Anyone else feel like they are always the one that doesn't belong?

[user 115627]

Rodent,
I've already explained to you that the conclusions you've made about me, which goes back to the topic I made when I first joined the forums, was nothing but your own misunderstanding and a false conclusion and assumption you made.
This isn't me and it has nothing to do with me. You're simply making the same ignorant assumption yet again.

No, this is exactly the same you said to everyone that gave his/her point of view on your statements and whose opinions coincidentally disagreed with yours. And if that would happen to me on a regular basis, I would start asking myself what's more likely: That the whole world is wrong and misunderstands me...or if I am at fault. That's how I see it.

Furthermore, do you know why I stopped responding to my own topic? That one I created when I first got here to explain my problems? You in particular became extremely insulting, condemning, and judgmental. All due to what you 'thought' I was saying, rather than what I was really saying. You seemed to be making stuff up about me simply because you didn't ever really understand anything I was saying and possibly because I struck a nerve with you. And you really wondered why I didn't want to be more clear? Are you kidding? I just didn't even want to be a part of that anymore. But now you're continuing the nonsense elsewhere, so I guess I can't get away from this conflict? You've forced me into it, I guess.

So, are you really going to allow this irrational conclusion of yours continue? I would prefer you simply listen to what I'm saying instead of constantly trying to judge me and maybe we can put this behind us.

It's what I saw of you so far and you didn't change at all. So I just reiterated my point of view on the attitude you continuously display here. You keep telling everyone the same thing: That they are making stuff up, twisting your words around and purposefully misunderstanding you. As I said before...if that would happen to me all the time, I would look into the mirror and wonder if I have a shifted sense of self-perception.

I based my conclusion on what you post and how you bring your message across. And it's condescending and pretentious to my eyes. Maybe I'm wrong, maybe I'm right. It's just my point of view.

You are not misunderstood.

And how would you know this? Do you know me? No, you certainly do not. Are you me? Of course not. So how could you possibly know anything about me?

So how is it you think you know whether I'm misunderstood or not? You state it as such a fact! So how do you KNOW?
You call me "judgemental" and "pretentious", but have you looked in the mirror lately? This is all you've done to me since I got here. Why???
I want to know why you're doing this. What do you have against me? What did I say to elicit such a response from you?

Again, my point of view. You are not misunderstood to me. I don't know you...but you do come across as condescending and all-knowing all the time to me. This is something I don't like in people, so I called you out on it. Don't worry, I won't do it again. Everyone that dares to disagree with you is wrong for some reason. I accept that now.

And yet here you are, doing the exact same thing to me. So we're at an impasse, Rodent.
Either you're simply just wrong about me or you're just a big ol' hypocrite with nothing better to do than go around belittling people.
So what is it? I'm really wondering about you.

Or maybe I'm right about you. We'll never know because you go into the same state of massive indignation everytime somebody tells you how you come across to them.

But thanks for proving my point anyway. I know how this plays out every time.
If you criticize a respected member of the forum, their friends will always come out to get you. Doesn't matter if the criticism was constructive or not. It's like the #1 rule of forums, and basically any clique. People are often so irrationally defensive.

I can only repeat what Callie and LadyF said. There's no conspiracy going on against you here. We all gave our individual opinions on how we see things. You are free to believe that we ganging up on you, merely because we share some views. I'm not going to tell you that you are wrong for believing so. But it will stay your point of view.

 

[Despicable Me]

Alright, if you just want to dodge everything I said, let me put it simply: Your post came over (to me, let me just say, to me, perhaps not to others or to you, but for me) to me as a post where you were telling the guy his problems weren't real because he's young.

I know, I'm sorry. As I said, though, I didn't mean it that way at all. It was just a misunderstanding.

Also, my statement about young people their problems not being taken seriously was about society in general, not about you.

Yeah, but you lumped me in there and I'm really not like that.
I would have said the exact same thing to people even my own age or even a little older. There is a point where maybe it could be true, but it's really not about the age. Anyone who looks back on their life and thinks it is wasted and has nothing to look forward to in the future is wrong. If you're still here, you can change that or just continue regretting everything. As I said, I gave advice alongside my comments and that was the point. To dismiss and throw away one faulty perspective so that another could be taken up and used.

And anyone who tells me that I am wrong to say that his perspective was faulty? I'm just going to tell them they are the one who is wrong. I don't care what they have to say, I know this is true. Anyone can change their life and have many things to look forward to if they are still here. Even if you're sick and dying, even if you only have a few months or even weeks left to live, there is so much to live for and enjoy while you still have time.
And there have been people who were faced with the worst circumstances who still enjoyed their remaining time here, because they didn't let pessimism or negativity get in the way. They did what they could to enjoy what they had left.

So it is up to every individual to throw away that old mentality, the joyless one, and embrace a new way at looking at life.

Also, I have a boyfriend, thank you. I do have something called depression.

Even so, you can't let depression stop you from enjoying the rest of your life.

People are making a huge assumption thinking I was not the same way once upon a time. I thought I'd wasted everything. I thought I was going nowhere. I felt the same way the topic creator felt. That's why I can say these things, and how I can say them the way I did. Because I've been there before. And I've offered the advice that I know works. If anyone has a problem with that then it's just too bad. What's done is done.

@Everyone else who replied to me,
The discussion has become toxic, I'm not continuing this with any of you. Say or think what you want of me, I really don't care. To be honest all I see is a bunch of hypocrites who can't even look at themselves straight, but that really doesn't mean any of you are going to change, does it? Why do you expect me to? So I don't see what point you hoped your posts would have. At least Rainbows was being sincere. I appreciated her feedback.
So no more drama, please. I hate drama, it is so pointless and exhausting. Have the last word if you want after this and then let it go, because you know I will.

 

[constant stranger]

The discussion became toxic alright......an exchange of accusations.

And Blondeblue 73's statements just got ignored among all those recriminations.......that's insensitive and ill mannered.

Blondeblue 73, being in the hospital is dreadful anyway (gosh, I hope things turned out OK) but to be there with no familiar face to escort you must have been unspeakably awful. I really feel for you. I hope you believe me.

 

[Sci-Fi]

Stop the bickering and NO name calling.

 

[HoodedMonk]

In regards to arguing with others..

I've gotten to the point where I don't respond to people who want to argue with me. I think to myself, what's the point? Because all I've learned from arguing with people is that arguing back never ever changes their minds or very very rarely does so.

So, it's better to keep silent and let the wave of rage, indignation and outrage pass over you, not because it is insignificant, but rather because there's nothing you can really say back to the person to "win". There's no winning, there are only emotions. And some emotions and reactions are those originating from cognitive distortions, so if the logic is already distorted, and you aren't a psychologist, you aren't going to be able to argue them out of it…and even if you were a psychologist, personal relationships are too close for therapeutic interactions.

As a child growing up in an abusive household, I also learned to be silent when being screamed at for fear of physical harm.

Counterbalancing out of control emotions is an important method of calming them.

I have no idea why I just said all of this. It'll probably get passed over.

Disagreeing is something I only do when I feel there needs to be a voice of dissention to break group think.

 

[ladyforsaken]

Going on topic, it may not seem like it, but I often feel like the oddball around, right from the beginning.. that I don't belong anywhere in this world. Like I said, people tend to look at the surface of me and think, oh she must not have any problems fitting in. That's only because I can get along with most people, perhaps.

Ever since I started walking, I remember how I could never relate to my siblings or the things they do. I would always be the little one, in the corner of a room filled with people, or in the middle of empty rooms just playing or talking to myself. My family never had issues with me because I was a "good" kid only because I kept to myself a lot. I never fit in with my friends in school, neither did I fit in with people at work.

I get along with people very well most of the time. But it just doesn't mean I was comfortable with it, neither does it mean I connected with them. I guess I always have this ability to cruise along.. and in all those times of feeling left out or just odd among others, I have only learned to embrace myself and my solitude. It's the only thing I know and feel comfortable with. Over the years, I find myself running away from social interaction or even trying to fit in with people.

I am done though. After all these years of trying to find connections and friends I could relate to on a deeper level, I still find myself unsuccessful for the most part and more often than not, I blame myself for these failures. Don't we all?

 

[StormChild]

Going on topic, it may not seem like it, but I often feel like the oddball around, right from the beginning.. that I don't belong anywhere in this world. Like I said, people tend to look at the surface of me and think, oh she must not have any problems fitting in. That's only because I can get along with most people, perhaps.

This is me, too. I work closely with people and I've learned a surface ease that gets me by. I chat to strangers and have no problem with new people.

My issue is that I don't *want* to be around other people, and that I never get past that surface friendliness to true friendship.

 

[Sometimes]

Even at family gatherings. I'd start talking and they'd just interrupt me, as if no words had ever left my mouth. If they do respond their replies are often totally unrelated to what I said, clearly they weren't listening.

I just had to post to this. About family gatherings. I went away for a long time, years and years, and then attended a family gathering all of a sudden. What I noticed was that my whole extended family used conversation as a competition. I noticed the competition, noticed how stressed it made me feel, noticed I didn't want to be a part of it.

Real listening, deep listening isn't all that common I think. They have to want to hear. I know you just want ordinary listening, right? But some people can't do that either. Lot's of people can't, I find. I do try, at least.

---

... I'm 21, and I feel like I have wasted my youth. The best years of my life are passing by. ...

The past experience is not proof of future experience. I'm here to tell ya, and thank whoever, that this is true. I hear that you FEEL like you've wasted your youth, but there's so much more and it DOESN'T have to be the same as what you have had, and which you don't want more of.

I've been lonely all my life, I'm still lonely, but I can say that it's been an upward trajectory starting with year 0. My teens were death on wheels, my twenties were bad, my thirties were a bit better, etc... Maybe by 70 I'll be like a "normal" person? That's not meant to be a depressing statement. Best just means better than all that came before. So, by my tracking, best might still be coming?

I keep finding out that my experience isn't so different from lots of other people. So maybe you're on an upward trajectory too?

 

[Blondeblue73]

Tiina63 and constant stranger, thank you so much for your kindness. I will get an expensive taxi back from hospital, but am worried in case I can't get to the taxi or upstairs from it. What hurts most is no one will care afterwards. On social media, all you can see are myriads of people not even having to try to keep people close but being annoyed at having so many close that they don't get privacy. Birthday gifts, piles of them I find hard not to envy. I have to save cash every month so that I'll have something to give myself on important days. I was close to a girl 2 years ago and told myself not to get close, because people always hurt you, favour others, or let you down. This girl didn't, and we became best friends. I remember very, very, clearly having a conversation with myself one night and asking myself if I dared to call this friendship home. I relaxed into it for the first time in over 30 years. Two months later, she was found dead in her bed. That was last year. I do want a close friend again, but the idea of taking another lifetime to find it in this day and age of people who don't care just is too much to hope for.

---

I did have one mentor whom I could rely on for practical and emotional advice. I told them recently I really needed them and they tutted. They then let me down 5 times in a row at my darkest hour. What kills, is at the same time, they were running several times a week to help another friend, yet couldn't spare me half an hour on the phone. So they're ditched. But they were very close. I don't think you can trust anyone.

 

[constant stranger]

Blondeblue73, I'm almost without words to reply.

I'm not sure anyone can be trusted either, and as for taking another lifetime to find something that might be too much to hope for anyway.....I'm in pretty much the same boat. No help for you, but you're not alone in that.

What to do? We have ALL to tell our troubles to. And we either keep on living somehow, or we do the alternative and die......either slow or quick.

Let's choose to keep on taking the risks of living, OK? Maybe next time, some opportunity for pleasantness will come our way, we'll see it, pursue it, get enough of it for things to be good enough to be satisfactory and it won't be taken away again.

I'd like to hear from you on this forum, some more.

 

[Stonely]

I used to feel that way but now I've matured and outgrown that feeling.

 

[agatha1955]

I'm 20, and I understand where you're coming from. I am at that age where I am starting to want relationships and things like that. But I realize that can never be, and use my time for other things.

 

[Helloworld]

I don't feel like belonging anywhere. So why bother longing for relationships?
If you think you want relationships, then try until you find one. I think you can find one someday.

 

[user 150037]

Belonging depends - some people need to belong. Be a part of a group. But others do not. Of course I wished that things were different - that I'd grown up with the vibrant social life that most have. But I feel like I'm too far set in my ways to be worried about it.

 

[Jessicat]

I feel the same Hewhowalksalone. 
Think some traits is burned so deep inside of me that they are not going to change. Trust issues and the battle within myself will never let me connect with someone as easy as it should be. This Christmas and New Year’s Eve was just another example of that. My bf and I had some of his friends over, I made dinner, we had a few drinks, we laughed and had a decent time. Yet, I don’t feel like I fit in. 
Since I was very young I have felt like I don’t belong in this life, that I was supposed to die. Now I’m just a ghost of something I was supposed to be and I have to carry that with me every day. Looking at life with this inability to be myself cause I’m not what I was supposed to be. I’m changed against my will. I think this will be a critical battle for me. Can I get to the point where I see myself and not his taint on me.

 

[user 150037]

We are the same.

 

[Joturbo]

I've only read the last couple of posts cause I have to go to work.But I felt this way for a very long time right through school and on to my 20s to 40s.Even with the few friends I've made a long the way I could only be close to them ,I never really fitted into a group.Ive been part of a group of lads for 25 years now ,we have a games night about once a month but even though we have the usual banter I still don't feel part of the group bit of a outsider after all this time.

But weirdly this year I seem to have turned it around.Someone I've known through my wife for 15 years they have always been friends but only about twice a year that I saw her has become a really good friend.She really gets me gets my weird sense of humour and I really feel like I've got a real friend at last.We all go out together a lot now and she often jokes with my wife that I'm her best friend now and not my wife,all banter of course because they are more like sisters.But it's such a nice experience being able to be myself and still feel I'm not pushing this friend away.

So all I'm saying is it can change for you ,just like it has for me you just have to meet the right people something my social anxiety had always put a block on.

 

[IncolaVacui]

Kind of. Outside of directional purposes, I try not to think in groups.  For one thing, I have underdeveloped social skills, and for another thing I'm quite eccentric. When you're a creative person, you don't really fit in anywhere, which is one of the cons of it. Though admittedly, I wouldn't change being creative for anything, either.

 

[bearcat22]

Do not let this feeling of being different trouble you too deeply.

Consider.  Look around.  

Are most people stupid, lazy, cowardly, shallow, dishonest, conformist?

Is it so bad to be different?

Perhaps not.  

Read.  Find the most "different" people that have lived.

Would you like to try to change things the way they did?

Would you actually like your life to have mattered at all?

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---

I feel the same Hewhowalksalone. 
Think some traits is burned so deep inside of me that they are not going to change. Trust issues and the battle within myself will never let me connect with someone as easy as it should be. This Christmas and New Year’s Eve was just another example of that. My bf and I had some of his friends over, I made dinner, we had a few drinks, we laughed and had a decent time. Yet, I don’t feel like I fit in. 
Since I was very young I have felt like I don’t belong in this life, that I was supposed to die. Now I’m just a ghost of something I was supposed to be and I have to carry that with me every day. Looking at life with this inability to be myself cause I’m not what I was supposed to be. I’m changed against my will. I think this will be a critical battle for me. Can I get to the point where I see myself and not his taint on me.

Well, it seems to me that the only answer is to do something exceptional.

Prove that you are different for a purpose.   Fitting in means you are meaningless and worthless.

Be more. Demand more.  

None of this revolting "change your attitude" garbage.   DO SOMETHING exceptional.

Even if that only means you strap a bomb to your body and go create justice somewhere.

Make your difference count.  Make your difference matter.

Do good? Build a hospital?  Sure, sure.  Shovel some more sand hopelesly  against the tide if you
think that means being exceptional.

Or actually remove actual evil from the Earth forever.

Imagine how much difference that would make, imagine how you will be forever remembered 
as so much better than the rest.

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[Jessicat]

Was considering replying you in emojis. Hmm. 
I decided against it.

Yes, I get your point. 
Really sure you want to send me out to cause mayhem and destruction?
*start to make a very special belt* 

Ahh. I think I’m in a goofy mood today.