Current friendship status...

[Felix]

This week I went back to facebook and took a look at the status. With the 140 'friends' I have, I only really liked what my teachers had to say, and some of the information on pages of independent media. I still can't find any meaning in the rest... even in what my real life friends say, except maybe once in a while. Most of the time I take a few seconds to read the status of my average contact I think is a bunch of pointless crap honestly... The knid of thing a regular sociable person might understand but I don't. Funny how out of 140 contacts, only 6 I consider worth to be called real friends. And even from those 6 real friends, I can't really trust any of them.

There were special friendships I used to trust to some degree, with 2 girls, which kept decreasing until now... it's definetly zero. I don't really enjoy much anymore being with this friends, yesterday I spent some time with them and it's not as enjoyable as it used to be. My 2 closest friends got upset with me for some reason is still not clear to me. They ignore me and have sort of passive agressive attitude towards me. I can't come to an understanding with them. One of them said we could talk about it, I agreed but after yesterday I'm sure I don't want to. We've been in similar situations in the past and I'm just sick of it. It takes too much energy out of me. It's ridiculous. I don't understand how they stay mad so long after what we went through for 2 years. I get this feeling that it's all meaningless to them but I know it's not. I see they are hurted by staying mad at me, yet they reamain in this strange position of wanting to seem stronger than what they can handle without self hurting.

What I'm trying to say is... It's time for me to move on and find new people. I'm reading to improve myself, and I'm gonna try to find more balanced individuals to be friends with so hopefully I can avoid this situations. I know is in me, I know brought all this on myself. I don't deserve it but I'm always too nice and too understanding of others untill I get too hurt and sick of it I have to throw it away. It happened before but this time I gained a better understanding of myself and how I stablish a relationship with others.

I'm not sure what I want with this thread, I guess I just need to lay it out a bit. It's been quite hard.

 

[grainofrice24]

Howdy Felix!

Some possibilities to consider after reading your story:

1) Is it really necessary to dismiss your old friendships? You've already made the connections. Trust me, from experience, losing friends is something you'll always regret. The group doesn't leave you...you leave the group.

2) I'm always sceptical when people say "I don't deserve it". One of my professors said that "whatever comes your way in life...you've often earned it!".

3) I can identify with the "I'm too nice" thing. Are you only considering the times when you've been nice. People are often to quick to forget the times when they've acted unkindly.

4) Self help books *sigh*. If it's something like "Finance for Dummy's" or "How to build your own shed" ie "do-it-yourself" books, I'm all in favour of them....when it's "Be a better person" or "feel better about yourself".............the answer you're looking for is probably not in those books..although they might be. Chances are the answer is in the back of your head buried somewhere...you just gotta dig it out!

 

[Felix]

I'm not really gonna dismiss them, I just realize is time to move on a bit. We are different in many ways. This is very hard to explain trough a forum, but I feel too much hysteria, too many situations that annoy me...

What I feel that I don't deserve is being acussed with things that aren't fare, constantly. But as I said I put myself in this situation. The thing I did was walking away for a while from the group's "main activity", which is selling our production (comics). I was already tired of constant stupid fights. Just to give an example, a girl got mad at me the whole night for not wanting to eat the sandwich she made before I took a shower. Is like that, you've read it well... It was a mindblowing level of pointless annoyance. This 2 girls I still care about, I think they're cool and smart in some ways, but they've became control freaks and the whole group stands this but I just can't.

So I have to limit my time around them. If this means our friendships will die... It sucks but I can't put up with this **** as often. It wears me out mentally.

About the self help books yeah, I know there is a lot of bs, I dig trough it... Mainly I get help from my therapist tough.

You made me think a bit harder, if anything was my fault was the fact that I walked away for about 3 months and then I said to them that I only cared about selling my own stuff and that there was no group spirit. But the reaction to this was very agressive towards me, unfare and disrespectful. Even after time passed they're still mad, they're unwilling to see the things that bother me. I always have to be understanding of them, I'm sick of that.

PD: nice pancakes

 

[kaetic]

I wish you luck in selling your comics. It's always tough when you get involved with friends financially. But who knows maybe a little space would be helpful.

 

[Felix]

I wish you luck in selling your comics. It's always tough when you get involved with friends financially. But who knows maybe a little space would be helpful.

Thanks. I've heard that it can be tough, and now I've experienced it... I hope the space will help, maybe time might put perspective on all this.