BETTER WithOut friends??

[August Campbell]

If you really think about it, what's better than friends is having acquaintances only. What I mean by acquaintances are people such as those at your job-place--your co-workers. They are not your friends but instead are acquaintances only. You can get socialization from them withOut any emotional attachment.
It's safer that way because let's suppose you have a close friend. Then if that person dies or he dumps you, then you'll suffer even worse. Because friendship is emotional attachment, and that can destroy you, as you can plainly see from the example I cited. So instead of attachment, it's better to practice Detachment. So comparing between friends and acquaintances, don't you think it's better to limit to acquaintances only??

 

[TropicalStarfish]

No.

 

[user 150037]

It's a risk you take with friendships - you lose people and you fall out with people.

For instance, I am in a group I met when I started using MindUK, most of whom suffer from suicidal thoughts, but I wouldn't think 'there's no point in being friends with any of them if they're going to off themselves in a week's time!'.

They're all nice people, and even if the worst was to happen, I would still be happy that I knew them. The experiences I had with them would still have been positive.

 

[okidoke]

No.

 

[Walnut]

I get what you mean. I have suffered with a lack of social connection for my entire life. At work most people hate me. The others keep their distance in case Im contagious. The ones who take advantage practice on me. These days my life is everything I can do to get to work and pay my bills. I honestly don’t have the capacity to create or maintain a friendship. I don’t want to risk trusting anyone. I just can’t afford it if I’m wrong. I have nothing left.

I do my best to cope by trying to be happy in solitude. I’ve gotten pretty good at being happy alone.

@August Campbell I’m sorry you are feeling this way and I hope you find a way to improve your situation.

 

[MrLonely86]

Most people are reliable as Tesla car company.



Luckily I have a solution: make your own life in way you don't depend on anyone.

 

[user 150037]

I've noticed even though I have made a few friends this year, I often doubt it in the back of my mind - as though they're just being nice; afterall I've spoken about my loneliness and social awkwardness in the group counselling sessions - so it would only be natural for them to 'feel sorry' for me.

I try to ignore that cynical inner voice, but it's there. When one of them arranges a meetup, it is a 'all are welcome' kind of deal - it's not like anyone's going to say to me 'No, you can't come. I don't like you!'. I wouldn't question them about it (I'm not a ****. lol.)

Am just being cynical, or is there a slight possibility?

 

[CenotaphGirl]

My fella talks like this, but I think its healthy to have friends honestly.

 

[Cherubino]

friends are a good thing on condition you are (genuinely) your best friend

 

[user 150037]

What I've been finding since making friends this past year (it's a mixed support group - so there are people of different ages) there are two men in the group but they're 50 year old dads. All but one woman are in their 60s. Though I do talk to them too. There's one in the group who is my age - and she's become somewhat of a friend of mine (we hang out now and again, and talk on the phone every couple of days).

But lately I've been having this issue where I've become too attached to her - I can't help but feel a bit envious of the other people who spend time with her. I don't know what kind of person that makes me. I do however respect her boundaries, and even if I want a phone conversation, I text her beforehand to ask her 'You feel like having a chat later?' then she calls me.

I feel guilty for these envious feelings, cos I feel like it's not a very nice trait to have. What do you all think?

 

[Minus]

As a wise man most elegantly said, No.

 

[August Campbell]

I get what you mean. I have suffered with a lack of social connection for my entire life. At work most people hate me. The others keep their distance in case Im contagious. The ones who take advantage practice on me. These days my life is everything I can do to get to work and pay my bills. I honestly don’t have the capacity to create or maintain a friendship. I don’t want to risk trusting anyone. I just can’t afford it if I’m wrong. I have nothing left.

I do my best to cope by trying to be happy in solitude. I’ve gotten pretty good at being happy alone.

@August Campbell I’m sorry you are feeling this way and I hope you find a way to improve your situation.

While I appreciate your kind words, it's not necessary to feel sorry for me. Not necessary at all, because I'm quite content and even blessed. Ironically, I feel sorry for you because you say you are mistreated and shunned at work. So I feel sorry for you.
On the other hand, in my case, I manage to get along very well with my co-workers. There's only one co-worker who is abusive but I tolerate him because he's just 1% compared to the 99% of the co-workers who are nice to me. No, they're not friends but instead acquaintances only. But the sense of teamwork I feel with them gives me enough social vibes to gratify me. That's why in comparing friends and acquaintances that I insist it's better to have acquaintances only.

 

[ardour]

Acquaintances aren't usually keen to do things outside of work or whatever circumstances you met. The point of friends is that you matter to others beyond some replaceable source of social interaction. So no.

 

[user 139760]

**** friends. Bunch of leeches who are only sucking you dry and are only out for themselves, when they see fit and it fits their passing mood. Better off alone. People are disegenuine and will go out if their way to feel like they aren't.

 

[NoxApex(N/A)]

It's situationally dependent. If a plane goes down in the forest and you survive, than it's probably in your favor to make friends with other survivors given that nature, with all of its tiny nuances, will kill you off pretty quickly.
However, within the safety, sanctity and security of modern, everyday first world problems of city and suburban life, all of any mortal threats by nature are pretty much outsourced and taken care of by the job and career source markets, and the only mortal threats typically tend to be among other humans and our inventions or designs. So yes, sometimes, if the situation and setting is correct, people can be more of a problem than a help.
But also, in other times, people can be more of a help than a problem.
It's very situational.

 

[user 190541]

It's situationally dependent. If a plane goes down in the forest and you survive, than it's probably in your favor to make friends with other survivors given that nature, with all of its tiny nuances, will kill you off pretty quickly.
However, within the safety, sanctity and security of modern, everyday first world problems of city and suburban life, all of any mortal threats by nature are pretty much outsourced and taken care of by the job and career source markets, and the only mortal threats typically tend to be among other humans and our inventions or designs. So yes, sometimes, if the situation and setting is correct, people can be more of a problem than a help.
But also, in other times, people can be more of a help than a problem.
It's very situational.

You know, ever since Richard said you were overthinking things, I've started to realize that you do have a tendency to overthink things.

Which is funny, I guess.

 

[NoxApex(N/A)]

You know, ever since Richard said you were overthinking things, I've started to realize that you do have a tendency to overthink things.

Which is funny, I guess.

I would rather overthink than overfeel.
Overthinking leads me to inevitable solution.
Overfeeling on the other hand, tends to lead me to a kamakazi spiral.
Feeling caged is very, very not good for me. However knowing I am caged, but without feeling caged, I can work with.
But just feeling caged, yeah, spirals me out into my own unpredictability, which I imagine if it's bad for me than it's probably bad for others as well.
If I just blindly did what I felt, I wouldn't be able to converse probably much at all with anyone in any way, shape or form ever.

 

[user 190541]

I would rather overthink than overfeel.
Overthinking leads me to inevitable solution.
Overfeeling on the other hand, tends to lead me to a kamakazi spiral.
Feeling caged is very, very not good for me. However knowing I am caged, but without feeling caged, I can work with.
But just feeling caged, yeah, spirals me out into my own unpredictability, which I imagine if it's bad for me than it's probably bad for others as well.
If I just blindly did what I felt, I wouldn't be able to converse probably much at all with anyone in any way, shape or form ever.

That's a good reasoning and I agree with it.