Glass Onion
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- Joined
- May 2, 2011
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Greetings,
Forums are pretty foreign to me, but I thought I'd give this one a go for a lack of better options... And probably because I feel insignificant right now in the face of much more important things taking place, such as Bin Laden's death, the Canadian election, and the Royal Wedding last Friday.
I'm a 22 year-old third-year medical student, located in Montreal. To put it simply, I'm a solitary person, with few close friends, no girlfriend (never had one), and a family that just collapsed. My bout of loneliness and semi-depression started two years ago, when I had a crush on a fellow classmate who was super nice to me. I bought her some croissants from a local bakery, after she told me that she liked them after I brought them to a seminar one morning. At the very least, I thought it would make her happy and that she would want to get to know me better. After a month though, she became cold with me and started going out with someone else. That was a while ago, so since then I don't approach women the same way. Needless to say, I felt horrible and avoided her for months.
Around the same time, a lot of my friends, who are very busy people, fell into relationships and started spending less time with me. I decided that I needed to "work on myself" (I'm not sure how great that piece of self-help was). I started studying music theory, taking guitar lessons, and picked up saxophone again after abandoning for several years. I began to expand my CD, book, and DVD collection. I stopped studying at home, and began to frequent cafés. I started building plastic models. As a longtime vegetarian, I began to take animal rights more seriously, and began reading more on the subject and started volunteering for the cause. I tried to keep myself busy and be as independent as possible. I even reduced the frequency of my trips home to Quebec City. Finally, after the croissant-girl incident, I simply approached people with a friendly smile and not come on too strong, only to be met by "I don't have any more room for friends in my life" and so on.
Two years have passed, and no matter what I do, I'm not getting any results. I have virtually no one in my life, and I spend my evenings alone. I'm naturally nice and caring, and that seems to alienate me more than anything else. I've been constantly telling myself that I deserve better, but I constantly question that now. When I try to be vocal about my loneliness, people just dismiss me. Even my own mother won't listen, yet she'll say in the same breath that Prince William looks like a "fantastic man" and deserves love, and she doesn't even know him! My dad used to call me "weak-willed" and never gave me any advice, yet since his recent separation from my mom, he's been calling looking for an empathetic ear.
... I suppose this post is more of a rant than anything, but still, the big question is "what now?". I'm running out of options as to what I can do to overcome loneliness. Even online dating or internet pen pal services aren't working; for the latter, no one has even looked at my profile once, and it's been on the site for more than a week. Maybe I'm naturally unattractive. I don't know anymore... Anyone have thoughts on what else I can do?
Forums are pretty foreign to me, but I thought I'd give this one a go for a lack of better options... And probably because I feel insignificant right now in the face of much more important things taking place, such as Bin Laden's death, the Canadian election, and the Royal Wedding last Friday.
I'm a 22 year-old third-year medical student, located in Montreal. To put it simply, I'm a solitary person, with few close friends, no girlfriend (never had one), and a family that just collapsed. My bout of loneliness and semi-depression started two years ago, when I had a crush on a fellow classmate who was super nice to me. I bought her some croissants from a local bakery, after she told me that she liked them after I brought them to a seminar one morning. At the very least, I thought it would make her happy and that she would want to get to know me better. After a month though, she became cold with me and started going out with someone else. That was a while ago, so since then I don't approach women the same way. Needless to say, I felt horrible and avoided her for months.
Around the same time, a lot of my friends, who are very busy people, fell into relationships and started spending less time with me. I decided that I needed to "work on myself" (I'm not sure how great that piece of self-help was). I started studying music theory, taking guitar lessons, and picked up saxophone again after abandoning for several years. I began to expand my CD, book, and DVD collection. I stopped studying at home, and began to frequent cafés. I started building plastic models. As a longtime vegetarian, I began to take animal rights more seriously, and began reading more on the subject and started volunteering for the cause. I tried to keep myself busy and be as independent as possible. I even reduced the frequency of my trips home to Quebec City. Finally, after the croissant-girl incident, I simply approached people with a friendly smile and not come on too strong, only to be met by "I don't have any more room for friends in my life" and so on.
Two years have passed, and no matter what I do, I'm not getting any results. I have virtually no one in my life, and I spend my evenings alone. I'm naturally nice and caring, and that seems to alienate me more than anything else. I've been constantly telling myself that I deserve better, but I constantly question that now. When I try to be vocal about my loneliness, people just dismiss me. Even my own mother won't listen, yet she'll say in the same breath that Prince William looks like a "fantastic man" and deserves love, and she doesn't even know him! My dad used to call me "weak-willed" and never gave me any advice, yet since his recent separation from my mom, he's been calling looking for an empathetic ear.
... I suppose this post is more of a rant than anything, but still, the big question is "what now?". I'm running out of options as to what I can do to overcome loneliness. Even online dating or internet pen pal services aren't working; for the latter, no one has even looked at my profile once, and it's been on the site for more than a week. Maybe I'm naturally unattractive. I don't know anymore... Anyone have thoughts on what else I can do?
... I again admit that two years ago, I was terrible with women. When I gave her the croissants, she took it pretty well. Afterwards, I would wait a week before approaching her again, as I didn't want to scare her off. This one time, I approached her during a break from a lecture on electrocardiograms. She sounded distant and just kept nervously flipping her notes instead looking me in the eye and offhandedly saying things like commenting on an EKG pattern or on how many slides were left in the lecturer's presentation. It was not that she ignored me, but she would often say things out of the blue that were irrelevant to the conversation topics I brought up. Another time, she stopped in front of me in the hallway, looked blankly over my shoulder, said "Have a good weekend", and walked off. I thought she was talking to someone behind me, but there was no one. One day, I approached her in the hallway after a lecture on heart failure, and I started asking her how she was doing (she had a slight flu at the time). She gave really short and nervous answers, started fumbling in her bag haphazardly, pulled out her phone and said: "I have to call my boyfriend", and ran off before I could say anything. That's when I started feeling horrible and avoided her.
