Confused

[HappyYogi]

Hi All~

Just would like to express my feelings here.

I am an unmarried woman in my 40's. I have a longterm bf though.

A few months back and old college friend FB'ed me. I was happy to hear from her and we got together for dinner sometime in August.

It was me, her husband, my bf and me.

We had a great time. We laughed a lot, talked A LOT. She even said she had a great time in an email to me AND asked me to go to lunch with her. I didn't go to lunch yet because she is sort of far away and it's not easy to do so.

We talked about getting together again. She suggested sometime in November. I said "sure, whatever works for you". I was excited to see her again.

I haven't heard from her since even though we are FB "friends", etc. Not even a holiday greeting.

So I am now wondering why and feeling anxious about it. My mind is trying to figure what it can be. Is it because my bf and I met online and they think that is weird? Is it because she is Jewish and I am not? Is it because I am not married with no kids and she is, with kids? Is it because I am veg and she is not? Is she turned off by my FB? Is it something I said??? Does she not like my bf? (who is very intelligent and generally well accepted).

I know we need to keep expectations in check but it hurts not even a holiday greeting or a quick note telling me why November didn't pan out. I don't have to see her a lot but a holiday greeting would've been nice.

I am feeling left out in the cold, once again, without knowing why.

She did this to me before in my 20's. She came to visit, the city I lived in wasn't as 'hip" as hers (SF) and we lost touch. It hurt be a bit then but I accepted it an moved on.

Now it's like ???

Thanks for letting me share my anxiety and disappointment.

 

[Nolife Princess]

Howdy!

Just simply ask her...... and see where it goes! (

 

[Sci-Fi]

If this is something she has done before, then it's her not you. Some people are just like that. I have an Aunt who will be nice a pie to you one day, next day it's like you don't even exist. Just how she is. My mom has a "friend" who acts like that as well. Sounds like your old friend is the same way. Try not to worry about it too much.

 

[jjam]

let's get it straight
-someone reached out to you via facebook
-you had dinner in August
-she invited you for lunch
-you couldn't make it because of the distance issue
-she proposed that you all try again sometime in November
-...and? that was the last time you spoke?

Look, I happen to think the whole "I reached out, so now it's your turn" stuff can be a bit childish, but maybe she's wondering something similar to what you are - that she reached out to you and has made efforts to get you all hooking up and is wondering where your efforts are in all of this.

Like someone else said, if you're confused, call her. I remember when I was confused. Called and **** really did get settled. lol!

 

[HappyYogi]

Hi. I wasn't clear on who did the last reaching out.

I think I asked about seeing her again...she said in the middle of November. I answered very enthusiastically OK, that would be great!. Oh before that I sent her an email sharing about Halloween, etc.

So I gave the last very enthusiastic "yes" and then crickets.

I am not a *** for tat type of person but when I don't feel comfortable yet and I don't know if I matter to them or if she likes me at all, I am a bit afraid to find out. That's why I am on this board.

Happy Yogi

let's get it straight
-someone reached out to you via facebook
-you had dinner in August
-she invited you for lunch
-you couldn't make it because of the distance issue
-she proposed that you all try again sometime in November
-...and? that was the last time you spoke?

Look, I happen to think the whole "I reached out, so now it's your turn" stuff can be a bit childish, but maybe she's wondering something similar to what you are - that she reached out to you and has made efforts to get you all hooking up and is wondering where your efforts are in all of this.

Like someone else said, if you're confused, call her. I remember when I was confused. Called and **** really did get settled. lol!

---

I think I should add something. On the first dinner we talked about the joy of grilling. I encouraged her in a fun way to get a grill. She got one and said she cooked chicken and then she said "I know you wouldn't approve".

I wasn't sure what to do with that statement. I didn't talk animal issues with her and don't plan to. I accept her as she is as others. I didn't look down on her at all...she is a bright person and I respect her decisions.

I did answer it. I said "J, please know whatever I post on FB is to get the word out about animal issues, it's not directed at you at all, just using social media marketing to tell others what is going on". I tried to make it clear it's not personal and I am totally OK with her and her diet.

I don't know.

 

[annik]

I'm definitely someone who would fear the worse here but sometimes people just get busy and things slip their mind. I wouldn't drive yourself mad thinking what you did wrong or what she didn't like. Chances are there's nothing.

Also the fact shes done this before kind of makes me think shes just flaky. Which isn't great.

 

[HappyYogi]

I guess just wait and go on with my life (as I am doing) and see.

I am still not feeling comforted by this but just gotta deal.

Thanks all.

 

[jjam]

Well, whatever you do, don't let it turn you bitter/angry towards her or others you may encounter like her. When I got my first major dose of something similar, it became a lot less about trying to hold on to her and more about holding on to myself (as in not losing myself, which includes, but isn't limited to, my dignity).

 

[HappyYogi]

I agree. I am not vulnerable to lashing out in any way. In general I don't do that (thank goodness!). And I haven't written her off in any way and will still stay open.

Thank you for your thoughts.

Well, whatever you do, don't let it turn you bitter/angry towards her or others you may encounter like her. When I got my first major dose of something similar, it became a lot less about trying to hold on to her and more about holding on to myself (as in not losing myself, which includes, but isn't limited to, my dignity).