I
insanelyloneley
Guest
Today I had all these crazy thoughts going through my head, and a lesser man would've jumped out the window if he had the kind of mind that I do.
But damn, I really wish I had someone to confide in during that moment, someone to talk to let these thoughts out.
Aside from that, loneliness is one of the worst things, if not the worst things, that can happen to someone. Hell, in maximum security prisons overcrowded with murderers, rapists and gangsters they consider solitary confinement to be a punishment. Those guys use morse code and hide letters up their ass just to communicate with a bunch of other dudes who'd rape and kill their mothers without hesitation.
Loneliness also leads to depression which leads to a bunch of other problems. You don't care about anything, especially yourself, when you're in this mindset. You don't feel like getting your **** together because you feel completely unwanted, unloved, unworthy. Then you have that darkest day in your life and stop fighting. You completely ostracize yourself from society, you inflict harm upon yourself or you inflict harm upon other people.
Unfortunately, publicly talking about how lonely you are gets you labeled as a ***** -- and that kind of label only makes you feel worse. If you tell someone you feel like hurting yourself or hurting those who've wronged you, they're going to try and have you committed. This is how global society, global because this problem transcends all culture, deals with emotional problems. We don't want to ******* deal with them, we want to pretend everyone is all ******* jolly, so let's hide these lonely fuckers away.
This Information Age we live in is also making loneliness a bigger problem. We communicate completely electronically now, making ourselves more detached. Hell, we've changed so much we send someone a txt message when speaking to them with our voices is more efficient. Then the other problem is all these forums where we can "safely" speak our minds, but it doesn't resolve anything. We live on here, become different people on here, but never express ourselves in the real world because it seems so strange to us. You feel completely empty when it's over, and sometimes you feel worse.
I personally think I have some really great ideas that'll improve my financial situation, but because I'm so incredibly lonely I don't care enough to pursue them. I'm working on a project now and doing what I can, but doing it by yourself and completely motivating yourself is hard. Whenever I did **** for school my teachers wanted me to succeed, so that was motivation, but when there's no one out there pushing me I just don't care.
And why am I not "getting up by my own bootstraps" and all that other crap? Because at the the end of the day this project will only give me a lot of money so I can buy **** I don't need. It won't cure my depression, it won't make my loneliness go away. At the end of the day I'll be the same as I always am, except with more materialistic possessions.
I also can't stop thinking back about all those mistakes I made, how if I did a few things different I wouldn't be where I am today. If I lived in feudal Japan I'd definitely be committing seppuku for living a worthless life. It just isn't worth it for me to better myself if I will be doing it all by myself. I know some people will tell me to "just do it!" and to those I say a hearty "**** You!" You don't know what it's like, and to think fixing my problem is so easy then you ought to be kicked in the head. I'm sure if someone thought fixing your complicated problems was simple you'd feel the same as me.
Whenever I'm trying to sleep at night, which is incredibly hard because my mind goes 1million miles an hour, two thoughts always cross my mind:
1) I hope I never wake up
2) I hope someone shoots me in the back of the head or slits my throat from behind.
The second is important because I don't want to see my killer. No, because if I saw my killer I'd instinctively try to fight back, and knowing my luck I'd probably survive. I prefer to be killed without having a chance to fight back.
But damn, I really wish I had someone to confide in during that moment, someone to talk to let these thoughts out.
Aside from that, loneliness is one of the worst things, if not the worst things, that can happen to someone. Hell, in maximum security prisons overcrowded with murderers, rapists and gangsters they consider solitary confinement to be a punishment. Those guys use morse code and hide letters up their ass just to communicate with a bunch of other dudes who'd rape and kill their mothers without hesitation.
Loneliness also leads to depression which leads to a bunch of other problems. You don't care about anything, especially yourself, when you're in this mindset. You don't feel like getting your **** together because you feel completely unwanted, unloved, unworthy. Then you have that darkest day in your life and stop fighting. You completely ostracize yourself from society, you inflict harm upon yourself or you inflict harm upon other people.
Unfortunately, publicly talking about how lonely you are gets you labeled as a ***** -- and that kind of label only makes you feel worse. If you tell someone you feel like hurting yourself or hurting those who've wronged you, they're going to try and have you committed. This is how global society, global because this problem transcends all culture, deals with emotional problems. We don't want to ******* deal with them, we want to pretend everyone is all ******* jolly, so let's hide these lonely fuckers away.
This Information Age we live in is also making loneliness a bigger problem. We communicate completely electronically now, making ourselves more detached. Hell, we've changed so much we send someone a txt message when speaking to them with our voices is more efficient. Then the other problem is all these forums where we can "safely" speak our minds, but it doesn't resolve anything. We live on here, become different people on here, but never express ourselves in the real world because it seems so strange to us. You feel completely empty when it's over, and sometimes you feel worse.
I personally think I have some really great ideas that'll improve my financial situation, but because I'm so incredibly lonely I don't care enough to pursue them. I'm working on a project now and doing what I can, but doing it by yourself and completely motivating yourself is hard. Whenever I did **** for school my teachers wanted me to succeed, so that was motivation, but when there's no one out there pushing me I just don't care.
And why am I not "getting up by my own bootstraps" and all that other crap? Because at the the end of the day this project will only give me a lot of money so I can buy **** I don't need. It won't cure my depression, it won't make my loneliness go away. At the end of the day I'll be the same as I always am, except with more materialistic possessions.
I also can't stop thinking back about all those mistakes I made, how if I did a few things different I wouldn't be where I am today. If I lived in feudal Japan I'd definitely be committing seppuku for living a worthless life. It just isn't worth it for me to better myself if I will be doing it all by myself. I know some people will tell me to "just do it!" and to those I say a hearty "**** You!" You don't know what it's like, and to think fixing my problem is so easy then you ought to be kicked in the head. I'm sure if someone thought fixing your complicated problems was simple you'd feel the same as me.
Whenever I'm trying to sleep at night, which is incredibly hard because my mind goes 1million miles an hour, two thoughts always cross my mind:
1) I hope I never wake up
2) I hope someone shoots me in the back of the head or slits my throat from behind.
The second is important because I don't want to see my killer. No, because if I saw my killer I'd instinctively try to fight back, and knowing my luck I'd probably survive. I prefer to be killed without having a chance to fight back.
![Thomas]](https://cdn.imagearchive.com/alonelylife/data/avatars/s/14/14186.jpg?1631136400){kind=avatar}
