ah, more crap from dead here.

[dead]

3 hours in:

6 hours in:

it's cold there. and it's quiet. the noise in my earphones will remind me there's a world outside.

i am alone with my dreams, digging into lifeless clay.
i am god, making minions out of dirt.
i'm adam, taking life and death into my own hands, not waiting for the Lord to sacrifice my flesh.


i'm a pathetic creep looking for refuge, so i won't have to suffer glances from the other students in the halls.

 

[Minus]

 

[EveWasFramed]

To be able to "create" something out nothing (a lump of clay)....

You're awesome, Dead. (((hugs)))

 

[SophiaGrace]

What did you do with the sculpture later? I don't think you can fire that in a kiln can you? You're very talented, but we already all knew that.

 

[Drama]

It seems sad, angry and frustrated.

And I always wonder why you create things out of the ordinary. Is it a need to express that your different? or you feel more at ease with that style?

 

[dead]

thanks everyone.

Sophia, there's nothing to do with it. the construction is not very sound - so when i'm done - there's not much more than to photo it one last time - and trash it.

 

[alonewanderer]

thanks everyone.

Sophia, there's nothing to do with it. the construction is not very sound - so when i'm done - there's not much more than to photo it one last time - and trash it.

Well....you can always place at on some unsuspecting kid's window ledge instead of trashing it.

 

[SophiaGrace]

It reminds me of buddhist mandalas, where they create beautiful mandalas and then destroy them after they're created by sweeping up the grains of sand to remind themselves to not become attached to anything because everything is impermanent in nature.

 

[dead]

It seems sad, angry and frustrated.

And I always wonder why you create things out of the ordinary. Is it a need to express that your different? or you feel more at ease with that style?

umm... it's not the difference.
if anything... it is the similarity here, that i cannot put in words.
if i looked how i feel - this would be it.

it is the feeling i cannot express in any other way.

how can i?
words seem so rough, and so inadequate.
they seem, somehow, wrong, and crude.

how do i explain?

i do not want to live. i do not want to wake up day by day, and wonder.
i do not want to look for a new hope, or for reasons to hang about.
all i can think of is a quiet way to go.
of a way to do it so i don't cause pain to the people i love.

god i know i sound like an emo kid now, but for ***** sake, i simply no longer care.

i know i can't kill myself. it will cause damage to people i wish no pain to - so all i have left is this.

anyway.

this is why i do this.

i don't care about being different.
nothing in the world is clearer than that.

it just hurts so much sometimes that i cannot breathe. that i wish i could slam myself into the pavement all the way below.
that i could blow my head away with a bullet, or a knife.

that i was never born.

i'm sorry for this post.
i'm sorry.

i just can't keep this up for that much longer.

i am sorry.

 

[Sean]

sorry you feel that way.
maybe see a counsellor or something?
could help .


really cool sculpture by the way .
you are very talented . . I wish I could do that . . .

 

[dead]

sorry you feel that way.
maybe see a counsellor or something?
could help .


really cool sculpture by the way .
you are very talented . . I wish I could do that . . .

thank you, Sean.

 

[Jicky]

been there done that-death thoughts
but you at least get some of your feelings out by working in the clay-great therapy
I used to do macrame and when tying the knots envisioned some ppl's neck -
workling w/ your hands very rewarding.
and this too shall pass
keep on keeping on

 

[dead]

thanks, Jicky.
i hope it helped you, and things are looking better for you now.

thank you. i hope you'll have a great weekend.

 

[Punisher]

:O nice!

 

[Drama]

awwww sorry you feel that way dead *hug*

and like everyone said it's good that you can get it out and we're always here for you dear

 

[dead]

:O nice!

thank you.

---

awwww sorry you feel that way dead *hug*

and like everyone said it's good that you can get it out and we're always here for you dear

Thank you, so much.
i know that i have you here, and this forum helps me alot.
i don't know what i would have done if i could not talk here.

even in anonymity, even if i say nothing - i know i would be met with support if i ever did - and that means a whole world of difference, change, to me.

thank you.