Breakdown

[Jalmerk]

Hello, this is my first thread, i thought i'd give it a try since there is really no one i can open up to.

I have never felt so hopelessly alone in my entire life. I'm a positive and social person, yet i have no real friends, only the ones that linger around if we happen to be in the same place, the ones that never call me or pay any attention to me unless i take action.

My school is going to hell because of my lack of motivation, I am so lonely i just can't even do anything right. I have a girlfriend believe it or not, but she is just looking for something to be angry about, she pours **** down my throat litterally every day for a little mistake i made (seriously, not gonna get into it, but it was nothing serious, not like cheating or anything) over a year ago, and although she is trying to bring me down all the time i still try to remain happy and trying to make her feel better, sometimes even taking the blame for things i shouldnt.

But now ive just reached my limit. My teacher told me if i cant get this impossible amount of work done by next week, i can't come along on our class trip to Japan in the spring, and that i would have to pay the flight anyway cause its already booked. And as if that isnt enough my girlfriend goes on a rampage telling me how **** i am and how boring i am and that im not different than any other guy. I try to tell her straight from my heart that im different because i love her for what she is, and making her happy is all i care about, but she wont listen, and just tells me im worthless. And so im lying on the floor in my room at 2:30am hyperventilating and feeling like nothing matters anymore. I often think about what people would think if i died, and what i see is people being surprised and a bit down for a day or two, and life moving on. I'm not worried about what i will be remembered as, i'm worried about if i'll be remembered at all.

As i said, i'm a very positive person, so i'm not going to kill myself, but im having a serious breakdown, and i don't know how i can ever climb out of this hole ive been pushed into. I just need someone to read this, someone to show me the least bit of attention, all i want is to be wanted you know. It's the worst feeling in the world, knowing that no one cares

 

[evanescencefan91]

*hugs jalmerk*

welcome to the forum

I can relate a lot to the lack of motivation I've had to deal with a lot of lethargia in my life and I still do

I've always wanted to fake my own death, so I could see people's reactions at my funeral, and then I would spend the rest of my life "haunting" everyone who wasn't sad enough at my funeral

1st are you happy with your girlfriend? how long have you been going out?

being single sucks but being in a relation ship that makes you unhappy is even worse and requires more energy and takes up more of your time

tell her that you don't like when she gives you ****, and you wish that she would let go of whatever happened back then, if she doesn't tell her that it isn't working out for you,
it's great that you care for her, but you deserve someone that will help you times like this and will make you better
if you are really unhappy with this relationship, and if she isn't willing to help, then you may want to call it off, but before you do that ask her if she'll help you with your homework

*hugs*


2nd hey man I know it feels like the end of the world and you won't get passed this but you will this feeling won't last forever,
I'm familar with the floor hyperventilation and sobbing : it's okay to cry if you need to, if you can go take a long shower, and then maybe go to bed, if you can ask your mom to call you in sick tomorrow so you can get some good sleep so you can feel better in the morning and it'll give a chance to work on your homework

but you'll make it through tomorrow and the next and then you won't feel so bad, just get through tonight, high school is hell but you'll make it through stronger and (hopefully) more mature than you were

3rd!

THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS AN IMPOSSIBLE AMOUNT OF HOMEWORK!!

I really wanted to go to japan on our class trip, but I couldn't afford it

what year of japanese are you in? I've gotten rusty over the last year

but take it from the expert, hey man you've a whole week, there's nothing that an insane sick amount of cramming can't accomplish,

every day during lunch take a sandwich or your lunch to the library, sneak it in if it's not allowed and work on your homework
I'd eat nothing but chex mix and vitamin water for lunch, and I would finish essays that were due that afternoon

after school go to library and work on your assignments until the library closes and continue at home, motivation is hard but I think you've got something to motivate you,

and I don't mean to sound mean,


but get off the internet and random sites and go get started on your work! if you get started now you can do it

go go go go go!!!




now if you'll excuse me, I'm just going to sit back and enough the extra two weeks of my epic month long semester break

ahh Schadenfreude

jk I'm pulling for you man you can it