Didn't realize I was human

[midwestcoast]

Hi.

So if you have any advice I'd appreciate it but I mostly just need to say something that I know somebody will read.

Anyways, here I go..

I've always been a pretty shy person. Sometimes that shows itself in not knowing what to say even though I want to say something, but for a lot of my life it mostly meant I just didn't care. I didn't not-talk to people because I didn't know how (although I find I really don't) but because I just didn't really care about making relationships. Somehow I managed to get 2 pretty good friends and a girlfriend without really trying.

Those friends have moved away or started families and I see them twice a year at best. It's been like that for a few years and I was fine because I was still with my girlfriend. I felt fine without friends, even when I was with my girlfriend I thought if we broke up I wouldn't care that I was by myself. Welp, I was wrong ! She dumped me about a month ago after nearly 7 years together. I'm only 22...so I basically spent 1/3rd of my life with her and now that's gone and I have nobody.

The thing is, I'm confused about what pain I'm really feeling. I don't know that I ever really loved her, we just got along and it was easy so I didn't care. I think I'm more upset that I have nobody than that I lost her. I've spent hours and hours sitting around the commons areas at my school hoping to meet a girl to talk to. Most of the time I wouldn't even manage eye contact. Today, while I wasn't even thinking about my problems for a rare moment, I saw a cute, completely approachable looking girl sitting at table. I don't know how I got the guts, but I went over, asked if I could sit down and had a slightly-awkward but overall pretty good chat with her for about 20 minutes. I tried to see if she wanted to get something to eat but she said she was busy, so we parted ways and I regret not at least trying to ask for a number.

I don't know if it's a good idea to be trying to get dates right now or not. The few people I can talk to have completely opposite ideas and I don't even know how I feel. I have extremely huge mood swings, going from joy that I've decided to try and meet people and change my life to complete despair that I'm in the position I'm in.

Another issue is finding new friends. I don't have a lot in common with people and the people I do seem to get along with have tons of other friends they are always busy with, I never get a chance. I'm almost more confident that I could find a new girlfriend than make a single guy friend but I know that won't solve my problems. I'm a math major and I've tried to join the Math and Science clubs at my school but they rarely meet and when they do it's during a time I already have class. I just have no idea where to even find people, let alone befriend them.

I have a date tomorrow with a girl I used to talk to online but never met before in real life. She's moving out of the state in a few weeks so even if it went well I'd probably never see her again. I tell myself it'll be good practice since I've honestly never been on a 'real' date but deep down I know this is a terrible idea, no matter how it goes I'll lose, still I can't stop myself. I'm so sick of sitting at home alone, I have no appetite anymore and I'm dealing with terrible all-night-long bouts of insomnia.

Well, I didn't really ask any questions, I don't even know what questions to ask, but if anyone wants to say anything I'd like to know what you think.

 

[MadMonkè]

Bro... I know exactly how you feel...

that is exactly why I sill am not going to say anything.

 

[Astral_Punisher]

I just want to say, great job for approaching that girl!
It takes guts to go out on a limb and meet new people; especially when it's so out of the blue!
Honestly, if you smile at people, and start conversations with people in a courteous, confident way, I think you'll soon have more acquaintances and friends that you know what to do with.
I also wouldn't worry too much about talking to / meeting people / asking girls out. It's all part of developing a healthy social life, which is a very positive goal, and is useful in developing strong self-esteem.

(As an example, did you think about the pain of your breakup when you had that cute girl chatting you up? Not likely )

And with friends comes the chance to meet even MORE people, which means even more chances to meet that special someone !
I would definitely go on this date. Have a good time - there are really ZERO strings attached if this girl is moving away. Wine and dine, and have a good time. Treat her as a good friend - talk with her in a fun, casual way, and try to engage her in interesting conversation. Take her out to a fun place where you and her can both be comfortable.
If you both hit it off, then great - if not, as you said, you likely won't see her again. This pretty much makes this date a great practice run for later dates (and improving your socializing techniques).

As for sleep, I can completely identify with you. It's like 3AM here as I write this - don't worry about your life or your date - it will sort itself out. Just concentrate on calming the storm inside you, and relaxing when you let your head hit the pillow. Breathe out all the negative energy, and breathe in cool air that will chill the furnace of nervous energy inside you.

Good luck, and remember to post back how it goes !

 

[deprived]

@Astral_Punisher, it's 3am as I write this as well.

I just have no idea where to even find people, let alone befriend them.

I know that feel, bro.