Black spider (work in progress)

[evanescencefan91]

i want to submit this poem for our schools halloween literary press

it's not fully finished yet, this is what i have so far, some parts of it i really like, but i'm lookin for more lines to add, and i'm jut having trouble getting it to all fit perfectly in a neat and tiddy little poem form

Black spider black spider sitting on the wall
Black spider black spider too many legs to crawl
Black spider black spider devouring us all

Black spider black spider spinning in its web
Black spder black spider filling me with dread
Black spider black spider would surely have me dead

Black spider the epiphany of all my fears
Black spider black spider ever drawing near
Deep breaths oh God don’t let me die here

Black spider black spider sitting on the wall
Black spider black spider too many legs to crawl
Black spider black spider devouring us all

Black spider black spider it drains me dry
Black spider black spider you asked me why
why i wished to die

Black spider this heart cannot mend
Black spider my only friend
Black spider lead me to my end



so please tell me what you think. i'm still trying to come up with more,
so please critque (as long as it's not going to make me feel bad,)
tell me what you like and what i should change.

in some lines i have 2 "black spiders" some lines i only have one, is that confusing?

so just tellme what you think please

thanks

 

[Bluey]

*Gets scared* I think its pretty good. Well you be getting dressed up for Halloween this year? I used to put a scary mask on as a kid. Some ppl think I never took it off lol J/K all thou not a very good joke

Ghost'y ghost'y go away cos your not real anyway That's about the extant to my poetry.

 

[evanescencefan91]

thanks bluey

 

[jales]

interesting..
nope..not a very good joke Bluey (better luck next time though)

evan.. i guess it's about our fears and troubles locking us in one position and so since we can move on..those fears become our only friends..they become what we depend upon to define us cause we cant move past them and make healthy friends or habits.

do i get it?

 

[evanescencefan91]

thanks jales,

lol i don't really know what i was thinking about when i wrote this. just feelings, and thinking of something i could put into a poem, so over the course of a few days i just got a few lines, and such. But ya subcounsciously maybe thats what i was going for