Are Superficial Friends The Answer?

[Case]

I'm 45 and drove myself crazy with that same problem for years. In the end, having the "coveted" so-called long "friend" list (in person, not online) was not worth it.

I agree. I can't maintain a large list of vague acquaintances just to have someone around at all times.

This thread was inspired by the fact that I have a couple of close friends but they are not accessible to me right now. There's a frustration that comes down on me when I have something I want to say, something that's on my mind, or something happening in my life, and the few close friends I have who would actually care to listen don't have the time to spend on me.

I guess that's a big part of loneliness for me. It's having a want or need to share my feelings with someone, yet no one is around to listen. That's kinda why I show up here.

 

[Rosebolt]

I can fully relate to what you mean. I've been like that too. Either you lay your heart and soul on the table for me, or take the shortest route to my door.

I also realised that it was not the way to go. But it was quite tough for me to change my mindset about that.

But i realised over time, because of experience, that some small talk with random people enhances your life. That one bus conversation. That conversation with the cashier at your favourite store. The little things. But they won't happen if you don't appreciate them in the first place.

True friends can build the foundation of socially happy life, they can make the scetch. But random encounters with people, they add the colour.

 

[Jazzbird]

I only have one friend that I consider REAL.I've known him for 11 years and he is all I need.I have a good amount of "superficial" friends that I honestly couldn't care less about.As Nicolelt said quality is much more important than quantity in this case.

I think they are a waste of time.They don't bring anything to your life and it sucks when you realize most of the people on your facebook don't care about anything you say.

You should do what makes you happy.You can have only one friend and be happier than all those people with 500+ friends.

 

[thegreyman]

If I could have one really good friend, it would be better than 10 superficial friends. But being in the situation of having absolutely nobody in my life whom I could call a friend, I wouldn't mind having a few superficial friends who have interests in doing the type of things that I like - playing squash and bowling, going on car trips, etc.

 

[Broody]

My girlfriend is my best friend and she's always stood up for me and I can talk to her about anything.. We go from serious to peeing our pants in two seconds. Other than that though, I've had my fair share of trouble amongst others and can't really find anyone else I can seriously talk to..

 

[African_weasel]

I believe it's worth a try. You just have to "lure them in"

 

[Niantiel]

It worked for me, mostly. I've learned that I have to be careful though how much I invest in them because people like that will only use you. I enjoy their company though, it almost feels real sometimes, so I have to remember that it's actually rather one-sided. It comes about in the way we communicate sometimes. Things that meant something to me didn't mean something to them, and things that meant something to them I just thought were dumb and they meant nothing to me. So clearly, it isn't meant to be in the long run.

Honestly though so long as I can remember that it's not that bad. It beats the two years in otherwise total social solitude I've spent. I just have to remember not to rely on them is the thing. It's a matter of keeping yourself in check.

 

[Seeker_2.0]

Superficial friends are definitely NOT the answer, since you can't really confide in them, knowing that they don't care.

 

[Nuzzy Nuz]

I don't want acquaintances. I don't want superficiality. I want real friends who'll listen, who'll emote, and who'll see me as kindred in some way.

Way to go buddy.. That is the attitude i like.. it took me years to build that attitude.. am thankful that attitude was finally installed into my mind... it is worth it...