Desirability of lifespan?

[MTrip]

Have you ever wished you had died young or had something happen so you would avoid what comes with old age?

My mother was in the ICU the last I checked. After the third fall this week, it was discovered she has a sodium deficiency. The sawbones decided to remove a growth from her groin area, as the docs think that might have caused the condition. This is in addition to everything else going on with her these days. She turned 71 earlier this week.

i remember what it was like when I took care of my father after he had his heart attack. No point in recounting all of it, but basically he was never the man I knew. Lotta hospital trips...

Don't get the wrong idea--I'm alive now & staying that way. But frankly I wonder why a long life is considered desirable by so many people. Death doesn't usually scare me & I don't mind growing old. It's what comes with it that makes it a curse. Why in Buddha's bronzed balls would you desire to spend your days frail & delicate, with constant diseases & not being able to find your ass with both hands & an anatomy chart?

 

[Grackle]

I would say its the fear of death that keeps people going to the doctors. But old age doesn't have to be about medical breakdowns. I'm hoping for a quick death while sleeping.

 

[jaguarundi]

I don't think most people want a long life - they want a long healthy life. Sadly that isn't always what happens. If I found that I was, like my Mum, getting Alzheimer's, and that they still had no cure for it, I would be off to the euthanasia clinic in Switzerland as soon as I had settled my affairs....

 

[TropicalStarfish]

Yeah, I think fear of death and the desire to live is what accounts for this. I think there should be more options for euthanasia/doctor assisted suicide, but frankly most people are just too terrified of this. We have one state here in the US that allows for the terminally ill elderly the right to die. That's a pretty sad state of affairs, I think.

People are generally very attached to the ones they love and have great fear of losing them...

It's a very touchy subject, especially in the western world, death. I think it's just too bad. A lot of needless suffering could be avoided if we were more able to accept death as just another stage in life. To work with it, rather than fight it, literally to the death. No matter how good a fight we put up, we'll never win in the end.

For me personally, I have some fear of death. I also want to live. Live, not in the sense of be alive, but in the hope of experiencing more of the things in my life that I can look back on and say, that was what made my life worth living.

 

[jaguarundi]

^That. I went to great lengths to keep Mum with me - she was my friend as well as my Mum, until the disease took her. But I wouldn't wish it for myself. . . hypocritical, really.

It was this time two years ago that she entered her final stage of deterioration, and died May 11th two years ago. I wouldn't wish what she suffered on anyone - not even the mass-murderers of last century.

Unless you have experienced Alzheimer's up close and personal, you have no idea. It ain't just a bit of memory loss and wandering off. It is violent moods, it is not remembering your loved ones. It is having to be tied in your chair to stop you from getting up and falling. It is double incontinence. It is screaming and moaning.. progressive organ failure ... sorry, can't go on. .

 

[TheSkaFish]

Jeez. This is something I worry about all the time. My family is all pretty old except for my two younger human brothers (Boomer counts as a brother to me, and is technically younger but older in dog years), so every day that I wake up and everyone is still here I breathe a sigh of relief.

I want a long, healthy life. I like to think that most of the time, I make the healthiest choices I can given what's available to me in terms of food, also I don't smoke anything anymore and don't see myself doing that again except for perhaps the finest of cigars after a truly great success. However, wanting to live a long time means I'll have to deal with things that I really don't want to think about. So I try not to, until anything happens. I try to just say we're all here today so I should be happy.

 

[Peaches]

some people are old and very healthy, then one never knows what will happen, but at a small level there are things one can do, with diet, exercise, stress free life and life motivation

 

[MTrip]

Many good points made here. Thank you all for your responses so far. I am also in favor of assisted suicide generally. If/When you get to the point where the warranty on your body has run out & you've used up the best part of your life, you should have a choice.

Diet & exercise can make a difference & almost always do. I keep meaning to get into a routine again....It's not easy when you have vertigo, chronic sinus problems, insomnia & a few other issues.

My mother doesn't have Alzheimer's, fortunately. She does have senile dementia. Hasn't mentioned the spies living next door to her since I've called but as soon as she gets back home (if she makes it) & we get to talking, I know I'll hear about it.

Updatey mother is apparently infected with MRSA. That's probably what caused the boil. We'll see.... *sigh*

 

[TropicalStarfish]

Sorry to hear that MTrip...

 

[lostatsea]

Long healthy life is right. You have people like Sylvester Stallone who is closing in on 70 and in better shape than I have ever been in my life. Then you have people in their 60s who can barely function on their own.

I'd like to live as long as I can function.

But the truth is, the point of living isn't to add days to life but to add life to days. Some people "live" more in 20 years than others do in 80.

 

[TheSkaFish]

Long healthy life is right. You have people like Sylvester Stallone who is closing in on 70 and in better shape than I have ever been in my life. Then you have people in their 60s who can barely function on their own.

Or George Takei and Patrick Stewart able to do 100 consecutive pushups...both in their 70s. That really blew me away...at my very best the most I've ever been able to do is 40 It does inspire me, though.

 

[Sci-Fi]

Long healthy life is right. You have people like Sylvester Stallone who is closing in on 70 and in better shape than I have ever been in my life. Then you have people in their 60s who can barely function on their own.

Or George Takei and Patrick Stewart able to do 100 consecutive pushups...both in their 70s. That really blew me away...at my very best the most I've ever been able to do is 40 It does inspire me, though.

100? Really? Wow, spry older guys. All I have to say to that is... Oh my. LOL

 

[ladyforsaken]

*hugs* MTrip & Jag, both your posts were heartbreaking enough.

 

[Solivagant]

Yeah, I think fear of death and the desire to live is what accounts for this. I think there should be more options for euthanasia/doctor assisted suicide, but frankly most people are just too terrified of this. We have one state here in the US that allows for the terminally ill elderly the right to die. That's a pretty sad state of affairs, I think.

People are generally very attached to the ones they love and have great fear of losing them...

It's a very touchy subject, especially in the western world, death. I think it's just too bad. A lot of needless suffering could be avoided if we were more able to accept death as just another stage in life. To work with it, rather than fight it, literally to the death. No matter how good a fight we put up, we'll never win in the end.

For me personally, I have some fear of death. I also want to live. Live, not in the sense of be alive, but in the hope of experiencing more of the things in my life that I can look back on and say, that was what made my life worth living.

I agree. I think there is a lot more opposition to euthanasia than there should be.

My mother doesn't have Alzheimer's, fortunately. She does have senile dementia. Hasn't mentioned the spies living next door to her since I've called but as soon as she gets back home (if she makes it) & we get to talking, I know I'll hear about it.

I'm sorry to hear that. =( My father has been talking about neighbors being "spies" for a few years. I wonder if it's something I should be more concerned about.

Alzheimer's is terrifying. It's one of the worst things I can think of happening to a person. I'm sorry any of you have had to see a loved one go through that.

I personally am not afraid of death. I would prefer to live a longer life if it is healthy and fulfilling, but the idea of dying young doesn't really bother me. Growing old alone and in bad health bothers me more.

 

[jaguarundi]

Alzheimer's or vascular dementia, the pain of seeing a loved one degenerate with it is .. Impossible to explain. I just went numb a lot of the time.
My father did not help .. He has plenty of money ….. But it is for HIM. So, He preferred to sew 2 cheap incontinence pads together rather than buy what the care assistants recommended. He wouldn't put enough heat on in her bathroom so her teeth were chattering and she would cry. He wouldn't give her little meals throughout the day so she could digest them. (No eating between meals, you see)....

There is much more I could say about it, but I won't. I have to go and clean his house in an hour or so.

But the spies thing .. Paranoia is a feature of dementia .. for some, anyway. Mum thought I was stealing from her. And that we were giving her medicine to control her. And tat father had tried to shove her downstairs. Actually she might have been right on that one. He tried to do it to me after she died...

 

[MTrip]

Alzheimer's or vascular dementia, the pain of seeing a loved one degenerate with it is .. Impossible to explain. I just went numb a lot of the time.
My father did not help .. He has plenty of money ….. But it is for HIM. So, He preferred to sew 2 cheap incontinence pads together rather than buy what the care assistants recommended. He wouldn't put enough heat on in her bathroom so her teeth were chattering and she would cry. He wouldn't give her little meals throughout the day so she could digest them. (No eating between meals, you see)....

There is much more I could say about it, but I won't. I have to go and clean his house in an hour or so.

But the spies thing .. Paranoia is a feature of dementia .. for some, anyway. Mum thought I was stealing from her. And that we were giving her medicine to control her. And tat father had tried to shove her downstairs. Actually she might have been right on that one. He tried to do it to me after she died...

I am amazed you're still putting up with all that. Probably because while I'm willing to help someone out if (s)he needs it, I learned a while back that blood relations are not a license to put another person through a tailor-made hell.

 

[jaguarundi]

It isn't for him - although I'm an 'enfant unique' and he has pissed off his last remaining family members by calling eldest cousin a greedy *****, a wanker and bloody stupid, just last year. I am all he has, but I'm doing it for me ... I won't be like him. You see?

 

[MTrip]

It isn't for him - although I'm an 'enfant unique' and he has pissed off his last remaining family members by calling eldest cousin a greedy *****, a wanker and bloody stupid, just last year. I am all he has, but I'm doing it for me ... I won't be like him. You see?

I do see, but I still don't figure it a good reason to take any honeysuckle off your father. Or anyone else, related or not.

---

More accurate edit: It turns out my mother ws mistaken...she isn't infected with MRSA, just a carrier of it. I didn't know you could have MRSA bacteria inside you & not show any symptoms but apparently it happens. Her doctor enlightened me on that.

The results from the biopsy taken from the lump on her groin came back. It is malignant melanoma. It's started spreading, too.

This isn't much of a surprise. My mother has always had a talent for growing things. She had her uterus removed years ago for that reason. Dunno yet what treatments are available but when you get to the bedrock, palliatives are all that's feasible for her at this point.

Life is a bowl of a few cherries, & many fresh dog turds.

 

[jaguarundi]

Sorry to hear that MTrip. It sounds like there may be little they can do. You will need all your strength to help support her.

 

[MTrip]

Sorry to hear that MTrip. It sounds like there may be little they can do. You will need all your strength to help support her.

Thanks, but how I will "support" her is an open question. Will be travelling out to where she is...Beyond clearing the junk out of her apartment (she certainly won't be going back to it; if she makes it out of the hospital she's headed for skilled nursing or hospice), taking care of whatever paperwork awaits me, etc., I don't see much else I can do. My mother lives over 2,000 miles from me, & we haven't had the closest relationship for a while now.