does your family know about your lonliness?

[sameoldsameold]

My family really have no idea. I would love to have the kind of relationship with my family where this is possible, unfortunately I know that nothing is ever held in confidence, so telling one is like telling the entire world. And then you have to deal with the sympathy from extended family and I simply can't deal with that.

 

[leftalone]

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i was just wondering if your family knows how lonely you are and what they do to help you? i study abroad and it is easy to hide the fact that i am so lonely here and how much i wish i can come back. i don't know how they will react if they find out that i spend most of my days crying, and everytime they call, i spend another few hours crying once they hang up. they think i am happy here and that i have great friends, but i am depressed and i think its affecting my studies greatly.

i dont know if i should confide in my parents that i am sad and alone because i doubt they will understand and will make me feel even more lonely

Hey Butterfly I am sure if u tell ur parents they will not understand because they have their own different kinda concept. I would suggest you that try to make new friends, try to interact with someone whom you dont know coz its damn easy to speak out to a person whom you do not know. This will give u a big relief. And I am sure that you wont feel lonely again.

 

[Eagle Vision]

Hi. I'm new!

I want to say that just like you I'm lonely as well and no my family doesn't know about it. i'm 30 years old, no job, and still live at home, and I suffer from depression. The only people i talk to are my family and my niece mentioned once that i needed to get out more cause I have no friends. so maybe she has an idea, but I doubt she really knows how lonely I really am or even the suicidal thoughts I have had over the years.

I don't think i will ever tell my family because there is nothing any of them can do for me at this point. My brother has his own life, my niece is preparing to leave for college soon, and my mother is a part of the reason why I am depressed. I love her but our relationship is just a cycle of co dependency that has to stop. She has all her money tied into my bank account and I pay all her bills through that. i'm responsible for making desposits from the money she gives me. I want her to finally put her name as a co account owner so that she can handle these things on her own because I want to MOVE out of state! a joint bank account is something I would imagine having with a husband, not my able bodied mother.

She has mentioned more than once that she wants me to stay a child forever, and when i told her of my plans to use my school money (from left over financial aid) to move she made it clear that she doesn't want me to go and continue to put off at least adding her name to the account. i don't mind continuing to pay her bills online but she will not be able to make anymore desposits when i'm in another state, which means that once she runs out of money she better open her own account. We're supposed to go on vacation in Orlando next month to celebrate my niece getting out of school and this when i plan to not return home. I'm already trying to look for apartments and jobs online....sadly i've been unemployed for years, and have no friends at all so I don't know of my chances. I only have two months worth of rent but I can't work here because i have no transportation and driver's license. I have lived a terribly sheltered life and I have to end this one way or another.

I have lurked around other similar boards trying to muster the courage to post something. But, typically threads like this would be full of people saying that telling your family is best (which cause me to chicken out) but honestly there are some things a family cannot do. I want friends around my own age, I want to work and become an independent person, I want to find love, get married, and have children one day. all of my former friends have done something with their lives, living in other states, and have families and I feel so left behind. I just think that if I fail with moving out I would be here for another ten+ years, living out my life with my mother and if that is the case i don't want to live cause my life would be meaningless.

P.S. Let me add that I don't hat emy mother nor blame her completely for the way my life turned out. i allowed myself to become used to this life and most of my hurt and anger is directed at myself. Her only fault lies in her inability to let go and her controlling nature, but once I became an adult I should have worked harder to leave. I don't know if it's too late but if I have to apply for every fast food joint I can ride a bike to I will.

Sorry for the long vent.

 

[dorky76]

@eagle, wow dude thanks for putting things in perspective for me. I know its kind of cruel that I have to look at the way you suffer to make me feel better about myself, but I appreciate your courage to write about your story. My situation is not nearly as bad as yours. I have a caring and supporting mother that I get along great with. My father and I don't get along at all, our personalities are too similar and we clash all the time. Again, thanks for putting things in perspective for me.

 

[putter65]

My Dad occasionally tells me to 'find a woman' - this is usually when I get in a bad mood on the golf course. My Mam used to tell me to 'go out and meet somebody' . Now she doesn't bother, probably given up. I think they realize I don't mix with other people much and I don't like group situations.

 

[lonelyfairy]

yes, my family know that i'm lonely and they try to encourage me that i find new friends... they dont understand completely why im lonely. :/

 

[Mellz Bellz]

Luckily I have a great relationship with my parents especially since I moved out on my own. We were really starting to snip at each other (especially my Dad and I) so I think we needed our space. That being said, they do know about some of my lonilness. They understand about all my friends here being married and how I am sometimes unknowingly excluded. I know that I can call them anytime. Still, I do not know if they truly understand how I feel at times.

 

[Broken_Doll]

My family has no idea... I can't talk to my brother, father or sister, and I certainly can't talk to my mother about it (my mother is the reason I'm running away, the reason why I'm on antidepressants, the reason why I think I'm worthless etc.)...

The only person I ever really talk to about my problems is my counselor, except that's getting to be too expensive.

 

[Lawrens]

They know I'm a loner (who doesn't?), but they don't know if I feel lonely or depressed, but then we never talk about anything. I don't know how to talk to them anyway nor would it really help.

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@Eagle Vision, nice post, I thought you sounded really positive and you seem to know exactly where you want to be headed, I'm sure you'll find your way, I hope you could get employed and move out.

 

[Firefly]

To be honest, I'm not sure if my family know or not.
It seems like it should be obvious to them as I never talk about any friends or going out with people etc. But then they'll say something which makes me think that they don't realise at all.
There's only my mum and dad and we have a great relationship but I just don't want to upset them. I was all set to tell my mum a couple of weeks ago but circumstances transpired against me and it didn't happen. However, I know my mum would want to know so I hope to speak with her soon.

 

[Ender]

Sort of. My brother knows that I get lonely sometimes.

My dad used to tease me about getting a girlfriend when I was younger. Now, he's given up and doesn't talk anymore about it.

My mom assumed that I just don't need people at all growing up....

 

[rosebud]

No, I don't think anyone has a clue. People around me think I'm a happy fvcking camper.

 

[break-my-heart]

I'm pretty sure they do but they haven't confronted me about it. If I was to bring it up myself, they would disown me lol I am not kidding. They'd probably say something like that's pathetic and embarrassing.

 

[Fragile]

Yes they do. They just don't give a **** about me.