Advice please

[TheDarkKnightess]

My best friend through 11 years, whom I've been in love with for so long, is starting to drift away from me. Now, it's not the first time he's done this. Sometimes he'll just somewhat ignore me. And each time I'll fall less in love with him, and get heartbroken. I have told him some years ago that I'm in love with him, and he said he didn't know whether or not he was in love with me. But he sends me so mixed signals, and I'm so confused... So, have any of you been through a similar situation and/or do you have any advice for me?

 

[edamame721]

I'd hate to say this to you, but he is not in love with you. He's had a few years to figure it out. If he's sending you mixes signals then he likes the attention and care you give him, and doesn't want that to end. I had someone I liked for years who strung me along until I properly confessed and wanted to go out -- at that point, he told me he had flirted with me because he thought I was flirting for fun, which I know is complete b.s.

Here's my advice: Confront him with an ultimatum and then leave if he says no. Focus on your other friendships or make new ones. The longer you chase someone who's not interested, the longer you lose out on finding someone who might like you back.

 

[TheDarkKnightess]

I'd hate to say this to you, but he is not in love with you. He's had a few years to figure it out. If he's sending you mixes signals then he likes the attention and care you give him, and doesn't want that to end. I had someone I liked for years who strung me along until I properly confessed and wanted to go out -- at that point, he told me he had flirted with me because he thought I was flirting for fun, which I know is complete b.s.

Here's my advice: Confront him with an ultimatum and then leave if he says no. Focus on your other friendships or make new ones. The longer you chase someone who's not interested, the longer you lose out on finding someone who might like you back.

Thank you for your advice. Maybe you're right... But it's hard to let go of something so dear... I mean, he's my best friend. We understand each other when others don't. Lately it has not seemed that way, but I don't want to throw away such an unique relationship that we share

 

[mintymint]

I agree with what Edamame said. If he really cares about you he should clarify where he stands once and for all. Since he won't do that, it's up to you to try and get a definitive answer out of him or to just decide to give up on loving him as more than a friend or perhaps even move on from him entirely. It's not good for you to spend years of your life in that kind of situation with all the emotional stress and uncertainty.

 

[ladyforsaken]

I agree with what Edamame said. If he really cares about you he should clarify where he stands once and for all. Since he won't do that, it's up to you to try and get a definitive answer out of him or to just decide to give up on loving him as more than a friend or perhaps even move on from him entirely. It's not good for you to spend years of your life in that kind of situation with all the emotional stress and uncertainty.

This, basically. Good luck, though, it's not really easy when dealing with emotions and feelings like these.

 

[Sci-Fi]

I have to agree with the rest. Seems like he's stringing you along because he likes the friendship and attention but isn't looking for much more than that.

 

[EveWasFramed]

Distance. Put some distance (and possibly time) between the two of you. I think this would bring some perspective and possible clarification to the situation.

 

[TheDarkKnightess]

Thank you all for your advice, I'll take them with me

 

[Tiina63]

I agree with what Edamame said. If he really cares about you he should clarify where he stands once and for all. Since he won't do that, it's up to you to try and get a definitive answer out of him or to just decide to give up on loving him as more than a friend or perhaps even move on from him entirely. It's not good for you to spend years of your life in that kind of situation with all the emotional stress and uncertainty.

This, basically. Good luck, though, it's not really easy when dealing with emotions and feelings like these.

I agree with this as well.