Bene so lost ever since graduation, my life is at a stand still.

[Tiger lily]

Hi everyone, I've just joined this forum as I really could do with some advice at the moment.

Im 24 years old and all the way up until I graduated from university I was happy with life. Ive always been a people person who likes making people laugh and always had a small group of close friends.

However ever since I left uni 3 years ago everything has turned into a disaster. Firstly I came back home because I had nothing else planned. Ive lost contact with lituarlly all my friends, either they have moved back home or they moved in with their partners and I never hear from them anymore. I re-connected with old friends from school, but I found Ive chnaged so much since then and they seem to have stayed the same. The converstaions they have are nothing meaningul at all and it just bores me. I got into two designs jobs (which i graduated in) I made no friends in the first job, I was the only girl and all teh men were loud and crude and I ended up feleing so depressed. So i moved jobs again, but now the work is less creative and Im being to think its not even the job for me. stuck in front of a computer all day with no social interaction. Again everyone is male with familes so I cant make a friend out of any of them.

Im a very independant person yet Im still stuck at home which bores me so much, although its very loving at home me and my parents have nothing in common. On top of all this Im 24 and never had a boyfriend and my confidence is dropping because I get no interest from men , mainly because I never meet anyone these days. I'm fairly good looking, interesting and funny but I just have no contact with like minded people. Ive joined groups, activites to try and meet new people, even photography/ art courses, Ive tryed everything but in every case I just meet older people, no one my own age.

Im so lost right now, I feel like I want to move away and have a fresh start in a new city so I can make new friends but I know the lonliness would kill me. Having no one to reply on, the earliest place I could go would be 2.5 hours away. Also is it really right to leave your family? Id feel bad for deserting them. I feel like Ive missed the boat in everything. I no longer know what I want from life and nothing has changed in 3 years! Im beginning to feel like a differnet person. My parents are very unhappy for me and they can see how sad I am, but only I can changed things. Yet I don't know what to do. Ive not had a laugh with anyone for ...well I can hardly remember. I long to have my old happy self back but I don't know how.

Im adventourous person at heart and I feel like im not being true to myself staying in my home town which s a boring place. But I feel like the courage it would take for me to make the move unbearable. How can I do that all on my own, Id be even more unhappy.

If anyone could offer me any wise advice it would be greatly appreciated.

 

[Nyu001]

The first thing is to know and understand what you want to accomplish in your life personally and professionally. What kind of job is the one you would enjoy in a long term and what type of life would you like to have in your personal space? Making a plan of what you want will help you to give a few steps forward. You will be in the right path if you do not let things happen to you, but MAKE them happen to you.

Have you considered a master degree? Maybe returning to university would help you to meet new people of your age and to have a stronger professional preparation. What kind of designer are you? (I am a graphic designer!)

I would not recommend you to move to a new city, I really do not see this would help to make new friends. As you said, you will be away of your family, and you will need to pay bills and will be busier taking care of yourself alone. However, if you really get a strong want in the future for this, think first of the money you will need, else you will struggle in the start. Do what you think will be the best benefit for you.

And do not let your confidence drop down by thinking men does not have interest in you. That is just totally wrong, lol. Like, just wrong, lol. Seriously, lol, I mean, it just wrong thinking that, lol, XD I have seen a lot of men being interested "subliminally" in women. Keep your eyes open. The sad part is that most of them are Floppy perverts... XD But seriously, you should not worry or let the confidence fall because of that. There will be somewhere someone that will be interested in you and vise-versa, the thing is to keep your eyes open, analyze, understand and act.

 

[Tiger lily]

The first thing is to know and understand what you want to accomplish in your life personally and professionally. What kind of job is the one you would enjoy in a long term and what type of life would you like to have in your personal space? Making a plan of what you want will help you to give a few steps forward. You will be in the right path if you do not let things happen to you, but MAKE them happen to you.

Have you considered a master degree? Maybe returning to university would help you to meet new people of your age and to have a stronger professional preparation. What kind of designer are you? (I am a graphic designer!)

I would not recommend you to move to a new city, I really do not see this would help to make new friends. As you said, you will be away of your family, and you will need to pay bills and will be busier taking care of yourself alone. However, if you really get a strong want in the future for this, think first of the money you will need, else you will struggle in the start. Do what you think will be the best benefit for you.

And do not let your confidence drop down by thinking men does not have interest in you. That is just totally wrong, lol. Like, just wrong, lol. Seriously, lol, I mean, it just wrong thinking that, lol, XD I have seen a lot of men being interested "subliminally" in women. Keep your eyes open. The sad part is that most of them are Floppy perverts... XD But seriously, you should not worry or let the confidence fall because of that. There will be somewhere someone that will be interested in you and vise-versa, the thing is to keep your eyes open, analyze, understand and act.

Thanks for your reply Nyu001. Much appreciated.

In answer to your questions thoughts I guese studying for design and getting a design jobs has made me realise that I a not a career minded person at all. So for me to study again for something is probably out of the question, also I don't fancy getting in more debt from student loans.

I hate the isolation that my current job brings and I don't even believe in the moral aspects. I would love to work where I interact with people (but doing what I have no idea). what do I want out of life personally and professionally? well, I know now I'm not career minded. Yet I also have no intentions of having a family. What is important to me is working within a social enviroment and creating meaningful relationships with others. I really want a life long partner to share my life with, someone to go Adventering with and explore. Im quite a free spirit this is why I feel so depressed because I know Im not following my heart.but It so scary.

Is this what you meant by a personal and professional plan? Do you think I can do all this in my home town?

 

[Dunlop]

Hi everyone, I've just joined this forum as I really could do with some advice at the moment.

Im 24 years old and all the way up until I graduated from university I was happy with life. Ive always been a people person who likes making people laugh and always had a small group of close friends.

However ever since I left uni 3 years ago everything has turned into a disaster. Firstly I came back home because I had nothing else planned. Ive lost contact with lituarlly all my friends, either they have moved back home or they moved in with their partners and I never hear from them anymore. I re-connected with old friends from school, but I found Ive chnaged so much since then and they seem to have stayed the same. The converstaions they have are nothing meaningul at all and it just bores me. I got into two designs jobs (which i graduated in) I made no friends in the first job, I was the only girl and all teh men were loud and crude and I ended up feleing so depressed. So i moved jobs again, but now the work is less creative and Im being to think its not even the job for me. stuck in front of a computer all day with no social interaction. Again everyone is male with familes so I cant make a friend out of any of them.

Im a very independant person yet Im still stuck at home which bores me so much, although its very loving at home me and my parents have nothing in common. On top of all this Im 24 and never had a boyfriend and my confidence is dropping because I get no interest from men , mainly because I never meet anyone these days. I'm fairly good looking, interesting and funny but I just have no contact with like minded people. Ive joined groups, activites to try and meet new people, even photography/ art courses, Ive tryed everything but in every case I just meet older people, no one my own age.

Im so lost right now, I feel like I want to move away and have a fresh start in a new city so I can make new friends but I know the lonliness would kill me. Having no one to reply on, the earliest place I could go would be 2.5 hours away. Also is it really right to leave your family? Id feel bad for deserting them. I feel like Ive missed the boat in everything. I no longer know what I want from life and nothing has changed in 3 years! Im beginning to feel like a differnet person. My parents are very unhappy for me and they can see how sad I am, but only I can changed things. Yet I don't know what to do. Ive not had a laugh with anyone for ...well I can hardly remember. I long to have my old happy self back but I don't know how.

Im adventourous person at heart and I feel like im not being true to myself staying in my home town which s a boring place. But I feel like the courage it would take for me to make the move unbearable. How can I do that all on my own, Id be even more unhappy.

If anyone could offer me any wise advice it would be greatly appreciated.

Hey there,

I just created an account just to reply to this thread.

What you've been describing sounds so much like how I've been feeling myself lately, even though the situation is perhaps a little bit different. I don't have a solution for you, but I thought you'd might like to hear.

I'm 23, living with my parents, and all my friends seem to be slipping away from me. They all are building up a life, all have jobs and nearly all have partners they are (planning on) living together with. They hardly have any time for friends anymore.

I also don't have any plans for the future. I've got a degree as a laboratory worker, and have now randomly started studying biology because being a laboratory worker seemed like such a dull job. I don't make any new friends in class, although I am quite social and everybody seems to at least be enjoying my jokes. However, the people in my class quite a bit younger than I am, and their stories of studying and partying hardly interest me.

I feel like the energy of doing things is draining from me, and I'm getting stuck in the same routine every day. About 5 years ago I went hiking in Scotland (with 2 now-faded friends), and I'd love to go there once again. However, none of my few leftover friends want to undertake anything like that with me. A couple of times I've been one click away from confirming a flight just for myself to Glasgow, but I never had the nerve to jump in the deep end. I've already even bought some of hiking equipment that I never used, because I somehow just don't dare to go on my own. I really don't know what I'm afraid of, because everything I do, I do by myself.


I'm sorry if I made this thread all about me. I just felt really relieved to find someone else my age who's in a seemingly similar situation. I started to feel like I was the only one who was running behind the speeding train.

 

[user 8168]

I can sort of relate to this. After I finished uni, I moved to another city for a job. I like the job still (been doing it for 3 years) and there are people my age at my work, but none of them are really friends, more acquantainces. I dont have any friends here and I've never had a girlfriend. I feel very lonely at times, and I want to do something about it, but I just have no idea what to do. Its like my whole lifes aim was to get through school, get through university, and get a good job. I've done that. Now what? Do this for another 40 years, retire, do some gardening, and then die alone?

Like the poster above, sorry for making the thread about me. I cant really offer you any advice Tiger lily, I'm in no position to do so.

 

[Kataphractos]

Im so lost right now, I feel like I want to move away and have a fresh start in a new city so I can make new friends but I know the lonliness would kill me. Having no one to reply on, the earliest place I could go would be 2.5 hours away. Also is it really right to leave your family? Id feel bad for deserting them. I feel like Ive missed the boat in everything. I no longer know what I want from life and nothing has changed in 3 years! Im beginning to feel like a differnet person. My parents are very unhappy for me and they can see how sad I am, but only I can changed things. Yet I don't know what to do. Ive not had a laugh with anyone for ...well I can hardly remember. I long to have my old happy self back but I don't know how.

Sometimes you just have to take that huge step into the unknown. It's a scary thing to do, and I feel nervous about doing it as well, especially when it comes to meeting new people. However, nothing will change if you don't allow yourself to...well...do what you feel is right. My apologies for sounding blunt, but nothing has changed in three years as you said because you're not allowing things to change. You have to throw off your comfort blanket and go out into the world if you want to grow. You definitely haven't missed the boat, it only leaves when you want it to, and it's never too late to board (though it's possible (and okay sometimes) to be tardy).

Life won't take that first step for you, that's something you have to do. Sometimes taking a risk is the only way you can change your life. The question is, though, are you willing to do it? (If you do eventually decide to move, just make sure you have a job and place to live lined up first.) I wish I could help you out on making new friends, but I suck at meeting new people too, so...yeah.


As an aside, you do sound like an interesting person to be around. And we're within the same age range

 

[Lonesome Crow]

I went throught exactly the samething after I got out of the Air Force. I came home..Half of my friends were gone. A quater of them were married the other quarter were just hanging bars bascially doig the same old HS stuff.
I couldnt connect with anyone anymore.
Moving to the big city helped me alot for the time I was there..I used had stayed N rode out the storm. My roomate ran out..so I ended up moving back home again...with a great paying job..but ultimately I was still unhappy.
20 yrs later..Im bascailly @ the same crossroad. Ive been in 2 long term relationships..settle down and raised a family..but my life changed.
Im working @ a dead end job. Im very out going N easy going for the most part..I just cant do that bar hopping scene or rasing a family again.

I know happiness is an inside job..but
my surroundings effects me just the same..I cant grow N furrish in non furtle soil either...

May I suggest reading " The Dream Giver"..it gose into overcoming ur fears..getting out of ur comfrtzone..et