So my research has led me to an interesting area… overweight people in the dating scene.. it seems that if you are overweight the expectation is you are supposed to take what you can get and have little to no standards… do you think thats accurate ? Harsh but true? Or ridiculous, why should weight have anything to do with it?
Great topic. Let me offer some anecdotes.
Unfortunately, these days, it's become necessary to point out that citing factual first person observations is NOT at all the same as saying "everyone".
Saying "I got bitten by a german shepherd" is a simple fact, not "racist against german shepherds" as the PC police would like to label it. Saying "ALL german shepherds will bite you," would be inaccurate, but morons are incapable of understanding the difference between the two comments.
I had a room mate who I considered severely overweight. Her plump best friend ended up becoming my girlfriend. They confided in me that for years they were desperate to find men.
One night they were out at a club, and were approached by two arab men. It's my understanding that in cultures with common financial / food scarcity, it's a sign of pride for a man to have an overweight wife / girlfriend. It shows he is a wealthy and can afford to indulge his woman. These guys eventually became boyfriends. The girls didn't like them, especially their refusal to bathe and their religious ideas, but, again, the girls couldn't afford to be choosy. No one else wanted a fat girl.
The girls confided that there was another reason; as muslims, the arab men were not allowed to have ******l *** with women outside of marriage; so they attempted to have *** with the girls by just thrusting between the very plump thighs without any insertion.
This didn't go over well.
The point is, every body type is attractive to SOMEone.
I met a friend of mine through online dating; we were not a match, but became friends. She was twice divorced, and lonely. Her opinion was that she was getting overlooked on dating sites due to her being overweight. She was biter, unhappy, and discouraged.
Being a rescue / fix personality, I tried to help. I told her that every female body type has a male fan base. She was skeptical. I did some research, and found a local private club online: "For big beautiful women and the men who love them". Admittedly, more a *** hookup club than a dating club.
I sent her a link to the club website, then a couple weeks later asked her what she thought. She angrily snapped at me, "I don't want to date fat men!"
She had totally misunderstood. The men in that club were not overweight, the women were.
This is leaving aside the grotesque hypocrisy of her resenting being rejected over weight while practicing that standard against men.
This is something I've experienced again and again in life. To women, facts of reality don't matter. Insanely, they regard emotions as tools of perceiving reality.
Unfortunately, society is ruled by *******. Actual laws, and social conventions, run on an absurd swinging pendulum from one negative extreme to another.
Instead of using reason, they use emotional hysteria.
"Big Beautiful Woman" has become some kind of self awarded badge of honor.
It's an over reaction to a long history of fat shaming, but it's wildly misguided.
There is a reason the saying "beauty is in the eye of the beholder" exists. I don't become a hero by insisting that people call me Bat Man.
All of the facts have to be taken into consideration:
Overweight can have many serious and real negative connotations.
Diabetes, heart disease, thyroid issues. Is an unhealthy person attractive?
Mental or emotional issues. Many overeat instead of confronting deep inner demons that on one would want to deal with in a partner.
Over committed to a job that requires a lot of time sedentary. If you're so invested in your job that you sit all day, eat poorly and never exercise, why would any man think you have time to invest in a relationship?
Poverty. Sadly, the least expensive foods are often the most unhealthy, loaded with fat and sugar.
Lack of self discipline. If she doesn't respect her body enough to feed it right, why should any man?
Misunderstanding what men care about. Just because advertising uses stick figure models to sell makeup and clothing to women doesn't mean that all men want stick figures.
The reality is, a small surplus of body fat is a healthy thing, an evolutionary defense against times of privation and stress. The reality is, a woman gains weight to be able to better feed babies, it's normal. Being fat isn't necessarily sick or shameful or bad. But to pretend that it NEVER is those things is idiotic.
A final anecdote. I worked a factory job in a New England state known for long winters. Some co workers noticed that I walked home along the highway each day; they offered to give me a ride. The first day, they told me to find their car in the parking lot. Their son, visiting home from the Navy, would be driving and expecting me.
This guy was pleasant, stationed somewhere in California. As we waited for his parents, a stream of workers walked past, predominantly women. The sailor turned to me and said, "Damn! You got some homely women in this state, dude!"
I was puzzled, and said so.
He gave me a long look, and said, "You've never been to California, have you?"
I took another look. The women were indeed all grey and dumpy, regardless of age. The nine months of winter and the fact that men there had the attitude of taking whatever they could get, meant these women simply had no incentive and little opportunity to live a healthy active lifestyle.
It would be easier to accept some women resenting being judged and desired for their bodies if they'd admit they judge and desire men for their money and status. If you are a *** object, he is a success object. Women gain immense unearned benefits simply due to good genes and a little maintenance. It isn't that easy for a man.
Men will take what they can get. Women will, but will resent the man they settle for.
I was living with a girlfriend, and one day she asked if a friend of hers could come live with us for a while. The friend was going through a rough breakup with a live in boyfriend she discovered was cheating on her. I agreed, even sleeping on the floor so the two girls could share the bed I'd paid for.
My girlfriend was a terrible cook, so I performed all the meals for us. The first morning, I rose early and made Jiffy Mix cinnamon rolls. The aroma of these cooking is wonderful, and the girls eagerly commented. I served up coffee and set out the pan.
Now, here is where the situation turns strange for me.
I am a man 5 foot 9 inches tall. Almost all of my life I weighed a scant 130 pounds and a 30 inch waist. An ecotomorph. A wimp, some would say. I loved food, but I quickly get a feeling of being "full" and eating past that makes me literally sick.
When the ladies started trying the buns, I was pleased to hear their praise: "Better than Cinnabon" for example. Gradually it got creepy. Have you ever fed a dog a hunk of meat? The dog gulps it down without even chewing. This was like that. The girls ate as if they were literally starving, INHALING the rolls in minutes, the entire pan. I think if I had reached to get one for myself, they would have bitten off my hand at the wrist.
Eventually they began to talk, the friend whining about how her boyfriend had betrayed her. She turned to me and asked how a man could do something like that. Clearly I was expected to revile him and assert I would never do something like that.
Instead, I told the simple truth. He didn't sleep with another woman because he didn't love or desire her. He didn't do it because he desired the other woman INSTEAD of her, he did it because he desired the other girl IN ADDITION to her.
The genders all too often make the error of thinking that the opposite gender uses their criteria and methods of reasoning.
To her, the only reason to sleep with someone was because they were a perfect match, the one and only prince charming. She was treating her boyfriend as if he thought the same way she did. She was wrong.
Evolution rewards a woman for holding out for the one best cave man genes, the one who will provide and hang around to defend the kids. Evolution rewards the cave man for spreading his seed anywhere and everywhere he possible can.
I went on to compare it to the buns. "You love these, you've been saying they are the best ever," I said. "but would you be happy if you could only eat these buns three meals a day for the rest of your life? Don't you also enjoy other foods sometimes?" They nodded.
"To a man, *** is the greatest possible pleasure, but it's also a literally painful imperative. He has to have it, the way a drug addict needs a fix. Use one drug long enough, and you build up a tolerance, you need more, you may even need different. Gradually, one woman alone can't satisfy all of his sexual cravings, any more than one food could. Yes, you can remain a favorite, a preferred, but it's absurd to demand or expect to be the ONLY. He may have had some outside ***, but he kept coming home to you, treating you the same, treating you well. If he were rejecting you, he wouldn't have ever come home.
You only became unhappy when you imposed YOUR ideas onto HIS thinking. This had to be an insult to you, not just a normal impulse?"
