Do girls really, deep down, want guys to approach them?

[Father Jack]

[After pouring my heart out, for the first time ever, I'm just simply done with this website]

 

[silver birch leaves]

Father Jack, I believe you'd be better off taking some courses in gender theory, proper biology and psychology rather than wasting time on 'flirting signalling'

 

[Father Jack]

Or I could take the short cut and come here for answers ...oh, guess not

 

[silver birch leaves]

Don't get me wrong. Asking for advice is absolutely fine and this place is great to do this. I can imagine that your original question may be important for many of us, but the way you delivered it lacks with subtlety and respect. For me it's also highly controversial for some other reasons.

By the way, I'm pretty sure that I've seen similar problems touched upon before on the forums. I can try to look up for them for you.

 

[Father Jack]

What's wrong with how I 'delivered' my question?

 

[Batman55]

Father Jack, in this latest long post of yours, you write about having "three" relationships, and you're able to approach women, and you're still in college. I fail to see where the problem lies.

If you've already had this much success, you don't get to complain

 

[Father Jack]

Yeah, what a whopping success. First one flirting to just flirt, second one was short and awkward as well as the last one. And neither one ended in anything.

So yeah, great results and I've clearly gotten my answer *rolls eyes*

 

[ladyforsaken]

Father Jack, I read what you wrote.. the long post and I personally don't think there's anything wrong. You were sharing your experiences and were questioning certain things you've observed in your past interaction with women. I wish you didn't remove your post.

Sighs.. try not to let people get to you.. sometimes. I need to take this advice too.. but yeah I guess we're all human.

I think Batman55 was just kidding in that last line, right, Batman55?

It probably is success to Batman55 but I think not so much to Father Jack because of what he was wondering about so I guess we should try to be less judgemental and more understanding of each other?

 

[Sci-Fi]

I don't see anything wrong with you original question.

As for what you wrote after and removed, I saw it but didn't really read it since it was so long. I just don't have the attention span for that right now. But glossing over it as I did quickly I have to agree with what LadyF said.

 

[Retrospective81]

Father jack, don't be discouraged ever. Aslong as we are human beings we will always have periods of judging one another, disagreeing, putting one another down and all of us are fallible in some way or another.

There is a lot to be said and valued in lady's post here.

You are here for a reason Father, don't give up just because of a few 'miswords' between people on this form. We all have our stories to tell. Reasons for being who we are and so forth.

 

[Batman55]

I was sarcastic in that last line, sorry if it was taken literally; heck all I do most of the time is complain anyway.

I misinterpreted one of your posts to mean you had been in a relationship or two. I'm not the sharpest tool in the shed and that is my explanation for that.

I still think you're better off than me. You wrote that you were at least able to approach women a few times, even if it feels forced and nerve-wracking. I can't even do that. In fact, I'm not sure if there's even been one time when I actually tried.

Don't leave the forum because of what I or anyone else said.

 

[Midnight Sky]

Approaching girls has never worked for me. I prefer them to approach me. It's happened a few times. If I like a girl, telling them that is the hardest thing in the universe. So I try to express my interest for them in other ways. Sometimes though when I know I have no chance in all hell, I'll be flat out blunt, and still be unsuccessful.

 

[Edward W]

Approaching girls has never worked for me. I prefer them to approach me. It's happened a few times. If I like a girl, telling them that is the hardest thing in the universe. So I try to express my interest for them in other ways. Sometimes though when I know I have no chance in all hell, I'll be flat out blunt, and still be unsuccessful.

My first girlfriend I knew grewing up, she then introduced me to my next one (after we'd broken up obviously! )

My next gf I met via friends and got to know, we were even enagaged at one point, and after we split up she introduced me to my now wife!

So there you go! At least half my gf's have been introduced to me by my previous one!!

 

[Midnight Sky]

That's an interesting journey there.

 

[Sci-Fi]

My first girlfriend I knew grewing up, she then introduced me to my next one (after we'd broken up obviously! )

My next gf I met via friends and got to know, we were even enagaged at one point, and after we split up she introduced me to my now wife!

So there you go! At least half my gf's have been introduced to me by my previous one!!

Sounds like they were passing you around and sharing you. :/ Guess that could be a good thing. Hopefully they weren't comparing notes.

 

[Mike413]

Of course they do. What kind of question is that. What, you think they want to approach men? Even if they do they aren't socially conditioned to do that. That is a fact. As a man you need to learn to deal with that! They won't approach you. Get over it. Yeah it could happen but it's very rare and you can't rely on it. Even super handsome men and celebrities don't get approached. It's not in women's dna to approach men. Just suck it up and go for it. They won't bite you. I promise!

---

Of course they want to. They will however not give you their number. They do it for attention. They smile at you and flirt with you. But when you say hi they turn you down. They got their confirmation.

That's not necessarily true. It might be true in some situations or circumstances like if they have a boyfriend or are married but how do you think they are going to get boyfriends? Of course they have to give their number at some point! But I will agree that if it just some random dude in the street maybe not so much but then again it depends on his game and what he looks like(ie how he's dressed)and how he comes across.

---

Approaching girls has never worked for me. I prefer them to approach me. It's happened a few times. If I like a girl, telling them that is the hardest thing in the universe. So I try to express my interest for them in other ways. Sometimes though when I know I have no chance in all hell, I'll be flat out blunt, and still be unsuccessful.

Hey, good luck with that! Seriously, you're going to need it! But if you want women to approach females what you should do is pretend you know them already. Give them a funny look(ie squint with one eye) and point you're finger at them in a knowing way. Don't tell them you know them though just act that way. Also, smile a lot but not a big toothy grin. Lastly, dress really nice. I mean really nice and wear necklaces and things like that. So now if you do everything I say one out of 100,000 women who sees you might approach you. Hey it might even be one out of ten thousand.

Like I said though, women are not wired to approach men. Think of how nervous and awkward you feel when talking to them. Now times that by one hundred and that's how they feel. Trust me it's much harder for them to approach you(even if she's out going).

 

[StarvingZombie]

They won't approach you. Get over it. Yeah it could happen but it's very rare and you can't rely on it. Even super handsome men and celebrities don't get approached. It's not in women's dna to approach men. Just suck it up and go for it.

So very wrong . They are wired that way , they are hyper competitive. All you need is two , a solo female has little to compete against.
You think men can be competing over a game ? Watch women competing over a weeding dress sale.

I don't approach women as I am intimidating , even in an Armani suit. When I was in school I always had relationships because I star athlete (all state in two sports) , didn't change while playing college football , and both of these paled in comparison to when I got back from service , there is something about dress blues (my best guess is magical fabric). Now that all that is in the past , no I don't get approached ever ,or at least that I notice (I do have a problem actually seeing people in general)

Oh and how many celebrities do you actually know or ,go out and about with ? Rock star beat them off with a stick , Professional athletes are stalked , The film industry stars might have it differently but that's because the girls have to fight through the paparazzi first (/S).

Women have no problem approaching what they deem a victorious catch (one that they know others are also coveting). There is also that thing that they don't actually have to interact the same as Men typically are expected to on the approach. They can just rub up against us and get things started whereas we need to make sure we get everything right the first time (unfortunately that everything is different for each girl).



Then again don't take anything I say as 100% serious , as it relates to my life and not yours , just don't make generalizations as those pertain to everyones lives.

 

[Midnight Sky]

Hey, good luck with that! Seriously, you're going to need it! But if you want women to approach females what you should do is pretend you know them already. Give them a funny look(ie squint with one eye) and point you're finger at them in a knowing way. Don't tell them you know them though just act that way. Also, smile a lot but not a big toothy grin. Lastly, dress really nice. I mean really nice and wear necklaces and things like that. So now if you do everything I say one out of 100,000 women who sees you might approach you. Hey it might even be one out of ten thousand.

Like I said though, women are not wired to approach men. Think of how nervous and awkward you feel when talking to them. Now times that by one hundred and that's how they feel. Trust me it's much harder for them to approach you(even if she's out going).

All the girls I've been with, they came to me first. So good luck with what? It might be different for women 30+, oh and don't let my avatar fool you. I'm ALL man.

Besides. . .I really wanna start off as friends. I need that first and foremost, as I don't have any female friends. A woman will approach men, or other women, when they want to socialize with them. So with that said, no, have not had a lot of luck.

Confidence I lack, I guess. I've approached some a few times. Been laughed to the face, among other things. I just can't do it right, I guess.

 

[Mike413]

Well if you are all man then why are you afraid to approach women? And just exactly how many women have approached you? Maybe you can share how it happened for the rest of us who aren't as fortunate as you.

If you are being laughed at that just means you aren't doing it right but don't worry it's ultimately not about you. I remember once when a woman's friend went to the bathroom I used that as an opportunity to approach a woman just for practice(I was on my way out)so I went up to her and said something "hi I just want to tell you that I think you're very attractive" or something like that. She just gave an awkward laugh and said thanks. I have learned over time to never ever compliment a girl like that especially not on the approach. I've also learned to never offer to buy her a drink(at least not before getting to know her very well). You don't want the first things you say to compliment her appearance or offer to buy her anything. A simple "hey you guys seem cool so I thought I'd come over and say hello" is pretty much all you need to get things started.

 

[EveWasFramed]

They can just rub up against us and get things started whereas we need to make sure we get everything right the first time......

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!