Bored

[Joyce1]

Hi I’ve been married for 14 years we have no kids I just feel bored in my marriage.

My husband sleeps in a separate room and never really wants to do anything we do have a great social life but it isn’t without him complaining or wanting to leave the place we are.

I feel quite trapped I don’t know what to do.

 

[TheRealCallie]

Welcome to ALL

You say you have a great social life, but is that as a couple or just you? If it's as a couple, I would recommend getting one of your own. Go out, do things, get your own life outside of him.
Aside from that, have you talked to him about how you feel? Is counseling an option? How he revealed any information about why he is sleeping in another room?

 

[Joyce1]

Welcome to ALL

You say you have a great social life, but is that as a couple or just you? If it's as a couple, I would recommend getting one of your own. Go out, do things, get your own life outside of him.
Aside from that, have you talked to him about how you feel? Is counseling an option? How he revealed any information about why he is sleeping in another room?

I would say both although he moans about going anywhere and ends up leaving early so I end up staying out with the people that we are out with and when u say early it’s a couple of hours at most we could have dinner and a few drinks with friends at 7 and he wants to be home for 9 and will sometimes just leave and not say that he has gone, which is then awakard for me. He never used to be like that so I find it strange as I’m used to us spending time together doing things. For example tomorrow I have a wedding with a work friend. He is already saying what time are we home and then starting to say go on my own if I want when everyone else’s partner is going it’s just really awkward and when we do go i will just be on edge as I know he will be click watching.

 

[Unsigned]

IMO, bored isn't so bad.
It's better than something bad happening.
At least that's my take on it.

 

[okidoke]

welcome to the forum Joyce. Thx for sharing your situation with us.

without knowing enough about your dynamic, and each of your, it's a little tricky to advise you thoroughly, so there's lots of questions we could ask you, but it's up to you how much you'd elaborate and divulge. I guess the most important thing to ask you is, do you still love him and love him enough that you actually DO want to stay with him? Have you discussed the issue with him? Told him what concerns you about your relationship with him? Are you interested in remaining with him, but having your own life, and would he be okay with that? That may or may not include having a secondary relationship. Couples have all sorts of consenting open relationships, or just discreet ones too. If you have needs he's not meeting, he needs to know, or not and you just do everything in secret. So many variables here. My wife and sleep in different rooms for better sleep and the fact that we're estranged. We live under the same roof, but live our own lives, but occasionally share experiences because we're still affable. It's not ideal and my needs aren't getting met, but I can't financially afford to leave while we still have two kids at home, or even without them without getting more funds in our lives. It comes down to how much you want to compromise, or sacrifice, in your life. He may have genuine reasons for his behaviour, but that doesn't mean you should accept his thinking or join him in his way of thinking; so you might agree to go to an event together and you might stay and revel on while he returns home, and he may accept that if you talk it out with him. If he's a jerk about things, well, perhaps it's time to consider life apart from him or you might send yourself crazy and end up really resenting him. Conversation is important in any case. Air needs to be cleared and thoughts shared and worked out.

 

[user 135671]

Most people get married believing in the myth that marriage is a beautiful box full of all the things they have longed for. Companionship, intimacy, friendship etc .. The truth is there is no love in marriage, love is in people and people put love in marriage. There is no romance in marriage, you have to infuse it into your marriage. A couple must learn the art and form the habit of giving, loving, serving, praising, of filling the 'beautiful box' and if you take out more than you put in the box will be empty.

 

[Joyce1]

IMO, bored isn't so bad.
It's better than something bad happening.
At least that's my take on it.

I have actually been through some hard times in my life and I guess that is a part of why I feel like I do I just don’t want to waste my life on something that maybe isn’t right.

 

[Joyce1]

Most people get married believing in the myth that marriage is a beautiful box full of all the things they have longed for. Companionship, intimacy, friendship etc .. The truth is there is no love in marriage, love is in people and people put love in marriage. There is no romance in marriage, you have to infuse it into your marriage. A couple must learn the art and form the habit of giving, loving, serving, praising, of filling the 'beautiful box' and if you take out more than you put in the box will be empty.

Thank you for your advise I feel like I do try but I just get nothing back at all.

 

[Joyce1]

welcome to the forum Joyce. Thx for sharing your situation with us.

without knowing enough about your dynamic, and each of your, it's a little tricky to advise you thoroughly, so there's lots of questions we could ask you, but it's up to you how much you'd elaborate and divulge. I guess the most important thing to ask you is, do you still love him and love him enough that you actually DO want to stay with him? Have you discussed the issue with him? Told him what concerns you about your relationship with him? Are you interested in remaining with him, but having your own life, and would he be okay with that? That may or may not include having a secondary relationship. Couples have all sorts of consenting open relationships, or just discreet ones too. If you have needs he's not meeting, he needs to know, or not and you just do everything in secret. So many variables here. My wife and sleep in different rooms for better sleep and the fact that we're estranged. We live under the same roof, but live our own lives, but occasionally share experiences because we're still affable. It's not ideal and my needs aren't getting met, but I can't financially afford to leave while we still have two kids at home, or even without them without getting more funds in our lives. It comes down to how much you want to compromise, or sacrifice, in your life. He may have genuine reasons for his behaviour, but that doesn't mean you should accept his thinking or join him in his way of thinking; so you might agree to go to an event together and you might stay and revel on while he returns home, and he may accept that if you talk it out with him. If he's a jerk about things, well, perhaps it's time to consider life apart from him or you might send yourself crazy and end up really resenting him. Conversation is important in any case. Air needs to be cleared and thoughts shared and worked out.

Unfortunately we don’t have children it didn’t work out for us. Which is fine, I feel like I’m slowly moving more into a single life I can afford to live on my own its hard because we moved to another country a few years ago so it’s not as easy as just moving out I would need to move back to my home country or move here but the friends I have are friends we have met together here it’s just a tricky situation

 

[okidoke]

Unfortunately we don’t have children it didn’t work out for us. Which is fine, I feel like I’m slowly moving more into a single life I can afford to live on my own its hard because we moved to another country a few years ago so it’s not as easy as just moving out I would need to move back to my home country or move here but the friends I have are friends we have met together here it’s just a tricky situation

Can you discuss it out with him, maybe raising some of the points I’ve mentioned? And having kids doesn’t guarantee an outcome either way. It does make splitting up easier though.