Alone Forever

[SpectraApocalypse]

I already know that Im gonna be alone for the rest of my life. I ******* HATE IT. I cant express the frustration I feel everyday enough. I just wish I wasnt ******* born in the first place. Id kill myself but Im afraid Ill just repeat this same stupid *** ******* life Im living right now. Im either feeling utterly hopeless or ******* enraged or both. I cant ******* stand it. I dont know how the **** Im supposed to live like this. Its horrible. Just knowing your future holds absolutely nothing.

 

[michael2]

I'm not sure what your situation is exactly, but I can tell you I have had similar feelings. Im not going to say I understand what your going through, because your circumstances are different then mine, but I do have similar frustrations and feelings as you. I feel for you, I really do. And I'm sorry you are going through this.

I too thought about ending it all. But about 2 weeks ago you know what happened? A small spider, maybe 2 millimeters wide, was crawling around inside the store where I work. Instead of smashing it, I used a piece of paper to carry it outside and free it. It's that moment where I realized, If I thought such small, insignificant life was precious and valuable and deserving of being saved, how could I take my own? I can't reconcile my thoughts with what I did to save that spider. There was something intrinsically wrong.

I was at the park today driving my RC car and a guy who is also in the hobby invited me back to his house. He looked to be my age, if not a little younger.

He had a wife and a small child. It was that moment that hit me so hard. What a blessing and beautiful gift it must be to start a family with someone. To share and pass on your genetics with someone to bring new life into the world. I never really thought about how beautiful and what an enormous gift such a prospect was until I saw it today, with my very eyes.

If there's just a 1% chance I can have that happiness some day, I'm going to hold on for it. It's worth it.

 

[TropicalStarfish]

Welcome Back @SpectraApocalypse

"Don't part with your illusions. When they are gone you may still exist, but you have ceased to live." -Mark Twain

Faith, Hope, and Charity. Music. Literature. Film/Cinema. Nature. Knowledge. Wisdom. Compassion. Any color/type of Love.

Coffee and a cigarette. Cooking and enjoying good cooking. Birds.

Dreams, hopes, wants, desires, and needs...

 

[okidoke]

I already know that Im gonna be alone for the rest of my life. I ******* HATE IT. I cant express the frustration I feel everyday enough. I just wish I wasnt ******* born in the first place. Id kill myself but Im afraid Ill just repeat this same stupid *** ******* life Im living right now. Im either feeling utterly hopeless or ******* enraged or both. I cant ******* stand it. I dont know how the fresia Im supposed to live like this. Its horrible. Just knowing your future holds absolutely nothing.

I used to think like this a lot. I discovered that when I resigned myself to a future path, I'd basically created that path, and because I'd created that path, it made me realise that I could create another path. I wasn't shackled to a stone somewhere. I wasn't being forced into a life of servitude under duress. I could change things. When you're utterly frustrated with a situation, make the change. Make dramatic changes if you have to. I can be a challenge, a HUGE challenge in some circumstances, but when you realise other people have done it, why not you. You just have to want it bad enough. I realise I don't know your situation, but I'd be more than happy to converse with you privately if you like.