An interesting poem about a girl I once liked

[Mr. Sir]

Suzie and I were on a rollercoaster that moved through a Golden Tunnel of Lights,
That went around the entire world.
Claire and I were enlightened but everyone else was stupid and we were circling high above them.
We sang our song as we “chugged”
Chug along the chuggelo, chug along the chuggelo, through the Tunnel of Lights.
I was afraid to reveal my true feelings for Suzie.
So we chugged some more through the Tunnel of Lights…
Until I pulled the level and stopped it.
The climax arose, like I was Humphrey Bogart and she was Ingrid Bergman.
Something was supposed to happen but it never did.
We took pictures and I kept wishing she would kiss me, but I was too scared to kiss her.
Too afraid of rejection.
My heart beats with the true love for Suzie which falls out into this letter, and with this fall comes a feel like vomit for the fear I feel of the horrible emotions that could come if Suzie was ever gonna hurt me again.
We went our separate ways that night.
OH PLEASE, DEAR SUZIE! SAY YOU LOVE%2

 

[Naval_Fluff]

Wow, I really, really like the imagery in this, it's fantastic!

 

[Mr. Sir]

Wow, I really, really like the imagery in this, it's fantastic!

Now I'm off to try and make it rhyme

 

[francisroberts]

Hi Everyone,

here's a first draft of a song-ish-thing that could work:

i dont expect you to forget
but maybe we could move on?
face tomorrow with a smile
erase the image you've drawn

trust me when i say
that i really do care
please,*name*, just listen
you're the answer to my prayers

chorus:
wish you didnt find out this way
i'm begging for a new start of a whole new day
i believe in my heart that what i feel is true
*insert name here*, i think i love you

you cant understand
how it makes my heart break
to watch you walk away
because of my mistake

*name* i want to prove my love
please, let me hold your hand *reach for her hand*
i feel like i get you,
like i understand, but

chorus

bridge:
i dont expect you to fall for me
the way i fell for you
but please, just give me a chance
its the least you can do

*look up at her*
please, name, just one chance to let me tell you that i CHORUS

i hope this helps!

 

[jemswhite01]

Hi francisroberts ,

I really like it. It's just amazing.

 

[SophiaGrace]

Socrates, your poetry sounds very modern. Its interesting!

 

[Mr. Sir]

Hi Everyone,

here's a first draft of a song-ish-thing that could work:

i dont expect you to forget
but maybe we could move on?
face tomorrow with a smile
erase the image you've drawn

trust me when i say
that i really do care
please,*name*, just listen
you're the answer to my prayers

chorus:
wish you didnt find out this way
i'm begging for a new start of a whole new day
i believe in my heart that what i feel is true
*insert name here*, i think i love you

you cant understand
how it makes my heart break
to watch you walk away
because of my mistake

*name* i want to prove my love
please, let me hold your hand *reach for her hand*
i feel like i get you,
like i understand, but

chorus

bridge:
i dont expect you to fall for me
the way i fell for you
but please, just give me a chance
its the least you can do

*look up at her*
please, name, just one chance to let me tell you that i CHORUS

i hope this helps!

no offense dude, but please don't use a thread about my poetry to display yours.

 

[SophiaGrace]

Hi Everyone,

here's a first draft of a song-ish-thing that could work:

i dont expect you to forget
but maybe we could move on?
face tomorrow with a smile
erase the image you've drawn

trust me when i say
that i really do care
please,*name*, just listen
you're the answer to my prayers

chorus:
wish you didnt find out this way
i'm begging for a new start of a whole new day
i believe in my heart that what i feel is true
*insert name here*, i think i love you

you cant understand
how it makes my heart break
to watch you walk away
because of my mistake

*name* i want to prove my love
please, let me hold your hand *reach for her hand*
i feel like i get you,
like i understand, but

chorus

bridge:
i dont expect you to fall for me
the way i fell for you
but please, just give me a chance
its the least you can do

*look up at her*
please, name, just one chance to let me tell you that i CHORUS

i hope this helps!

no offense dude, but please don't use a thread about my poetry to display yours.

he's new though. give him a break...