Embracing Loneliness

[A Guy]

A little about me: 56, in good shape, I look a decade younger, plenty of money, good sense of humor, etc.

When I think of the future, it means I'm thinking roughly 4 hours ahead. That's about it.

That's how bad it is. I never go anywhere or do anything. Most of my friends have faded away. I live in a nice, big place by myself with very few visitors. This place used to host big parties, but no more.

I feel invisible.

I am in a toxic, controlling, VERY unsatisfying, platonic, relationship with someone who lives 11 miles away. We talk a lot by phone and get together a few nights a week. I see her as mostly an interruption, but I also feel sorry for her. She is very lonely. She recently went through breast cancer treatment, the death of her father, a broken arm, and other problems.

She spies on me, has managed to hack into my voicemail and e-mail, and ALWAYS knows about those rare times when I call or e-mail another woman or, even rarer, when someone visits.

I'm a normal guy, and sometimes I'd like to have to contact, which I have been caught dishonestly doing in the past. But that has been so stressful that I have given up trying to contact any other women

I feel like I'm in emotional quicksand. I can't break out of this. Recently I have found myself going on eating binges. I come home to an empty place after being in front of a computer by myself all day at work. What do I do? I sit in front of a computer, surfing the net.

I feel absolutely empty, isolated, hopeless, and lonely. Every week is the same.

I have another longterm female friend, older than me, who I see twice on the weekend for coffee, once for dinner, and then go shopping with on Sunday AM - like clockwork. That makes me feel even more trapped. Nothing will change unless I change it, and I'm not strong enough.

But rather than fight this mess, I am thinking it's better to just go with it. We can't have everything in life. Maybe it's better to appreciate the things we have and just realize that we can't have it all!

 

[isthatso]

Sounds like you are chasing them off. (females). Be grateful. Most of us can't even get that far.

re embracing loneliness...this is the key I reckon. We need to find a way of appreciating our privacy, think of all the advantages of being alone. If you look happier, you are ironically more likely to attract someone anyway.

 

[SophiaGrace]

She spies on me, has managed to hack into my voicemail and e-mail, and ALWAYS knows about those rare times when I call or e-mail another woman or, even rarer, when someone visits.

This sounds like she's trying to control you in a very unhealthy controlling obsessive invasive disrespectful fashion.

 

[Seeker]

When a woman doesn't trust you and continually pressures you, don't you think that this is what makes you feel trapped? I have had this kind of girlfriend before, so i understand how you feel. My suggestion would be to talk to her about this, and whatever happens happens. She will either try to behave, which will make this relationship more bearable, or continue her ways, in which case it will be your choice of whether you think this relationship benefits you or not, and act accordingly.