Has anyone else realised that meeting someone and finding that special person to form a life with, for whatever reason is applicable to your situation, is probably just not going to happen for you? Like, sometimes it just doesn't happen for some people and I'm starting to realise that I'm probably going to be one of those people
I used to.
But the truth is a bit different.
Over years of observation and experiences, from both sides, I have tried to bring some clarity about how things really work.
> There can't be any 'ideal' one. As in, when you imagine your potential partner, you fantasize about certain 'pleasant' things about them. But they also come with certain 'unpleasant' things, since they're mere flawed humans. The more fantasies you had, the more disappointed you will be. This is because you fell into the false belief that she is something 'more' or 'above' than others. You put her on a pedestal. In reality, she's as human as the old homeless man that we see everyday. Both have the exact same intrinsic value, only different social values. She is not really 'special'.
The original idea of 'romantic love' was actually supposed to be towards God (the ideal) that they believed in. It was diverted towards a life partner in the later years. People before that, didn't fall in love for a person, they got married and raised a family. This still holds true for people living in tribes and also for the rest of the animal kingdom.
> If she's not 'special', what is it that I see all around? People finding partners and being totally fulfilled with it? They must have found the 'special' that I am denying the existence of..?
Well, this is the defining factor. It was the hardest thing I ever learned:
***The feeling of great admiration towards someone, is YOUR emotion and has more to do with yourself than the other. The chance of experiencing this emotion lies on YOUR perceptions about life. If you have a positive outlook on life, people, etc. then you will get that feeling.***
If you have some sort of grudge, regret, hatred, envy, etc. you won't get to experience that feeling. You will miss out. You will find flaws. You will accentuate their flaws.
For instance, consider someone who never got any partner. He started hating women for that. He then worked on improving himself for years, and became 'eligible' for a lot of women. But if he did this out of hatred, even though he could still get a partner, he won't feel that she's 'special'. I mean, he won't '
fall in love' .
Getting a partner is not that hard, not saying it is easy either. But what's more important is what you feel about her. And what you feel about her will be a reflection of what you feel about your life in general.
So think deeply on what you want, and take the direction accordingly.
