Do you ever think that maybe you are better off alone?

[roy1986]

I have done a lot of thinking on this matter lately and I'm starting to believe that perhaps I am just better off alone, so it is better to embrace it than fight it.

I honestly don't trust that many people, I have been through so much **** with women and I am pretty much overwhelmed by it.
On the last month, I was searching for a new job and pushed the all dating crap aside till I start working, and now that I am working again and met a new woman, I feel nervous and not for a good reason.

I feel nervous because I noticed that in a way, that if I focus enough on things that I like, I get along pretty well with my loneliness and not having to give any account to any1 in life, other than myself.  Moreover, I simply don't trust people, let alone women who date me, so the thought of getting into a serious committing relationship with some1 gives me the chills, scares the hell out of me.

I wasn't like that 2 years ago, but few women really got me negative on the prospect of getting serious with someone, freaking frightens me. 
am I being weird, or some of you also had the same thought? of embracing it and forget about romantic relationships ?

 

[wallflower79]

I have the same thought sometimes. I think that if you are happy with yourself when you are not in a relationship, then you will find more friends, which in turn may lead into future relationships. That's what I'm trying to focus on right now, and for once it seems to be working for me. I don't think that is a weird thought.

 

[AmytheTemperamental]

I kind of enjoy being queen ***** of my life. I'm not sure I can move over and share that with a partner anymore.

 

[TheRealCallie]

I'm definitely better off alone right now. I'm good with that. I come first, my kids come first. Guys don't have a place in my life right now. They might eventually, but my life is MINE, I'm not sharing that with anyone right now.

 

[Restless soul]

No! This goes against everything the lonley life teaches.

Never again alone!

---

Don't listen to them. Callie has her kids. And amy her cats

 

[AmytheTemperamental]

No! This goes against everything the lonley life teaches.

Never again alone!

---

Don't listen to them.  Callie has her kids. And amy her cats

---

I have cats? Lol.

 

[TheRealCallie]

No! This goes against everything the lonley life teaches.

Never again alone!

---

Don't listen to them.  Callie has her kids. And amy her cats

---

I have cats? Lol.

---

I gave my kids to Amy....

 

[stratamaster78]

I'm starting to lean towards this line of thinking. 9 years ago when I was roughly 29 about to turn 30 I just said to myself "I'm Done" with regards to romantic relationships/dating/hookups. I went into complete retirement from interacting with the opposite *** other than general daily politeness in public. I was 'sort of happy' this way....content I guess.

I was able to avoid complete isolation and loneliness because I still had a few guy friends (some of which had their own girlfriends or wives) to spend time with here and there. But mostly I chose to stay in isolation. Never really leaving the house because I suffer pretty badly from social anxiety. I can handle small groups but large gatherings make my skin crawl with stress and anxiety.

The only thing I CAN do publicly where a lot of eyes can be on me and me not freak out is performing music. I play Guitar and have been in a lot of bands the last 20 years. It's almost a way for me to express myself emotionally in front of others yet I'm safe because that guitar is in front of me like a shield. I can say whatever the **** I want through my playing and I don't give a **** what anyone's opinion is about my playing. They can applaud and cheer or throw stuff on the stage......don't care....I said what I wanted through my music and I'm untroubled by any judgement from others. It's the ONE thing in my life that I KNOW I'm good at and can't feel rejection from.

Then I let my guard down 2 years ago at 36 and dipped my toes back into the whole 'getting to know' a girl, become friends yet being attracted, then flirt, talk, date, become intimate, have a 'relationship', hope for a future with a loving partner and equal etc etc......and just got freaking obliterated.

So yeah I'm back to being "Done". I kind of don't even want friends anymore. I've lost all trust in people and their nature unless they are completely anonymous and neutral in relation to me. I'm not letting anyone 'get to know' me anymore though. I'm starting to feel like my recently deceased Mom is the ONLY person who could understand me and my personality and love me unconditionally. Even with my flaws and mistakes. She was one of those people who not only forgave, but forgave and forgot. No grudges or judgements. She was a shining light in a dark world to me. I'm never going to get that same type of understanding, compassion, and acceptance from anyone else I don't think.

So yeah...maybe I AM better off alone. Well not totally alone....I have my guitars and my music.

 

[ABrokenMan]

I wanna call the shots now. Do what I want, when I want. Doubt most ladies would roll along for the ride, lol!

 

[Meaw]

As of now, I do not wish to be alone, and I really miss the company of both possible friends and a possible partner, however as time passes the ideas I had in my school years (career, discoveries, facts, knowledge, and all of it while completely alone) seems more and more both appealing and possible. I feel the weight of the burnout even more these days, now that I have taken tiny steps to fight it, but I ain't broken yet. Maybe I'll never be.

A side note - I owe to others to not be a wreck if they'd hang out with me, but I also feel that the better I get, the less I'll need the company of anyone else. I fear I'll be a recluse again if I make it out of the burnout. Well, time might tell. I also feel annoyed by how I was never enough, which brings up thoughts along the lines of "if I wasn't good enough for people when I did my best, then why would I care to be with them later?"

 

[TheSkaFish]

I don't think I am better off single. I don't want to be, and haven't wanted to be for a while. It was okay when I was in my late teens and early 20s but now I want to know what I've been missing out on. I don't want this life experience to pass me by. But I guess I have other things to resolve that are keeping me from being my best. I don't think I have enough to offer someone else yet, because I am still trying to find myself.

 

[ardour]

You can't tell how much better off you might be without having had at least some experience first. Without that (my situation), the statement amounts to little more than a comforting rationalization. For someone else, it may be true.

 

[Serenia]

The older I get I like the idea of romantic companionship, having own homes etc, but still a commited relationship with the best parts.

 

[michael2]

Depends on how I measure up in a relationship

I understand that a relationship requires both parties to give of themselves, whereas single life requires, in comparison, no sacrifices

In short, I feel a relationship offers much greater happiness potential then single life, but it also requires much more of you, whereas the single life is more 'relaxing' and easy, but with less potential for happiness. I feel alot of people get into relationships and still try to live the 'single life' by not putting in the work required, and become frustrated and less happy then they were when they were truly single. These people are not ready for a relationship. I hope Im not that person, but I can never really know until I get into a relationship.

 

[Xpendable]

You can't tell how much better off  you might be without having had at least some experience first.  Without that (my situation), the statement amounts to little more than a comforting rationalization. For someone else, it may be true.

Pretty much.

 

[ardour]

In short, I feel a relationship offers much greater happiness potential then single life, but it also requires much more of you, whereas the single life is more 'relaxing' and easy, but with less potential for happiness.  I feel alot of people get into relationships and still try to live the 'single life' by not putting in the work required, and become frustrated and less happy then they were when they were truly single.  These people are not ready for a relationship.  I hope Im not that person, but I can never really know until I get into a relationship.

Elaborating on that: Single life offers a lower potential for happiness, but it's a guaranteed kind of happiness; you can always have your hobbies, interests, and enough spare time to enjoy them without anyone there to judge you if you want to spend a Saturday afternoon in your boxers and t-shirt gaming or watching movies.

Relationships offer an all-round more fulfilling existence, but require major emotional investment, all the while being reconciled to the the possibility of it ending at any time. There aren't any social mores left the compel people to stick together beyond the point where they stop being happy 24/7. Yet, knowing this, you still need to commit and trust this person who effectively owns your self-esteem.   

I don't want society to return to the stage where women were expected to settle at 22 and stay in the domestic sphere, men went out to work, and they stuck it out for life no matter how miserable they might have been. On the other hand I'm not sure I could deal with the reality that, after having been together however long someone could just leave without a second thought, those years together feeling like a black hole in my life. Maybe it is better being unattractive and awkward.

 

[TheRealCallie]

Depends on how I measure up in a relationship

I understand that a relationship requires both parties to give of themselves, whereas single life requires, in comparison, no sacrifices

In short, I feel a relationship offers much greater happiness potential then single life, but it also requires much more of you, whereas the single life is more 'relaxing' and easy, but with less potential for happiness.  I feel alot of people get into relationships and still try to live the 'single life' by not putting in the work required, and become frustrated and less happy then they were when they were truly single.  These people are not ready for a relationship.  I hope Im not that person, but I can never really know until I get into a relationship.

Depends on the relationship. You have more than just those that get into a relationship to be in a relationship.

 

[DarkSelene]

Yet, knowing this, you still need to commit and trust this person who effectively owns your self-esteem.   

Please don't get in a relationship without a trace of self-esteem and thinking your partner owns it. That's a codependent relationship at it's best, and the recipe for turning into an emotionally unstable, disastrous wreck of human being if things went a way you weren't expecting or didn't want to happen.

 

[ardour]

Yet, knowing this, you still need to commit and trust this person who effectively owns your self-esteem.   

Please don't get in a relationship without a trace of self-esteem and thinking your partner owns it. That's a codependent relationship at it's best, and the recipe for turning into an emotionally unstable, disastrous wreck of human being if things went a way you weren't expecting or didn't want to happen.

It was an overstatement. It's going to be an inevitable part of most relationships. How one person feels towards the other will affect that person's self-esteem.

 

[GrayAndLonesome]

HELLL NOOOO!!!

I am never ever better off alone.

No effing way!

Roy, listen, you need to pick up your game and somehow go online, do some dating, or go out to the shopping mall and order some food and chat with some of the female workers.

How old are you, BTW?

Alright, while I don't make a thread for all of my relationships I've had, I did go to a shopping mall last week Friday, saw this attractive girl working at a shoe store, I was in some good clothes, and no, I did not bother to get her phone number. But I did have a good time chatting with her.

I have worked in nursing homes in the past, and I will tell you guys, when you get old, you want to have somebody to be with, somebody to come and visit you.

You don't want to be the old lonely guy or woman lying in bed, sh-tting in his or her diapers, and the employees let you lay there because no family members come to visit you.

This is the kind of scenario that I highly dread, and which is why I'm highly ambitious to find a girlfriend and get married soon (and of course have kids, etc.).

I hate coming home from work, nobody to talk to. Yeah, I can text my friends, but they work regular schedule during the day time. I want to have kids to play with, I want to have a wife to chat with, sleep with, etc.

So no, lonely life is a big no-no for myself.

But if that's your cup of tea, well, then enjoy your quiet solitude life.