T
tennisgirl
Guest
Arggghhhhhhhhh, I’m so fed up right now and I don't know what to do. This social anxiety, or whatever it is, is killing me. I have all these fears that I can’t seem to overcome. It’s ironic because I know all my fears are completely irrational, I know I have no reason to be so afraid, yet I can’t seem to avoid it. I’m longing for social interaction, but I fear it. I just can’t talk to people anymore. I stutter, I can’t look them in the eye, I twiddle my hair, I can’t keep a conversation going, I’m so nervous. When I sit in a room full of people, I’m panicking the whole time because I’m the one sitting there in silence, and I can’t think of one thing to say. How can I ask people questions to make them talk when all I really want is for them to all go away and stop making me anxious? I know there’s lots of things to ask people, but why can’t I think of them when I’m sitting there? It’s just so difficult for me to establish any sort of friendship and, after years of trying, I’ve sort of given up and I’m now just so incredibly alone and it’s making life exceptionally difficult. I’m sooo depressed all the time. I cry way too much, it’s draining. I have zero motivation to do anything and my self-esteem is as low as it can get. My sleeping patterns are so erratic. I just can’t be messed anymore but, at the same time, I don't know how much longer I can go on like this. I’m 21, I should be loving life. Instead, I’m living at home, with my parents, I barely leave the house, I have no job, I’ve been unemployed ever since I graduated 7 months ago (yeah, I know it’s pathetic) and I just can’t find any motivation to get a job. I seem to have no ambitions any more and I'm wasting my life. Part of me is scared because getting a job means meeting new people and I’m inevitably going to mess things up. I just can’t meet new people anymore. I haven’t done it in so long. I never have anything interesting to talk about because I have done nothing interesting with my life. I’m such a boring loser. I have no friends. All of the “friends” I had at school and university are no longer in my life due to me being such a social retard and always declining their invitations to go out etc. I so much wanted to have friends, yet the whole social thing scared me. They didn’t know about my social anxiety, though, so they must just think I was being rude for always saying no. I’m so socially isolated now. I have no-one, and it makes me so sad because, deep down, I know this is not who I am or who I want to be. I’m just so afraid that this is how it is for me, and how it’s always going to be. I’ve been this way for years, and I can’t seem to break away from it. My parents are aware of my situation (even though they think I need to try harder to get over the “shyness”) and they’re arranging for me to see some sort of therapist... I can’t imagine it’s going to work, though. I feel so stupid because I have a degree in psychology, I know all about my problems, yet I can’t do anything to help myself. I’m pretty sure the therapist is going to use some sort of cognitive behaviour therapy... ehhh, I have no idea if anything is going to work. I doubt I’m going to be able to open up to this woman. My parents are against meds, though... so I guess I’m going to have to give the therapist a go. I just want to be happy.
Uh, yeah, I'm sorry that this is a depressing post... BUT, Is there anyone out there who can tell me what to do/offer advice? Anyone who’s been through similar stuff and come out the other end? I’m not usually one to spill my guts on forums but I figured I’d take advantage of the anonymity of the internet and see if it helps. I need all the help I can get because I'm just so weak. It sucks.
Thank you.
I’m so depressed. Alone. Hate life. Hate myself.
My parents are the only people who know. No-one else understands.. “Try harder” or “be more confident” are frequent comments that I’ve from my sisters. It’s just like a slap in the face when people say things like that. I feel that even if I tell people about it, they won’t care, and definitely won’t understand. My parents don’t fully understand, I know that. It just sounds to them that I am just shy. I hate it when people say “Just be more confident and talk more” it’s like Now why did I not think of that before? Really pisses me off. I don’t know how to lead a normal life anymore. I just don’t know what to do. I don’t know what I’m living for right now, because my life consists of absolutely nothing. Putting a happy face on every day is what keeps me sane... but, at the same time, it destroys me. I hate living like this.Uh, yeah, I'm sorry that this is a depressing post... BUT, Is there anyone out there who can tell me what to do/offer advice? Anyone who’s been through similar stuff and come out the other end? I’m not usually one to spill my guts on forums but I figured I’d take advantage of the anonymity of the internet and see if it helps. I need all the help I can get because I'm just so weak. It sucks.
Thank you.