Fate

[TheSolitaryMan]

Okay, I'm not a superstitious sort at all, but does anyone else ever feel like circumstance (or what some would deem "fate") constantly conspires against them when it comes to romance?

I'm starting to wonder if it's not so much my fault for not asking out girls I like as for the fact that somehow something always happens to destroy my chances

First there was Girl A, back when I was 17. Girl A was super friendly, really attractive and very switched on and intelligent. She also had a great sense of humour. I found it extremely easy to talk to her and was just starting to think about asking her out when...I got transferred to another equivalent course by some random Admin person.

Fast forward a year of not seeing her. At a big party after which everyone will be going seperate ways, I realise I still like her. So I go to ask her out aaand...a drunken "friend" comes from nowhere and starts semi-brawling with me. I spent the rest of the night trying to get him to stop acting like an idiot and keep him safe. My last shot with that girl disappears forever meanwhile and I spend the rest of the night bitterly sat on my own, staring into the sky.

Then there's Girl B. Girl B was really cute and started showing a lot of interest in me about 2 days away from a 8 week long break from Uni. During that 8 week break, she apparently got a boyfriend. Fail #2.

Girl C really liked me back when I was 14 or so. She was also another girl who really seemed like my type, but back then I was too young to even be into girls really! Anyway, when I went to Uni I lost touch and so put her out of my mind for the last 6 years, occasionally just chatting with her as friends.

All this time, she was single, which I marvelled at. I thought "****, I wish we saw each other more now." and even a bit of "She'd be a nice girl to hang around with."

Then, about three months back, she suddenly messaged me to say she's coming to study at the same place as me. I gave a warm reply and bumped into her a few times on campus. Each time she seemed really happy to see me, but unfortunately I had such an insane workload I could only talk for minutes at a time.

Now I'm on a break, she's on a break annnnnnd...today I just found out she has suddenly entered her first relationship. Only one expression can really quantify the irritation: FML!

I mean, I wasn't neccessarily going to ask her or anyone else out, of course. But it's like any faint glimmer of interest I have in a girl being more than a friend immediately gets snuffed out by the machinations of everything around me

Now there's another girl, "the flirty one" from the other thread, who of course suddenly starts "liking" me right before a huge break for the semester. I'm daren't even hope that she's still single (or interested!) when we get back to work, because I just know for a fact that she won't be.

Sigh. It's almost like a curse or something. Maybe when the stars align or some rubbish like that things will go my way for a change? :club:

 

[TheSolitaryMan]

Sorry if this was long and tedious to read, I guess I just needed a good vent.

 

[dead]

Hey Solitary.
personally - i don't believe in fate - or that there is some sort of higher meaning or sense out there in the way that things happen. stars are beautiful, and far away - and apart from gravity - i don't think they have any affect on our lives. i guess i believe in science, and in hard work paying off.
and i believe that past events do not say anything about the future. to me - there is hope somewhere in this, and it will have to do, i guess.

don't get discouraged. sometimes it's a matter of timing, and sometimes - you don't meet the right people for a long while. but - however painful and horribly long the waiting may be - it will come to an end.
keep trying. it will happen eventually, and might be worth all the waiting in the world when it does.

---

Sorry if this was long and tedious to read, I guess I just needed a good vent.

it wasn't. don't worry about it

 

[jjam]

Well said, dead.

 

[Tiina63]

I have often felt that fate or whatever is conspiring against me when it comes to love. And sometimes certain people have even said to me 'if it was going to happen, it would have happened by now.' This does not help.

 

[jjam]

I have often felt that fate or whatever is conspiring against me when it comes to love. And sometimes certain people have even said to me 'if it was going to happen, it would have happened by now.' This does not help.

Those silly rabbits. Would you agree that things have happened that hadn't happened before? I hope so, because there's proof all over the place.
Same can go for love.

 

[SophiaGrace]

Girls are so confusing. Even, I, confuse myself.

**** my gender!

 

[roguewave]

As a tarot card reader I do believe in fate. However, the nature of fate makes it so that we can chose to embark down a specific path or several different paths but fate is always one step ahead of us.
Edit: But I wouldn't say that fate has the consciousness to conspire against us, though it can feel that way at times because we personify it.

Girls are so confusing. Even, I, confuse myself.

**** my gender!

Hahaha! I lol'd so much at this!

 

[AFrozenSoul]

I like fate, it gives me an excuse to give up.

 

[TheSolitaryMan]

Bah. Maybe I was kinda misleading with the thread title? I mean, I don't actually believe in "fate"! Sometimes there are unusually remote occurences, but that makes statistical sense.

It's more, as someone noted, that the perception of these events feels oppressive.

It just feels like if life is comparable to a random dice game, I've rolled a 1 on "Romance" about 7 times in a row now, always at the crucial point!

Perhaps I'm just doing something wrong in allowing this stuff to stop me? It's just I see other couples and:

- They meet
- They have time to chat
- They have time to get to know each other
- They have time to go on a date.

With me, any one of those steps always seems to get interrupted by *insert irritatingly unpredictable event here* and I end up back at square one.

Plus my life in general seems to leave no time for a relationship. I wonder if that's why people on my course seem to sleep around so much - we work so hard it's perhaps awkward to hold together a long term thing with someone I guess.

I'd just like to be able to talk to a girl, get to know her and possibly get a shot at asking her out like a normal human being, as opposed to something totally BS always blindsiding me before I can get acquainted with someone I like. It's uncanny how it happens.

There was another girl, for example, who I started to get to know and then BAM, one of my relatives developed a sudden illness. Of course, that was far more important, but it was inevitable that what I had there disappeared before I'd even grasped it. Sometimes I wish I could just get cut a break as opposed to stuff like that happening.

I feel like I'm looping a bit here. It's kind of hard to explain exactly what I mean I suppose, without being able to share the experience!

It's sort of like sitting at a sumptuous banquet with a load of other people who are all tucking in, yet when you go to take a bite yourself the waiter promptly pulls your plate away. This cycle repeats until insanity ensues...

EDIT -

Thanks Dead, that was comforting

And Soph, lol

 

[Code S.O.L]

So, I'm convinced that 'Fate' has an identity.

...And that identity is Zhuge Liang. A master strategist/tactician/smartass from China's Three Kingdoms Period. And that all the personal misfortunes that individuals suffer are the results of his endless strategies.

For example Solitary. Girls A is a classic example of the 'Empty Fort Ploy' being put into effect at your party. You're enticed with something of value(Girl A) at this party (the fort), and then enters drunken friend(the ambush unit hiding in the fort). While you waste valuable time fending off drunken friend, Girl A either disappears, or you're forced to fall back due to embarrassment(casualties sustained during the ambush).

 

[dead]

oh, i didn't think that you believe in it (and wouldn't think anything of it if you did. some people do - some don't - it's one of these things.) and - i don't know, i know what you mean by it. it must feel pretty terrible :/

i guess there are a few things you can try to do to pull the odds abit more onto your side - like... act on things faster. i know a few people that think so long of doing something - that by the time they do - it's too late. ask someone out *before* you know her really well - after all - if you go on a date with someone - it's just that - an opportunity to talk to someone one on one - and get to know them better. you don't have to be all ready to marry them to go to a movie or have some coffee with someone.
if things work out - fine - if they don't - well - you might be better acquainted with her - or even make a friend, who knows

that said... i also totally understand there being use for a good vent now and then. so - *pats on back and hugs*. i hope things go better in the future. just... hold on. there must be a cool girl out there for you.
and - if she is the right one - she is probably sitting there, thinking - well where is he already?.

 

[AFrozenSoul]

Well then it is best to stop going to that resturant. There is no point in it. At least I was smart enough to leave.

 

[TheSolitaryMan]

So, I'm convinced that 'Fate' has an identity.

...And that identity is Zhuge Liang. A master strategist/tactician/smartass from China's Three Kingdoms Period. And that all the personal misfortunes that individuals suffer are the results of his endless strategies.

For example Solitary. Girls A is a classic example of the 'Empty Fort Ploy' being put into effect at your party. You're enticed with something of value(Girl A) at this party (the fort), and then enters drunken friend(the ambush unit hiding in the fort). While you waste valuable time fending off drunken friend, Girl A either disappears, or you're forced to fall back due to embarrassment(casualties sustained during the ambush).

This gave me a giggle!

Come to think of it...when I approached her there was this strange ethereal form of an old Asian guy calmly playing a guqin in the background...

And Frozen, I'm not sure what that means. Give up? Or is it a reply to the wrong thread or something?

I think you're right dead. I may just need to act when I feel attraction next time I guess. Easier said than done however - there's not really much point in asking a lady out if I don't know her of course!

 

[dead]

you know, i don't agree.
i think the point is to get to know people. for one - it will make you more confident in the whole thing - and possibly teach you more about the game involved, and for the other - you'll simply spend some fun time with the ladies now how is that, ever, a bad thing? it's a way to know her - and a date isn't a commitment - it's just an invitation to have some time together, one on one.

well, just my two cents

i agree with you on the "it's not that easy" count though. there is a potential for rejection, as always, but the way i see it - taking some chances is probably not a bad thing!

 

[AFrozenSoul]

And Frozen, I'm not sure what that means. Give up? Or is it a reply to the wrong thread or something?

Yup give up

 

[IgnoredOne]

TSM, things kinda suck for awhile, but they do get better especially if you're smart about it. We've talked a bit in PM, and I know things are getting better, so trust me that it'll be fine

 

[theSmokingRabbit]

Problem is you keep chasing girls.


What you want is a woman.


Whole new mess of trouble there.

(hehe)

 

[Quiet Guy]

Solitary, I know how you feel. I've been on a losing streak for as long as I can remember. It's not easy to find comfort. I've kept my own little blog, read by no one, and used it when I felt the need to vent. I'm with you, hoping it gets better.

 

[passage]

I remember there was a very cute and smart (mechanical engineer) girl in my russian class. And I sat with her a few times, but after that it seemed like fate didn't want me to talk to her anymore, we had a new classroom different seating arrangements, another girl used to always sit in between the girl I liked and me and she wouldnt stop talking to me (so that I could talk to the other girl), the teacher would never pair us up for assignments (I worked with almsot everyone else in the class). So, on one of the last days of class, after class I asked her to lunch. Fortunately she said yes (but clearly just to be nice). She was a very nice girl, with clearly no romantic interest in me, and she asked my age ( me being 18 at the time, and she 22). But anyway, the point is I "sacked up" and took some action and learnt a few things. Better than letting "fate" decide.