Do girls really, deep down, want guys to approach them?

[EveWasFramed]

No man will be able to truly understand the fairer sex. We'll always try, but we'll never fully succeed. But as long as we try, hopefully they'll appreciate it.

You know...no one ever fully understands another human being.
Sometimes, it's not about understanding - it's about accepting.

I totally agree, but m'dear you are a wonderful yet bizarre species.

lol, I will not disagree with you on that.

 

[Seosa2]

No man will be able to truly understand the fairer sex. We'll always try, but we'll never fully succeed. But as long as we try, hopefully they'll appreciate it.

You know...no one ever fully understands another human being.
Sometimes, it's not about understanding - it's about accepting.

I totally agree, but m'dear you are a wonderful yet bizarre species.

lol, I will not disagree with you on that.

You can't,

 

[EveWasFramed]

No man will be able to truly understand the fairer sex. We'll always try, but we'll never fully succeed. But as long as we try, hopefully they'll appreciate it.

You know...no one ever fully understands another human being.
Sometimes, it's not about understanding - it's about accepting.

I totally agree, but m'dear you are a wonderful yet bizarre species.

lol, I will not disagree with you on that.

You can't,

I can, but I'd be lying. lol
Some woman can certainly be very complicated. You don't NEED to understand us - you just need to love us. lol

 

[Seosa2]

You know...no one ever fully understands another human being.
Sometimes, it's not about understanding - it's about accepting.

I totally agree, but m'dear you are a wonderful yet bizarre species.

lol, I will not disagree with you on that.

You can't,

I can, but I'd be lying. lol
Some woman can certainly be very complicated. You don't NEED to understand us - you just need to love us. lol

But love isn't always enough, is it, the two must go together.

 

[EveWasFramed]

I totally agree, but m'dear you are a wonderful yet bizarre species.

lol, I will not disagree with you on that.

You can't,

I can, but I'd be lying. lol
Some woman can certainly be very complicated. You don't NEED to understand us - you just need to love us. lol

But love isn't always enough, is it, the two must go together.

As I said...rarely does anyone ever fully understand another person.
It's possible to understand someone MOST of the time and given good communication skills, it can certainly happen. There have been times in my life (in a relationship) that I didn't fully understand where my partner was coming from, but I still accepted what they were going through or dealing with. If you think you should ALWAYS understand everything about your partner, I think you're putting way too much responsibility on yourself.

 

[Seosa2]

lol, I will not disagree with you on that.

You can't,

I can, but I'd be lying. lol
Some woman can certainly be very complicated. You don't NEED to understand us - you just need to love us. lol

But love isn't always enough, is it, the two must go together.

As I said...rarely does anyone ever fulyl understand another person.
It's possible to understand someone MOST of the time and given good communication skills, it can certainly happen. There have been times in my life (in a relationship) that I didn't fully understand where my partner was coming from, but I still accepted what they were going through or dealing with. If you think you should ALWAYS understand everything about your partner, I think you're putting way too much responsibility on yourself.

I wouldn't know, I've never had a partner, though I've come close to having one.

Relationships certainly come into this equation, but so does life in general.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

I think the problem lies with this quote:

"Faint of heart never won fair maiden"

It's easy enough to understand that it used to be that way, but I think it has continued that way. If you don't have something to grab attention, like rock star status, you need to be able to pursue women. Shy guys never get anywhere - Uncle Fester was a shy guy in those Addams Family movies, and he was known as "creepy."

 

[Batman55]

I think the problem lies with this quote:

"Faint of heart never won fair maiden"

It's easy enough to understand that it used to be that way, but I think it has continued that way. If you don't have something to grab attention, like rock star status, you need to be able to pursue women. Shy guys never get anywhere - Uncle Fester was a shy guy in those Addams Family movies, and he was known as "creepy."

I'll be devil's advocate for a change and say that women are not always so mysterious, esp. in regards to this impression that Muse has pointed out, which reflects the experience of many guys in this forum and off it...

It's a bit generalizing, for sure, and I'm aware of it... so no pitchforks or torches 'mmmkay?

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

I'm generalizing a bit, but I'm going off of a saying that is literally centuries old. It goes back to medieval times. I believe it was quoted in Renaissance times.

Now, maybe times have changed, and it is no longer accurate? But going by observation, all of the couples I know in real life have one person approaching the other...and in straight couples, it is usually the man.

 

[ardour]

Shy guys never get anywhere - Uncle Fester was a shy guy in those Addams Family movies, and he was known as "creepy."

Perhaps all the shy guys should be sent to some sort of camp.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

Shy guys never get anywhere - Uncle Fester was a shy guy in those Addams Family movies, and he was known as "creepy."

Perhaps all the shy guys should be sent to some sort of camp.

No. People just need to understand shyness.

Shy people are always being judged. I either have to explain I'm shy, and be judged for that, or not explain I'm shy, and have people think I dislike them.

There is no winning when you're shy.

 

[ladyforsaken]

No. People just need to understand shyness.

Shy people are always being judged. I either have to explain I'm shy, and be judged for that, or not explain I'm shy, and have people think I dislike them.

There is no winning when you're shy.

What if you just don't give a damn what they think?

 

[Batman55]

What if you just don't give a damn what they think?

How can you not care what they think, when your own lifelong experience shows you time and time again that women are not interested in you?

Then that forces you to become self-aware in the hopes that you might be able to have some positive impact on what they think, which leads to analyzing the moment in real-time, rather than just living in the moment and letting it flow.

To do the opposite of this would be to keep self-awareness to a minimum and just hope that a woman likes you exactly as you are.. but if that's not happening, then you're probably going to become introspective.

On and on it goes like a vicious cycle...

 

[ardour]

What if you just don't give a damn what they think?

How can you not care what they think, when your own lifelong experience shows you time and time again that women are not interested in you?

Then that forces you to become self-aware in the hopes that you might be able to have some positive impact on what they think, which leads to analyzing the moment in real-time, rather than just living in the moment and letting it flow.

To do the opposite of this would be to keep self-awareness to a minimum and just hope that a woman likes you exactly as you are.. but if that's not happening, then you're probably going to become introspective.

On and on it goes like a vicious cycle...

+1 If you really don't give a damn then you don't give a damn about knowing them better either.

Everything centres around what the other thinks - their consent and active participation is required for a relationship to develop.

I'm guessing what ladyforsaken means is pretending you don't care, convincing yourself in the moment that none of it matters in the hope that conversation will flow more naturally.

 

[ladyforsaken]

I'm guessing what ladyforsaken means is pretending you don't care, convincing yourself in the moment that none of it matters in the hope that conversation will flow more naturally.

Yeah, that's what I meant. Thanks rdor.

 

[Darrell_Licht]

What if you just don't give a damn what they think?

How can you not care what they think, when your own lifelong experience shows you time and time again that women are not interested in you?

Then that forces you to become self-aware in the hopes that you might be able to have some positive impact on what they think, which leads to analyzing the moment in real-time, rather than just living in the moment and letting it flow.

To do the opposite of this would be to keep self-awareness to a minimum and just hope that a woman likes you exactly as you are.. but if that's not happening, then you're probably going to become introspective.

On and on it goes like a vicious cycle...

Eventually, you're going to grow tired with worrying about that..

There's a whole lot of people who aren't worth your time. Some happen to be female.

 

[Lilith]

Yes, I feel flattered every time a guy hits on me.

 

[Alma lost her spoon]

Men don't approach me, they never have.

Either I'm completely 'fugly' or I give off some kind of Stay The **** Away kinna vibe, or maybe I just smell bad lol

On occassion the numbers guy will be drunk enough to chance it without realising but that doesn't really count.

It's been like this my entire adult life(same as a teen too)-I am extremely comfortable with the situation as it means I can go out anywhere without getting hassled.

Previous relationships I've been in, generally I've done the initiating, I'm fine with that.

 

[Minty]

I'd love for guys to approach me but they never do. Well, that's not strictly true. Sometimes they do and then they ask for my friends number!

I don't think I am bad looking, or not interesting or anything and I am generally a positive person but almost all of my female friends are very flirty and in my experience, a guy will only approach if he is after sex and he'll go for the easiest target. I'd love nothing more for a nice guy to approach me and have a good time, good conversation, good laugh....but they don't seem to be interested in that at all.

I find it frustrating because I just never seem to meet anyone to have a relationship with. Are men afraid to approach women? Why?

 

[Triple Bogey]

I'd love for guys to approach me but they never do. Well, that's not strictly true. Sometimes they do and then they ask for my friends number!

I don't think I am bad looking, or not interesting or anything and I am generally a positive person but almost all of my female friends are very flirty and in my experience, a guy will only approach if he is after sex and he'll go for the easiest target. I'd love nothing more for a nice guy to approach me and have a good time, good conversation, good laugh....but they don't seem to be interested in that at all.

I find it frustrating because I just never seem to meet anyone to have a relationship with. Are men afraid to approach women? Why?

I am afraid of approaching women especially in a social setting.
Reasons ? I am a naturally shy person. Fear of the woman saying **** off or laughing at me or maybe ignoring me. Or maybe the conversation dying a death or maybe me making a fool out of myself by saying the wrong thing. Loads of reasons when you think of it.