Being a broke, unattractive, straight, male means being forced to come to terms with the fact that you will never be a commodity to anyone.

[xephier102]

Yea, sure, I can talk a good game. Might hook a girl if she can see my words before my picture. But eventually she'll see my picture, and find out that I'm not perfect in my words either. And the moment that illusion of perfection is gone, she will scrape me off her shoe like the apparent dog **** I am, and carry on without a word, like nothing ever happened..

I've tried to come to terms with being alone.. I've been trying to for my entire life.. It never gets any better.. I managed to bottle it up really well for about a decade or so, but then I started letting loose tears in public places.. I wish I could just be rid of these damned emotions. Be more robotic the way that men are expected (by society) to be.. It just never gets any easier..

That's the curse part of being autistic though, my brain never stfu.. It's always trying to think of a solution, but the truth is, I don't think there is any that won't just cause me more pain. life is a damned curse.. But I'm more afraid of death, so I'm no risk for offing myself.. Stupid survival instinct.. Why do I even think this forum post will yield anything I haven't heard already..? I can't even sleep through the night.. no motivation, not sure what else to do..

 

[Sebiguess]

Yea, sure, I can talk a good game. Might hook a girl if she can see my words before my picture. But eventually she'll see my picture, and find out that I'm not perfect in my words either. And the moment that illusion of perfection is gone, she will scrape me off her shoe like the apparent dog **** I am, and carry on without a word, like nothing ever happened..

I've tried to come to terms with being alone.. I've been trying to for my entire life.. It never gets any better.. I managed to bottle it up really well for about a decade or so, but then I started letting loose tears in public places.. I wish I could just be rid of these damned emotions. Be more robotic the way that men are expected (by society) to be.. It just never gets any easier..

That's the curse part of being autistic though, my brain never stfu.. It's always trying to think of a solution, but the truth is, I don't think there is any that won't just cause me more pain. life is a damned curse.. But I'm more afraid of death, so I'm no risk for offing myself.. Stupid survival instinct.. Why do I even think this forum post will yield anything I haven't heard already..? I can't even sleep through the night.. no motivation, not sure what else to do..

Hi xephier. Mind if I call you Zeff? It’s easier to remember how to spell that!

Can I ask your (approximate) age and location? Decade and nation is enough, I’m not asking for your address or anything

 

[xephier102]

Hi xephier. Mind if I call you Zeff? It’s easier to remember how to spell that!

Can I ask your (approximate) age and location? Decade and nation is enough, I’m not asking for your address or anything

40, Canada. I've got nothing to hide. I wouldn't give exact address only for mild paranoia of online scams, but anything else I'm open about. why do you ask?

 

[Sebiguess]

40, Canada. I've got nothing to hide. I wouldn't give exact address only for mild paranoia of online scams, but anything else I'm open about. why do you ask?

Different countries are, well, different. And you mentioned “the last decade” of bottling up your emotions. It would be quite different if that decade was spent in school, vs the decade that precedes midlife.

Sounds like you and I have some things in common. Same age more or less, and I have many autistic traits even though I’m not actually autistic - for now! They may yet move the arbitrary line they’ve drawn between you and me. In any case I know what you mean when you say your mind won’t stfu. Similar thoughts too. I’ll PM you.

 

[solonely20]

I know this feeling. Loneliness forever here we come

 

[squidge]

Yea, sure, I can talk a good game. Might hook a girl if she can see my words before my picture. But eventually she'll see my picture, and find out that I'm not perfect in my words either. And the moment that illusion of perfection is gone, she will scrape me off her shoe like the apparent dog **** I am, and carry on without a word, like nothing ever happened..

I've tried to come to terms with being alone.. I've been trying to for my entire life.. It never gets any better.. I managed to bottle it up really well for about a decade or so, but then I started letting loose tears in public places.. I wish I could just be rid of these damned emotions. Be more robotic the way that men are expected (by society) to be.. It just never gets any easier..

That's the curse part of being autistic though, my brain never stfu.. It's always trying to think of a solution, but the truth is, I don't think there is any that won't just cause me more pain. life is a damned curse.. But I'm more afraid of death, so I'm no risk for offing myself.. Stupid survival instinct.. Why do I even think this forum post will yield anything I haven't heard already..? I can't even sleep through the night.. no motivation, not sure what else to do..

being an Asperger i understand loneliness, sadly women are cruel *******s so i get pleasure finding ways to make them suffer, if they reject me i make them pay if i can and then i feel really happy.

 

[kanekistrange]

I know this feeling. Loneliness forever here we come

yep..the struggle is real

 

[solonely20]

being an Asperger i understand loneliness, sadly women are cruel *******s so i get pleasure finding ways to make them suffer, if they reject me i make them pay if i can and then i feel really happy.

I can't imagine how you feel or what you've suffered but please try not to make other people feel hurt or pain. Even if they hurt you. Just move on if they don't apologize.

No one is perfect. We all make mistakes. I've had women and I've never dated any make me feel sad. One made me feel really sad with what she said.

I dont want her to suffer. Actually felt sorry for her in the context of the story which I won't explain. But honestly, wish people the best even if they hurt you.

 

[kanekistrange]

I can't imagine how you feel or what you've suffered but please try not to make other people feel hurt or pain. Even if they hurt you. Just move on if they don't apologize.

No one is perfect. We all make mistakes. I've had women and I've never dated any make me feel sad. One made me feel really sad with what she said.

I dont want her to suffer. Actually felt sorry for her in the context of the story which I won't explain. But honestly, wish people the best even if they hurt you.

i gotta agree with solonely20..i suppose im just a martyr or a masochist myself but eventhough so many girls have hurt me, id rather just be the one thats hurt than hurt others..even if they deserve it.

 

[squidge]

I can't imagine how you feel or what you've suffered but please try not to make other people feel hurt or pain. Even if they hurt you. Just move on if they don't apologize.

No one is perfect. We all make mistakes. I've had women and I've never dated any make me feel sad. One made me feel really sad with what she said.

I dont want her to suffer. Actually felt sorry for her in the context of the story which I won't explain. But honestly, wish people the best even if they hurt you.

women are happy to hurt me so if i can do something similar to them i will, it makes me feel really happy.

 

[user 176211]

I cannot tell you how to feel. And I know that I myself absolutely HATE those replies that go something like ¨Have you just tried... NOT... feeling this way?¨

But I did want to respond to share my own experiences. Your post struck a chord with me because it all sounds very familiar. I used to write things like this a lot. And reading your feelings make me feel like I read something that I myself wrote.

But honestly, and speaking specifically only to my situation, I got past it. I truly do not even know how. I feel like it just kind of happened with time. Now that I am older, I get into relationships with women and I know I do not want it to last. I tell them that I am not looking for marriage or kids. It lasts for a while, until its not good enough anymore. Rinse and repeat. It might sound unhealthy, but the fact of the matter is that relationships and companionship is a spectrum and that is just works for me. I am guilt free. I never lie. I talk about my complete aversion to commitment from the first date. But even before to getting to all of that, a change had to happen within me. And I am not talking about one of those ¨I am broken and something is wrong with ME¨ changes. I am talking more along the lines of the kind of perspective I started using when viewing women.

My point is that somewhere along the line, I learned to stop caring that I did not hit the genetic jackpot, and that I am not the next big internet billionaire ¨bad boy¨. I think a big part of that was applying the way I saw myself to other people/women. Women are just people out here trying to figure life out like anyone else. I do not care how many layers of make up hide those little scars and acne and imperfections. A great deal of the ones that I have met cannot even hold a decent conversation for more than 5 minutes before running out of gas. Men too often let themselves feel ¨outclassed¨ by women who can barely tell their left from right. I do not mean this to woman bash. As a straight male, I can only speak to my experiences with women. I am sure some ladies have their own stories like this. But for now, I am speaking to you, another straight male.

THINGS THAT HELPED ME DEMYSTIFY WOMEN
-I became friends with women. Not the ¨I secretly want to sleep with you¨ kind of friends. REAL friends- like one of the guys, who hangs out, smokes weed, eats pizza, and plays video games type of friends. In doing that, I started to get insights into their thought patterns. And dude, let me tell you, they are just dudes with ******s and breasts. They are ALL insecure (just like most men tend to be), they are all sexually frustrated (just like men tend to be at times), they all think they are entitled to the absolute top of the food chain (just like men).

YOU CAN MAKE WOMEN SEE THAT THEY HAVE UNREALISTIC STANDARDS
One of the things I was mistaken about was that women tend to feel that they are somehow locked in to whatever they THINK is great guy. But truthfully, most of the time they are informed by wacky TV shows about ¨crazy women who are trying to make it big in the city while having wacky adventures¨. I have had honest conversations about when they have met men like the ones on those shows, and I have literally watched the light bulb of realization turn on in their eyes. Women say they do not want AB and C... but they never HAD A,B, and C. They were just TOLD they do not like it.... until they meet a funny or down to earth guy who is not cut from the same cloth as a Hollywood actor. Then its all feelings.

The only advice I can lend is to just try to focus on being comfortable with yourself, including being by yourself, and start to view things from the perspective that everyone else is just as confused as to what to do with their life as we all may feel at times.

 

[U-122]

I'm in the same boat as you, xephier. But i don't think we're being forced to come to terms with anything. I'm not autistic or anything so i don't know how autism affects you. I'm just genetically inferior and not wealthy. I wonder if there are autistic women who are not shallow stuckup snobs. Have you tried searching for support groups for singles with autism? "Commodity" is a good word for us. Disposable, dicarded garbage is what happened in my case. I don't want to be a commodity. I want to be loved and i want love. Simple. Unfortunately, in your country and not much different where i am now, we and even wealthy good looking men are often in similar situations. Used by women. I observed men, what they do for their women, how they gave and it was never enough for their women. Same happened to me. I was never good enough. Other men i used to know who looked better and provided more money for their women were never good enough. All got discarded. Unfortunately i don't have a solution for autism or anything else. If possible, acquire wealth, improve yourself any way you can. That's what i would do if i had the money to change a few things about myself.

​

 

[U-122]

women are happy to hurt me so if i can do something similar to them i will, it makes me feel really happy.

They hurt me in the past, too, a few rejections, a few breakups. But i've done the same to very few others and very gently. Not cruelly like i had it done to me. I would never seriously hurt or damage anyone for any reason unless they do something horrible to me. One recently made me cry, absolutely ignores me. All because i told her i liked her and i'm out of her league. She's said and done cruel hurtful things to me. Completely destroyed indestructable dead inside me. I could do same and worse to her, but i would never do it. It doesn't happen to me often because i stay away from women. Now even more than ever.

 

[TheSkaFish]

I have the same problem especially in regards to money - for many reasons.

It took a long time for me to realize just how important the "provider" role is - as it turns out, very. It seems to be a big part of how attraction works as far as what attracts women to men, it seems to be a big part of the male gender role, what a guy is supposed to be in a general way.

I used to get the "eww" reaction from peer-aged women growing up, and I always hated it and found it insulting and thought it was bs, blaming me for not being one of the lucky people, so I guess in a sense I always felt kind of victim-blamed and it pissed me off.
But I also always wondered why that was, why was I getting this reaction.
I've come to the conclusion that it was because I wasn't correctly playing the male gender role, because I didn't have a strength - because I wasn't good at anything.
And I didn't practice anything, because I didn't enjoy it, because I wasn't good at anything to start with, so practicing was just me being bad at things and just making myself feel inferior over again like it was confirming that I was inferior, and it was also just boring and not fun to do things and suck at it and feel like I was making no progress and probably just doing something that "wasn't for me" because I probably didn't have the genetic talent/potential for it.
I thought you had to be naturally good at something to start with, in order for practice to make you better. So feeling like I wasn't good at anything to start with, made me feel like practice wouldn't help me because I felt like it was like multiplying by zero.

I only hope it's not too late for me to be able to learn something and be able to play my role.

I also feel like the modern world lulls people, especially guys, into a false sense of security. Modern science and technology have tamed the world, made it safer to live in. And modern thinking - more compassionate, understanding, and humane attitudes - have also helped the world to be safer. I think it's given rise to, for lack of a better term, "nerd culture". It lets people enjoy whimsical, just-for-fun things, that don't help with survival or give you a competitive advantage, but are just for enjoyment. In the past, and in third world countries, or even rough areas of first world countries today, that stuff doesn't exist because it doesn't help you survive and compete. It's looked down on as childish, weak, and stupid. But we can enjoy it in the modern world, because it's safer and more civilized now.

The problem is, even if we got rid of capitalism and money, and even if we make the world safer, we still can't get rid of how people are wired fundamentally, how attraction works on an instinctive level. This means that no matter how safe and nice the world gets, guys will still need to play the protector/provider role, and be impressive and interesting - which means you have to get good at something.

I wish I realized this sooner, and I hope it's not too late for me to do it, and that I can even do it at all. I often worry that I can't do it because of lacking genetic talent, and I hope that isn't true.

I'm not saying that I like that it's this way, either - as a matter of fact, I hate it, and I wish we could just live how we wanted. But it seems to be this way, nevertheless.

 

[WillPower]

I only hope it's not too late for me to be able to learn something and be able to play my role.

I also feel like the modern world lulls people, especially guys, into a false sense of security. Modern science and technology have tamed the world, made it safer to live in. And modern thinking - more compassionate, understanding, and humane attitudes - have also helped the world to be safer. I think it's given rise to, for lack of a better term, "nerd culture". It lets people enjoy whimsical, just-for-fun things, that don't help with survival or give you a competitive advantage, but are just for enjoyment. In the past, and in third world countries, or even rough areas of first world countries today, that stuff doesn't exist because it doesn't help you survive and compete. It's looked down on as childish, weak, and stupid. But we can enjoy it in the modern world, because it's safer and more civilized now.

The problem is, even if we got rid of capitalism and money, and even if we make the world safer, we still can't get rid of how people are wired fundamentally, how attraction works on an instinctive level. This means that no matter how safe and nice the world gets, guys will still need to play the protector/provider role, and be impressive and interesting - which means you have to get good at something.

I wish I realized this sooner, and I hope it's not too late for me to do it, and that I can even do it at all. I often worry that I can't do it because of lacking genetic talent, and I hope that isn't true.

I'm not saying that I like that it's this way, either - as a matter of fact, I hate it, and I wish we could just live how we wanted. But it seems to be this way, nevertheless.

Yes, totally agree with all of this. A lot of guys are stuck in this "nerd culture." Many of the strong fundamentals of becoming an attractive man, like a coming of age, rite of passage, male role models, and understanding assertiveness and aggression have been eliminated in the modern world.

Because of this, many men lack strong friendships with other men, a spine to stand up for themselves or others, or the ability to effectively behave as a man, which can damage their success in their career, dating life, ability to make male friends, or romantic relationships.

I don't think it's ever too late. I have read a lot of books on how to become a better, more masculine man, and I think it's helped out a lot.

 

[Cherubino]

it's totally worth to get any job you can reasonably perform in order to buy some commodity ***

 

[TheSkaFish]

it's totally worth to get any job you can reasonably perform in order to buy some commodity ***

I have to disagree, but do what you want

 

[Cherubino]

I have to disagree, but do what you want

any (safe) *** is better than the lack of

 

[TheSkaFish]

any (safe) *** is better than the lack of

Again, have to disagree. And paid *** increases the risk that it won't be safe either.

It's not for me but I don't think I will be able to change your mind.

 

[Cherubino]

Again, have to disagree. And paid *** increases the risk that it won't be safe either.

It's not for me but I don't think I will be able to change your mind.

self *** is so sad ... no joy in it