Anyone else in their early/mid 20s find it harder and harder to keep a social circle?

[Paraiyar]

I'm 24. Feels like most of my friends have moved out of Wellington or are here so infrequently. One of my best friends is in the army now so I can go months and months without seeing him. Same for another one who's in the airforce. I met another guy this year who I got on quite well with despite not having a massive amount in common but he's moving to Auckland soon to be with his girlfriend. Another friend who I kind of don't have as much in common with as I used to is moving to Sweden soon. My army friend's ex girlfriend likes to hangout with me from time to time and we get on well but don't have a massive amount in common again. I've got a lot more in common musically with my bandmates but getting them together on a weekly basis is such a challenge (and will be one of my priorities in 2016) and the other guitarist is in Nelson till sometime in January.

I'm doing Economics papers at university at the moment but for the most part it isn't very social and I don't know if I'll be sticking with getting a second degree anyway.

Feels like I don't get to socialize with groups of my friends very often which makes it more difficult to meet new people and also decreases the chances of me getting a girlfriend. Think I need to make building a good social life a big priority in 2016 but the question is how? I'm having a wine and cheese night on the 23rd which should hopefully be big though.

 

[Wayfarer]

Hey. I'm 26. And well my "social circles" consist of basically my housemates and two/three other friends. You connect the dots now lol
Unfortunately I can't answer your questions ^^;; Let's just think about it and share if any of us manages to find a solution, ok

 

[Paraiyar]

I definitely need to move into a flat. Been living at home too long.

 

[Paraiyar]

I think one of my problems is that while I've got a social circle of old, good friends that I like, they are almost all male. I've hardly ever been involved in a social circle with a decent number of females and that is a big regret for me.

 

[Aisha]

Well, I think it's natural when you leave school/college, and really for a lot of people still in college to find it hard to find and keep a social circle. I move around a lot and that doesn't give me a lot of time in one place to socialize, so I can't really compare to those who are stable where they are. But as you've said, friendships you already have tend to change too because everyone has such different lives and circumstances can alter without you knowing or understanding too well how it happens, for you and for other people. If you're in university why not get involved in co-curricular activities they have to offer? Try a new hobby. Moving out of home could definitely open things up a bit too. And meetup.com.. which is something I talk about too often. Good luck with whatever you attempt. =)

 

[LonesomeLoner]

I don't have a "social circle" I just have the one friend at the moment. Other people aren't interested in me and I've accepted that.

 

[Paraiyar]

I've tried Meetup.com but it mostly seems to be orientated towards older people in my area. I may try it again though.

I have too many hobbies haha. I am hoping that my band may be ready for gigs in 2016 though so maybe that could open up some doors.

---

I don't have a "social circle" I just have the one friend at the moment. Other people aren't interested in me and I've accepted that.

Do you have interests that might be outside of the scope of most people? I do and I find that I have to keep quiet about these things with a lot of people or they just won't relate. I'd be interested to know if this is the case with you.

 

[ladyforsaken]

I'm 27 and I find that it gets harder as I get older. Some people seem to be able to keep up to a circle and increase it as they get older.

 

[Despicable Me]

Do you have interests that might be outside of the scope of most people? I do and I find that I have to keep quiet about these things with a lot of people or they just won't relate. I'd be interested to know if this is the case with you.

I know you weren't talking to me, but pretty much all my interests are "outside of the scope of most people" and I find it incredibly hard to talk to anyone in general. Even if we muster up things to say it's just a boring conversation of meaningless pedantry. So I don't even try anymore.
Yet what seems to be worse is talking to people who have interest in the same topics. The vast majority seem to go in the opposite direction I do. And that's almost an understatement. Talking to these kind of people just seems to prove that I really am a pariah. Just more proof that I will never be accepted by this society.

And that's fine, it really is. I get it. They will never accept me but honestly I will never accept them either. We are fundamentally different kinds of people. This is why I've chosen to just stop trying.
Hell, ironically I'm even a pretty smooth talker, if I want to be. I could probably charm anyone. I could have a ton of 'friends'. I just never want to do that crap, anymore. Too much responsibility, I guess. What is the point, anyway? So that I wouldn't be lonely anymore? LOL

Anyway, that's another topic.
I find that I had the biggest "social circle" (if you can call it that) in my late teens to mid twenties.
It was a period of my life where I opened up, started talking to people for once in my life, but had not quite yet realized how different I was. It wasn't until my late 20's when I started to become like... this. And that was all me. It didn't get harder, I just stopped trying.
... Ah, memories.

 

[M_also_lonely]

Hard?

 

[Volt]

Hard?

Difficult. Challenging.

 

[M_also_lonely]

Hard?

Difficult. Challenging.

Abstract, abstruse, backbreaking, complicated, daunting, demanding, distressing, effortful, harsh, herculean, heavy, laborious, intimidating, punishing, rigid, rigorous, spiny, severe, serious, stiff, tricky, tough..

...I know the meaning of the word....I meant to say like, "Is it hard for you? Well, its impossible for me."
So many people have helped me here, thanks to them, but I am still in the same place.

I have only seen 3 faces in the last four days, mine, my father's and my mother's. No real or fake friends. Even my imaginary friends make fun of me and insult me. I cant even think about someone being good to me. And when I see group of friends enjoying together, all I think is, "How the hell do they do it? Magic? Spells? Hypnosis? What is it?"


To OP, first thing, you should be happy that you have friends, even though far away. You should be happy that a girl sitting with you at the restaurant doesn't go away with another guy in the middle of dinner as he comes and says "hey remember me?" and she forgets that you were there.. You should be happy to know that going to college isnt the most difficult thing of your day..

Well, all those people who have lots of friends do not join some clubs or always do the "FIND PEOPLE WITH SIMILAR INTERESTS" kind of thing.
Still they have a bigger circle.

What would you do with so many friends? Two people behave well with you, enjoy with those two people..Forget the "something in common" thing.

 

[Volt]

Forgive my misunderstanding.

 

[M_also_lonely]

Forgive my misunderstanding.

mmmmmm......forgiven ;-) :-D lol

 

[Paraiyar]

I think part of my problem is I sometimes bring up some of my more obscure interests with some people too soon. I think if I was more easy going to begin with and paid more attention to whether the person in question was more likely to respond to it with interest.

 

[Paraiyar]

So I had my wine and cheese night last night and while it was great, I only ended up meeting one new person who I may or may not see again. If I can't meet new people I can't build a bigger social circle and without that it's going to harder to get a girlfriend. Guess I just need to concentrate on finishing my econ papers, my music and moving out, etc, etc.

 

[Tealeaf]

I've in my mid-20's and I've been noticing it for a long time. A couple years after high school I went to a house party with my women friends, when we all still lived in the same area, and a couple of them mentioned not being too interested in meeting new people. They already had enough close friends and were much less interested in taking the time to make new ones...

Years later, I think it's only gotten worse as many are getting married and having children, leaving them with even less time to focus on friends. Outside of work, which has mostly people older than me, there are very few places where I regularly get to see the same faces.

And, again, they're all older than me my ~10 years or more. When I was little I preferred talking to my teachers, but at my age liking people way older than me means we tend to be a little out of touch with the way the other grew up and have very different interests. At 10, it was easy to find teachers who liked big chapter books or who'd play chess with me--not so easy to find another student. I stop and talk to some of the women in the apartment offices sometimes, but they're in their 40's.

 

[Paraiyar]

This may sound kind of drastic but would it actually be worth searching for a new job that would have more people in your age group?

 

[Tealeaf]

This may sound kind of drastic but would it actually be worth searching for a new job that would have more people in your age group?

Only if I want to prioritize social acceptance over paying my bills and getting out of entry-level positions in this field. I spent my teens and early 20's trying to improve and have nothing to show for that except my job.

 

[lonelyfairy]

I don't even have a social circle to keep with. Never had. I wish!

Also... I don't need advices why or how to get friends. I know and have my own reasons. Just in advance. : P