Does the thought of nobody showing up at your funeral bother you?

[ardour]

So I have one relative left, 73, and I'm pretty sure nobody will be at my.... internment (?) I'd be very surprised if any acquaintances or so-called friends bothered.

I came across this post on Quora which sums up the mentality a lot of people have towards this.

Funerals are for the living, not the dead.

It's for the people you touched throughout your life, the friendships and relationships you created, for your family, both born and chosen. There's no counter, but the number of people who show up is a good indication of how many people cared. How bright you made the world, and an affirmation of how much darker it is now that you're gone. Even if it's just one person sobbing over the casket and the priest (if you so desire), you still made one person's life better by being in it.

An empty funeral is a wasted life. Someone, something, that brought nothing into this world. No one wants to admit they were a waste of space- or that both life and death were and are lonely. You left the same earth you were born onto, sans the resources your meaningless existence took up.

Your life was just a passing thought.

That would terrify anyone

I find it terrifying people think this way. As if ending up alone for reasons outside our control weren't common. Or that popularity and decency/kindness are inexorably linked.

This is how lonely people are viewed. Worthless wastes of space who deserve to be forgotten.

 

[Bam111]

I hope that when you are remembered by those who you have impacted, if going to your funeral would be a sign that you impacted someone, I hope that you will have that honor that you seek to be remembered by. I remember every one of my family members that has passed on and even some that I met while living in not so good situations in life (poverty) they died before their time, and I tried to go to as many funerals as I could, but I could not go to all does that mean I don't remember them? I don't know (I feel) like the memory of them lives on through the family and friends they shared their life's with (I didn't know that humanity felt like that.) When my younger brother passed away, I carried his casket with my family he was like a son to me, I raised him do I visit his grave as much as I want to (no) I feel that it's a reminder that he is gone (I feel) a connection with him still in my heart. My mother visits his grave every other day for the last 3-4 years of his passing she is still tortured by his loss (is this how he wants to be remembered?) idk I can't ask him I understand what you're saying I just never thought about it like that (thanks for giving me something to think about.) Have a good day.

 

[TropicalStarfish]

I don't think that's, 'how lonely people are viewed,' heh. That's just some opinion from quora... Funerals are just expensive wastes of time in themselves mostly. Coffins are wicked expensive, and even cremations and urns are too. It's not even legal, here, to be buried naturally among the elements. If I had loved ones, I'd almost just expect them not to pay for that bullshit, and let the ******** figure out what to do with my body, lol.

I suppose it doesn't really bother me that no one may come to my funeral, assuming I even get to have one. I quite often feel no one even knows who I am now.

Question for me is, while I have existed at all?

I don't think so...

Maybe I don't really understand what it means to be seen. Or I just haven't noticed when it happened... Death is a big enough thing to contend with. I'm not going to worry about what some one who thinks a funeral is important, thinks. heh.

I used to fantasize about what music I'd want played at my funeral, lol. How silly...

Lots of silly people on the internet. Join the club and move on.

 

[user 139760]

Hell no.
Get off my lawn!

 

[CenotaphGirl]

I think you’re right, when you are a lonely person you are often seen as a waste to society. But honestly funeral numbers have no real mystic meaning like the opinion said, im sure my funeral will be full of people who give zero cares about me, just like my wedding. Freeloaders there for the free food and the alcohol, and maybe to have one last glance at the poor girl they hated for no reason.

 

[TropicalStarfish]

I think you’re right, when you are a lonely person you are often seen as a waste to society. But honestly funeral numbers have no real mystic meaning like the opinion said, im sure my funeral will be full of people who give zero cares about me, just like my wedding. Freeloaders there for the free food and the alcohol, and maybe to have one last glance at the poor girl they hated for no reason.

heh, reminds me of those movies where the protagonist would show up at random funerals, just for kicks, or to get some free food, lol. Seems like that'd be something fun to do with some one. "Hey wanna crash a funeral today?" "eh, sure, why not."

 

[dan27]

My life's mine...so is my end.
If folks aren't with you now, what's a funeral matter?
Rock 'til ya Drop...is my motto

 

[CenotaphGirl]

heh, reminds me of those movies where the protagonist would show up at random funerals, just for kicks, or to get some free food, lol. Seems like that'd be something fun to do with some one. "Hey wanna crash a funeral today?" "eh, sure, why not."

I have to go to funerals with my mum sometimes and the old “but I didnt know them” line is never enough to get me out of it

 

[ardour]

I think you’re right, when you are a lonely person you are often seen as a waste to society. But honestly funeral numbers have no real mystic meaning like the opinion said, im sure my funeral will be full of people who give zero cares about me, just like my wedding. Freeloaders there for the free food and the alcohol, and maybe to have one last glance at the poor girl they hated for no reason.

Leave instructions in your will - cucumber sandwiches and no alcohol!

 

[CenotaphGirl]

Leave instructions in your will - cucumber sandwiches and no alcohol!

Lool my funerals already paid for, go big or go home

 

[Adamridge79]

fresia the funeral...burn me and dance. ******* children

 

[TheRealCallie]

I don't really care if anyone shows up at my funeral. Not really sure I even want a funeral. Who cares, I'll be dead.

But, I would like to remind you guys that you aren't dead yet. There is no reason you can't still find some connections with people.

 

[NoxApex(N/A)]

It used to when I was younger, but it doesn't anymore.
A lot of the people I love are already dead.
Most of the living are either emotionally or intellectually already dead anyway.
I have always had a very personal, intimate relationship with the idea of my death.
It isn't for others to understand, and it's a private and personal understanding.
I'm not suicidal anymore, thankfully, but rather...
I'd rather die fighting to survive in life, than in any other way.
What I've learned about interpersonal relationships in the last 20 years is that just because something makes sense to me, does not mean it will make sense to someone else. And more often times than not, it's outside of their perspective of comprehension and correlation due to strong convictions and confirmation biases.
It's actually why I don't like the idea of attachments and complications:
Because the more attached and complicated I am to things and people, the more compromised my narrative is accordingly.
And the fact of the matter is, I refuse to let my mind, narrative and life be hijacked, exploited and used by others.
I am peaceful in my detachment, able to control myself better.
But in attachment with compromise, I hold said things and people under a high-resolution microscope, and I will likely massively overreact, falter, and break protocol when my investments into those things and people do not work out.
So because I do not like "going through it" like that, I stay single and limit my social interaction so that I can maintain a state of mental detachment from both predatory marketing techniques that exploit people through psychological warfare to get them to invest into materialism, as well as emotional attachment from people, as I very often expect them to leave, quit, die, move away, move on, or find someone else.
But in the praxeology of detachment, I own my own mind and it is mine to train, expand, rewrite, challenge, and shift.
The thing is, it's about the self control factor for me.
If I mess up my life in solidarity it's on me, that's okay, and I can learn to fix and manage it.
But if there are external factors beyond my control, I cannot promise the tempering of another sentient being anymore than I can promise the tempering of honesty from corporations (or lack thereof).

 

[constant stranger]

My tombstone is already in place. My consciousness will be transitioning to the next world and my earthly remains will be cremated and the mortician is instructed to neatly dig out a section of sod, scoop out enough soil for the ashes to fit into the hole and then replace the sod. There might be a few people there to bid goodbye and good luck on my journey. The only prayer I've asked to be said is, 'May he find the contentment and belonging in the next world that he didn't find in this one'.
It's good enough for me.

 

[Claudia1794]

The last time I thought about a funeral was the first time my sister had cancer and it was hers not mine and it was because she had all these instructions. Just as a jab I told her if she died I was going to just bury her in my mothers backyard with all the animals we've buried over the years. After a little inquiring, I discovered a person can be buried on the property of the family home. One only has to establish a cemetery on the property and a well detailed map of where the remains will go. A funeral pyre is not doable unfortunately. I did tell my son to burn me, have a drink, and play some Cake Bake Betty. My sister has had cancer twice since then, but all that funeral talk has been settled. Wow...I drifted. No, I couldn't give two shits if anyone even knows when I die. I don't want a funeral. What's the point i'll be dead. Or I guess someone could say 'Brightside is she can now be in a room full of people without losing her honeysuckle'

 

[Finished]

Nope. I don't know why anybody would.

 

[4No1]

No, not at all. Can I be left alone after all?

Also I'd like to be buried by the goverment, I want something from them, otherwise what for do I pay the taxes? That is what I should write in a will - leave me to the goverment, I won't care about the quality of my grave at that time.

Funeral is sad - I don't want anyone I care about to take a part in it. And I don't see any use in all this.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

No, not at all. Can I be left alone after all?

Also I'd like to be buried by the goverment, I want something from them, otherwise what for do I pay the taxes? That is what I should write in a will - leave me to the goverment, I won't care about the quality of my grave at that time.

Funeral is sad - I don't want anyone I care about to take a part in it. And I don't see any use in all this.

I didn't know if putting a laughing emoji would be rude but I did chuckle at "can I be left alone after all" loool

 

[Butterfly 2]

"Give me my flowers while I'm living" used to be a saying many years ago. I'm not convinced that we get to look down or pop in to our funerals since our souls will already be gone. I would find it much nicer if people were just kind to me while I am right here, body and soul.

We used to have huge funerals since we both had a lot of relatives. I came from a small family, but had a lot of uncles, aunts, and cousins.but my husband's family was a family of 10 and he also had a lot of relatives. Their prayer service would be the evening before and that was always a tearjerker and then of course the funeral was the following day and I always hated it when they carried the coffin out of the church for the last time. Then everyone drove to the cemetery to tell them goodbye and then head back to the church to eat. Many people
would come because it was a social gathering and you would hear the same things you heard at the last funeral. When relatives came from afar, everyone would say they didn't see each other since Uncle so and so's funeral and we have to start getting together more often and it just never happens. I think funerals are expensive and they cause more grief than necessary and the soul of the loved one is already at its destination.

Long story short, I chose to not even have a small service in the funeral home for my soulmate that I just lost because whenever we had a loss, we went through it together and he wasn't here for me this time. I have no doubt there would have probably been a couple of dozen people there, but not the hundreds that used to come to funerals years ago. Most of our loved ones are gone and have been for years. A lot of our friends that we had through the years are also gone. I asked that he be cremated and got a beautiful urn for him and it is right here at home with me.

So I guess since I am the survivor, I am going to make the final decisions myself. I also will be cremated, but no urn. Do you remember the song by Kansas from 1997? "Dust in the wind."When I pass on, I'm leaving instructions that is what happens to my remains and my husband's remains. If I end up living a few more years, there would be no one who would show up anyway. I doubt if my soul will care because I will be reunited with my Maker and my loved ones.

 

[Tiina63]

Having noone at my funeral used to bother me until I had a brain aneurysm and, as I was being wheeled down to the operating theatre, all I could think of was the journey into death which I might be about to take. It really brought home to me that this journey and where I go next (I believe in God and heaven) is far more important to me than who might or might not come to my funeral. After all, it would only be my physical shell there. Having said this, I think that worrying who will be at our funeral is a symptom of feeling we don't matter to people while we are here. This does worry me and have often felt I don't really matter in the way that those with a loving family matter.