, she wasn't that interested in the first place.

 

[MisterLonely]

I'm probably the wrong person to comment cause I seem to make every mistake there is when it comes to women,and once done I start all over again.

Still, I would just ask her what went wrong, because I had a great time, and if she didn't I'd like to know what it was, if she just didn't fancy me, if she has doubts about me or whatever, I'd just like to know.

Experience (limited as it may be) has taught me you won't always get an answer though.

 

[NinePatch]

I’m assuming you met via a dating app. It’s the way things work when people make contact in this way. They can become very attached before they even meet and may try to capture/keep that going on the first date even though there is no real attraction.

The thing about menstrual pain may or may not have been true. Once you were in her home, it may have been an excuse to dissuade you from thinking things might be heading towards sex. For most women, the pain is gone after a few hours so if she was suffering on the Saturday it would be unusual for it to go on into Sunday.

Unless she’s hiding some complication in her life that she needs to sort out before getting into a new relationship, I’d say she’s just not that interested in taking this any further. Sorry. I know that’s not what you want too hear. She may be feeling guilty that she lead you on, all the kissing you mentioned and she just doesn’t want a conversation where she has to explain or give you the hard news.