Do you do things by yourself bc others keep letting you down?

angel_in_view · Jul 16, 2014

Hi eveyone. I always enjoy coming here to ask questions bc I appreciate different points of view.

As I asked in the subject line...do you do things by yourself bc others keep letting you down? I had a friend come to me and ask to start working out w/me. She's had others make fun of her & make her feel uncomfortable in the past, so she quit going w/them. After mapping out a plan, we decided she'd go w/me 2x's a week. Well, for the past month, she's always made an excuse when her days come around. She's either sick, can't find a babysitter, has to work overtime, etc. Don't get me wrong, I have a family too and I know things come up(but each and everytime we're scheduled to go seems suspect). She did it again yesterday. We had talked for 2 hours the previous night about that among various other things. She was so excited to finally be going. She then sends a msg yesterday morning saying she forgot her clothes and needs to reschedule for one day this wknd(she doesn't work in the same city that she lives in).

I'm really starting to get fed up @ this point. I wish she would just be honest. If she's had second thoughts and doesn't want to go w/me anymore, she needs to just say that. I've been getting my workouts in anyway, but its just irritating for someone to act like that. I think the constant backing out just makes her look bad. Up to this point, I haven't confronted her about it, but after the latest episode, I feel that I may have to.

WildernessWildChild · Jul 16, 2014

That's very much summed up a lot of the way I've lived life angel....I simply don't like putting myself in a position where I like to rely on other people (strangely though I have no issue with them relying on me)....I don't really get much 'energy' from others and I don't want them sucking mine.

BTW- if you're looking for a really good routine have a look at Stronglifts 5x5- ladies can modify it to suit their needs (such as starting with less weight). It was a little humiliating to the manly-man ego (lol- I don't really have one btw) to go into the gym initially and start training so light but it simply works. Doing the original program, walking on most of my off days, some diet changes, and almost no booze has seen roughly 30 pounds disappear the last couple of months and I'll be back into a 32" jean size next month. I mentioned it because you don't need a partner if you're self motivated....

Case · Jul 17, 2014

angel_in_view said:
Hi eveyone. I always enjoy coming here to ask questions bc I appreciate different points of view.

As I asked in the subject line...do you do things by yourself bc others keep letting you down? I had a friend come to me and ask to start working out w/me. She's had others make fun of her & make her feel uncomfortable in the past, so she quit going w/them. After mapping out a plan, we decided she'd go w/me 2x's a week. Well, for the past month, she's always made an excuse when her days come around. She's either sick, can't find a babysitter, has to work overtime, etc. Don't get me wrong, I have a family too and I know things come up(but each and everytime we're scheduled to go seems suspect). She did it again yesterday. We had talked for 2 hours the previous night about that among various other things. She was so excited to finally be going. She then sends a msg yesterday morning saying she forgot her clothes and needs to reschedule for one day this wknd(she doesn't work in the same city that she lives in).

I'm really starting to get fed up @ this point. I wish she would just be honest. If she's had second thoughts and doesn't want to go w/me anymore, she needs to just say that. I've been getting my workouts in anyway, but its just irritating for someone to act like that. I think the constant backing out just makes her look bad. Up to this point, I haven't confronted her about it, but after the latest episode, I feel that I may have to.

What gives you the impression that her flakiness has anything to do with you? Many people cancel last minute plans out of fear. I think she's afraid of being made fun of again, and this is a powerful fear to overcome. Give her encouragement and support, and I think she will come around.

angel_in_view · Jul 17, 2014

CASE - Yes, that may be true. However, we've known eachother for almost 10 years and she wanted to start coming w/me bc she knew I would be patient and not make fun of her. During our talks, she said we'd have to go slow bc she hasn't exercised in so long & has gotten lazy. I told her I was just happy that she would be going AT ALL and it would be a good time for us to chat/catch up. I guess it just irritated me bc I wouldn't do that to someone(keep backing out on something).

Case · Jul 17, 2014

angel_in_view said:
CASE - Yes, that may be true. However, we've known eachother for almost 10 years and she wanted to start coming w/me bc she knew I would be patient and not make fun of her. During our talks, she said we'd have to go slow bc she hasn't exercised in so long & has gotten lazy. I told her I was just happy that she would be going AT ALL and it would be a good time for us to chat/catch up. I guess it just irritated me bc I wouldn't do that to someone(keep backing out on something).

I guess you have to determine which is more important; your irritation at her laziness or your friend's overall well-being. Yes. Flakiness sucks because it's a waste of your time and energy. Being irritated also sucks. Then again, fearing ridicule and teasing also sucks. Not being able to muster the emotional strength to will yourself to the gym that first time when you have a negative self image also sucks.

But the main question is this: Now that she has canceled on you several times, what is the end result you would like to achieve here?

If you still want to support her workout attempt, then I see no other pathway than encouragement and understanding. Otherwise, maybe you should just tell her to give you a call when she's finally committed, and you'll be there for her. In the meantime, just keep going to the gym and stop thinking about it.