Being lonely truly does suck.

[Pheenix]

Forums aren't made for all forms of expression.

Writing posts in an angry tone is okay insofar you follow the forum rules.

 

[IgnoredOne]

Fine whatever, just say what you want to say, not sure why you need my permission in the first place.

Well, just the first and most obvious statement: that it does get better, at least for some. I have certainly gotten better, and I do believe that it is in no small part, the result of self-work.

I do not have a lot of information about your particular situation to work from, unfortunately. I should raise the counselors and psychiatrists are paid not just to listen, but also because they have specialist knowledge of the human mind to assist you in learning some of these skills to overcome whatever may be causing the loneliness.

For example, I have been and still occasionally am a teacher. My knowledge and experience in teaching allows me to help individuals to learn material - guiding children and providing them with the mental tools so that they can acquire the aptitude needed for them to master the material. I also have some counseling training, so I can draw some parallels. A counselor assists you in providing you with the mental tools, likewise, to overcome any obstacles that may be preventing you from emerging from loneliness.

So yes, it is a worthwhile use of money and time.

If you can provide more details on what may be in particular troubling you, or you feel is preventing you from becoming happier, we may be able to provide more assistance or advice.

At any rate, good luck. I know how difficult it can be when you're in the trenchs.

 

[insanelyloneley]

IgnoredOne, even if I believed all that about psychiatrists/counselors/etc, I'm going to quit my job very soon to pursue my project on a fullitme, so paying for one is out of the option. Especially a psychiatrist because health insurance is a bitch.

As for you being a teacher, that's great and all if it works for you. I know it'd never work for me though. I take a martial arts class and I have no idea how the teacher has the patience to teach, and we're all adults, imagine deal with kids -- I'd probably throw half of them out the window.


What kind of details do you want from me?

And yes, I know you're going to say I'm "full of excuses," but I'm about looking for the perfect solution, not trying a bunch of solutions and hoping one of them works.

 

[Pheenix]

That's a very good thing to do. Some people seem to think that as soon as someone has offered a viable solution of any kind, you should chase it.

 

[EveWasFramed]

I said settle down. You guys be a wee bit more civil to each other, k? You all seem like cool people.

 

[IgnoredOne]

IgnoredOne, even if I believed all that about psychiatrists/counselors/etc, I'm going to quit my job very soon to pursue my project on a fullitme, so paying for one is out of the option. Especially a psychiatrist because health insurance is a bitch.

Well, in that case, it is a choice and you seem to be aware of the consequences of such. Nonetheless, I believe there may be counseling options for you - even if its informal, such as a online, and I suggest looking into them.

As for you being a teacher, that's great and all if it works for you. I know it'd never work for me though. I take a martial arts class and I have no idea how the teacher has the patience to teach, and we're all adults, imagine deal with kids -- I'd probably throw half of them out the window.

Love and humility. We have all been the students once, and it is an honor to serve. Teaching is not how I make my living, at all, but it is something I genuinely enjoy.

And your reference to feudal Japan was interesting, because I am descended directly from a noble warrior caste. Life may suck, but you will always have a purpose in such a society.

What kind of details do you want from me?

And yes, I know you're going to say I'm "full of excuses," but I'm about looking for the perfect solution, not trying a bunch of solutions and hoping one of them works.

I have not said anything.

Why do you feel that you are so lonely? What do you believe prevents you from meeting like-minded individuals? What is your project and what is your career?

I cannot offer you a perfect solution any more than I can offer you the perfect tea. As you practice martial arts, then you should also know that in every failure lies a lesson, and therefore, there is truly no failure so as long as we learn.

 

[Pheenix]

Hmm... where are we being uncivil? Honest question. There's a bit of anger here and there, but it seems subdued to me.

Edit: If my last post sounded ironic, it wasn't. I truly believe that there are different ways to do something, and some are more right than others.

 

[insanelyloneley]

Why do you feel that you are so lonely? What do you believe prevents you from meeting like-minded individuals? What is your project and what is your career?

I cannot offer you a perfect solution any more than I can offer you the perfect tea. As you practice martial arts, then you should also know that in every failure lies a lesson, and therefore, there is truly no failure so as long as we learn.

I do not like sharing myself with anyone, I have huge trust issues due to my trust being broken so much over the years. I will not talk to strangers because I instinctively don't trust them. I can't discuss the project because I think it will become something big, and I do not want it becoming public that I posted on this forum (yes I'm arrogant/egotistical/whatever).

No, you can't offer me the "perfect tea," but you can tell me different blends of tea and I figure out what works best. Right now the counseling/teaching blends aren't going in my cup. As for the martial arts reference: yes, I get my ass kicked, but I also get to beat up those who beat me up -- that doesn't apply here.

---

EDIT: I don't know if this can be interpreted from my posts, but I'm also a passionate/intense kind of person. I really like to get into a discussion head on, don't like to put on the brakes. I honestly don't think random people really like people with my kind of attitude.

Hmm... where are we being uncivil? Honest question. There's a bit of anger here and there, but it seems subdued to me.

Edit: If my last post sounded ironic, it wasn't. I truly believe that there are different ways to do something, and some are more right than others.

Yeah, we started out ready to stab each other, but then realized there would be too much blood to clean up so we stopped.

 

[Pheenix]

Oh I don't think that believing your project might blow up is an egotistical thing.

*Yet another "this was not ironic" warning*

 

[IgnoredOne]

I do not like sharing myself with anyone, I have huge trust issues due to my trust being broken so much over the years. I will not talk to strangers because I instinctively don't trust them. I can't discuss the project because I think it will become something big, and I do not want it becoming public that I posted on this forum (yes I'm arrogant/egotistical/whatever).

Well, then you seem to have solved your own issue, although I still believe that you can at least discuss it tangentially in a manner which is helpful. But you have trust issues, and if you cannot trust any another human being to be friendly to you, then you have sealed your own unhappiness. In this case, the obvious solution is that you have to search for what might allow you to trust again. Meditation will be valuable.

May I also suggest that you consider getting an animal? They provide unconditional love and can be dependable with unwavering loyalty and fidelity. Perhaps that might help relieve you.

And yes, in life, you can kick life's ass too. It is just a more formidable opponent than most, but as in martial arts, you learn from the pain if you have an open mind. I have done some pretty amazing things, if I may say so myself, but it has never been easy and I am thankful for every fortune.

 

[insanelyloneley]

Well, then you seem to have solved your own issue, although I still believe that you can at least discuss it tangentially in a manner which is helpful. But you have trust issues, and if you cannot trust any another human being to be friendly to you, then you have sealed your own unhappiness. In this case, the obvious solution is that you have to search for what might allow you to trust again. Meditation will be valuable.

May I also suggest that you consider getting an animal? They provide unconditional love and can be dependable with unwavering loyalty and fidelity. Perhaps that might help relieve you.

And yes, in life, you can kick life's ass too. It is just a more formidable opponent than most, but as in martial arts, you learn from the pain if you have an open mind. I have done some pretty amazing things, if I may say so myself, but it has never been easy and I am thankful for every fortune.

Well, it's going to take a lot of balls to just open up -- a lot. It's also one of those things where if it turns out badly, it makes things much worse in the long run. The only person I'm willing to open up is someone who understands what I'm going through, but then that's the catch-22 where we both have the same problem, but neither of us are willing to speak about it until the other does.

Then the other problem is where do I meet these people. It's not like I go up to every random person and say, "Hey, want to hear what's bothering me today!"

 

[Pheenix]

There are support groups you could try. You could also meditate on opening up on your own, over long time, to see if that gets you ready to try something slightly bigger.

 

[lonelyfairy]

loneliness is one of the worst things, if not the worst things, that can happen to someone.

Yes I agree 100% with that, it's like a hell!

 

[IgnoredOne]

Well, it's going to take a lot of balls to just open up -- a lot. It's also one of those things where if it turns out badly, it makes things much worse in the long run. The only person I'm willing to open up is someone who understands what I'm going through, but then that's the catch-22 where we both have the same problem, but neither of us are willing to speak about it until the other does.

Then the other problem is where do I meet these people. It's not like I go up to every random person and say, "Hey, want to hear what's bothering me today!"

You know, sometimes there /are/ people who just want to care. Not often, but they do exist.

More importantly, yes, it takes a lot of balls to trust someone. It takes a lot of balls to kick ass. It takes a lot of balls to live life and be more than a footnote.

I can sense that you believe that you're pretty awesome. Well, then prove it. Courage and inteligence is the root of all real power.

You did note the risk involved. Well, yes - but then there are ways to minimize the risk. You can try to talk to someone like a therapist, somehow a less expensive one - they are LEGALLY bond to confidentiality, forbidding them from spilling any secrets of yours.

And you can test people, check other people to see if they are credible. trust them with small things, and see if their reputation holds. A man who can be trusted in many small things, can perhaps be trusted in a greater thing.

 

[Ak5]

In response to the OP:

Yes, loneliness is one of the worst things. But it DOES NOT mean your going to live your entire life depressed or anything. You can do something about loneliness. You can make friends and you can learn social skills over time. Yes your lonely but you do not have anything else that limits your life-span such as cancer. At least your not a disabled person too. A normal person can't make cancer go away forever, a normal person can't grow arms or legs, a normal person can't be cured of HIV. A normal person CAN be cured of loneliness.

Just keep on trying, don't give up. The sun always rises, there will always be another day to try and make things better.

 

[insanelyloneley]

In response to the OP:

Yes, loneliness is one of the worst things. But it DOES NOT mean your going to live your entire life depressed or anything. You can do something about loneliness. You can make friends and you can learn social skills over time. Yes your lonely but you do not have anything else that limits your life-span such as cancer. At least your not a disabled person too. A normal person can't make cancer go away forever, a normal person can't grow arms or legs, a normal person can't be cured of HIV. A normal person CAN be cured of loneliness.

Just keep on trying, don't give up. The sun always rises, there will always be another day to try and make things better.

I know social skills and I have made friends, but nowadays I don't feel like talking to anyone.

And we're also a lot more closer to curing AIDS/cancer/etc than we are any psychological problems.

---

I think right now is a good time to let people know about my emotional state of mind:

I still live with my parents, which I think is pathetic at my age, but that's not the point. Anyways my mom is going on a vacation for a few weeks and left today. She told me "I love you and will miss you" this morning, and then called me to tell me the same thing. I surely didn't respond in kind, in fact I completely ignored that statement when she made it. While I think she does "love me" at least in the biological bond a mother has with her children, I don't feel that way about her. I didn't even have that "feeling" you get it, you know what I'm talking about -- I didn't feel anything towards her.

I've hated my parents for like 10 years at least, and will always hate them. I'm not even comfortable talking about it anonymously on this forum, maybe if someone asks I might say something. But to try and sum it up: I feel that they did everything they could to hold me back, to suppress me, solely to satisfy their own ego. And I know some some people will say "well, you should've done it something about it," but running away from home wasn't in my mindset when I was a teenager. Now that I'm older I guess I could, but because of my financial situation I'm forced to stay here.

So with all that said, this is one of the reasons why I'm emotionally shut out. Yeah, I said trust issues, but it goes beyond that. I'm not sure if I'll ever be able to open up to anyone.

 

[beans]

Today I had all these crazy thoughts going through my head, and a lesser man would've jumped out the window if he had the kind of mind that I do.

But damn, I really wish I had someone to confide in during that moment, someone to talk to let these thoughts out.


Aside from that, loneliness is one of the worst things, if not the worst things, that can happen to someone. Hell, in maximum security prisons overcrowded with murderers, rapists and gangsters they consider solitary confinement to be a punishment. Those guys use morse code and hide letters up their ass just to communicate with a bunch of other dudes who'd rape and kill their mothers without hesitation.

Loneliness also leads to depression which leads to a bunch of other problems. You don't care about anything, especially yourself, when you're in this mindset. You don't feel like getting your **** together because you feel completely unwanted, unloved, unworthy. Then you have that darkest day in your life and stop fighting. You completely ostracize yourself from society, you inflict harm upon yourself or you inflict harm upon other people.

Unfortunately, publicly talking about how lonely you are gets you labeled as a ***** -- and that kind of label only makes you feel worse. If you tell someone you feel like hurting yourself or hurting those who've wronged you, they're going to try and have you committed. This is how global society, global because this problem transcends all culture, deals with emotional problems. We don't want to ******* deal with them, we want to pretend everyone is all ******* jolly, so let's hide these lonely fuckers away.

This Information Age we live in is also making loneliness a bigger problem. We communicate completely electronically now, making ourselves more detached. Hell, we've changed so much we send someone a txt message when speaking to them with our voices is more efficient. Then the other problem is all these forums where we can "safely" speak our minds, but it doesn't resolve anything. We live on here, become different people on here, but never express ourselves in the real world because it seems so strange to us. You feel completely empty when it's over, and sometimes you feel worse.

I personally think I have some really great ideas that'll improve my financial situation, but because I'm so incredibly lonely I don't care enough to pursue them. I'm working on a project now and doing what I can, but doing it by yourself and completely motivating yourself is hard. Whenever I did **** for school my teachers wanted me to succeed, so that was motivation, but when there's no one out there pushing me I just don't care.

And why am I not "getting up by my own bootstraps" and all that other crap? Because at the the end of the day this project will only give me a lot of money so I can buy **** I don't need. It won't cure my depression, it won't make my loneliness go away. At the end of the day I'll be the same as I always am, except with more materialistic possessions.

I also can't stop thinking back about all those mistakes I made, how if I did a few things different I wouldn't be where I am today. If I lived in feudal Japan I'd definitely be committing seppuku for living a worthless life. It just isn't worth it for me to better myself if I will be doing it all by myself. I know some people will tell me to "just do it!" and to those I say a hearty "**** You!" You don't know what it's like, and to think fixing my problem is so easy then you ought to be kicked in the head. I'm sure if someone thought fixing your complicated problems was simple you'd feel the same as me.


Whenever I'm trying to sleep at night, which is incredibly hard because my mind goes 1million miles an hour, two thoughts always cross my mind:
1) I hope I never wake up
2) I hope someone shoots me in the back of the head or slits my throat from behind.

The second is important because I don't want to see my killer. No, because if I saw my killer I'd instinctively try to fight back, and knowing my luck I'd probably survive. I prefer to be killed without having a chance to fight back.

I sort of know what you mean. Can I ask you what would NOT make you feel lonely? Describe a life to me where you feel the loneliness will disappear. Don't be afraid of it being unrealistic, I just want to know.

 

[IgnoredOne]

I've hated my parents for like 10 years at least, and will always hate them. I'm not even comfortable talking about it anonymously on this forum, maybe if someone asks I might say something. But to try and sum it up: I feel that they did everything they could to hold me back, to suppress me, solely to satisfy their own ego. And I know some some people will say "well, you should've done it something about it," but running away from home wasn't in my mindset when I was a teenager. Now that I'm older I guess I could, but because of my financial situation I'm forced to stay here.

Well, that was then. You learned from your mistakes, so that's hardly a disaster. Honestly, they probably meant well - in their world - which could be completely distinct from the real world. I, too, have a strangled bond with my parents and they did not help me in many ways, but I know how in their minds, they were doing what was the best.

I can sympathize that your current situation sucks. Then move to change it - get more resources, move out and away from their influence, and then use your expanded influence to get whatever you want. You're not forced to do anything - do you think that your project will make you enough so that you can move away?

 

[insanelyloneley]

I sort of know what you mean. Can I ask you what would NOT make you feel lonely? Describe a life to me where you feel the loneliness will disappear. Don't be afraid of it being unrealistic, I just want to know.

I want romantic, intimate love. Not the love of family, or the love of friends -- but the love of a life partner. Someone who'll help you stay push you harder when you're getting to the top, and someone who'll pull you back up when you're at the lowest.

Well, that was then. You learned from your mistakes, so that's hardly a disaster. Honestly, they probably meant well - in their world - which could be completely distinct from the real world. I, too, have a strangled bond with my parents and they did not help me in many ways, but I know how in their minds, they were doing what was the best.

I can sympathize that your current situation sucks. Then move to change it - get more resources, move out and away from their influence, and then use your expanded influence to get whatever you want. You're not forced to do anything - do you think that your project will make you enough so that you can move away?

Well, I hate them so much that once I'm out of here I'm never looking back. Yeah, I think my project will do enough for me to not only move out but to move up significantly in the structure of social classes.



I also went out today with some friends of mine I hadn't seen in years. I could've been working on my project, but going out with them was good.