Don't Know What To Feel

[RealRecognizeReal]

I'm so disappointed in those I call friends. It's like I always give more than what I get back. I see how other people's friendships are and envy it. I guess mine are just temporary. Why can't I have friendships like that? Can't help but think maybe I'm supposed to be a loner although I hate being alone. Even when I've had "friends" it's seemed like I've been alone. I hate my life!!!! Nothing interesting about it, guess that's why I rather live in my few but good memories. Sad, yes I know. Honestly I don't live a life I survive it everyday. It's hard to explain the feeling I have inside me. All I can say is it's very overwhelming and wish I could rip it out. Happiness what is that because I don't know what it feels like. If there were only a way to get rid of this unexplainable feeling, kinda like washing away dirt. I feel like I'm headed in a downward spiral and don't know what to do. I even think I might be bipolar because my moods change easily. Both my mind and emotions are my enemy. That's only the beginning, there is much more. Don't know who to confide in without feeling judged or like they just don't care to understand you.

 

[perfanoff]

I'm sorry to hear that real. Most of us want to be understood and appreciated, but it doesn't always happen. What caused this downward spiral for you? Is it the everyday routine? The world lost its colors? Or losing someone?

 

[Tiina63]

Do you think that maybe you give too much in an attempt to make people like you and to want you as a friend? Sometimes when we do this, it makes others back away as they sense our neediness, or it causes them to walk on us as they know that we won't retaliate incase we lose them.

 

[RealRecognizeReal]

Yes it's pretty much an everyday routine..I may have a day or so where I'll be fine but anything can set me off. Yea the world has lost its color. for me

I'm sorry to hear that real. Most of us want to be understood and appreciated, but it doesn't always happen. What caused this downward spiral for you? Is it the everyday routine? The world lost its colors? Or losing someone?

---

No Tiina I don't give too much. I give what an average person would give. My attitude has always been I don't care if you like me or not, still is. I don't need a million friends.

Do you think that maybe you give too much in an attempt to make people like you and to want you as a friend? Sometimes when we do this, it makes others back away as they sense our neediness, or it causes them to walk on us as they know that we won't retaliate incase we lose them.