First Dates

[TheSolitaryMan]

I'm working up to finally asking a girl on a date, no idea if she'll accept, but I wanted to see what you folks think of my idea:

This male friend of mine has invited me to the cinema next week, because it'll be the end of work and he wanted to do something fun.

No idea if he's invited more guys or not. Anyway, because I feel super-awkward about asking this girl out, but I blatantly like her, do you think it's a good idea to ask her along too?

On the one hand, I think it'd be a great way for us to spend some time together with no pressure, yet there's still potential for discreet snuggling or cuddling.

On the other, I fear that I'll disappoint my friend if the girl comes along and he has no one to talk to - I've been the "third wheel" before, and it sucks

Plus having another guy/more guys nearby could ruin the romance in the first place perhaps. I don't want to make the girl feel awkward either, if she accepts :shy:

---

So this thread isn't just "me, me, me", please feel free to tell me about your first date experiences, if you have them. I'm genuinely interested

 

[Ak5]

Depends.

1. Is she hot?
2. Is he a good friend of yours or not? (You value his friendship?)

I would personally go out with her, tell your friend that you're going out with a girl, he'll understand the importance (if he is a good friend of course!).

As for me, I still have yet to have a date...yet.

 

[TheSolitaryMan]

1. Is she hot?
2. Is he a good friend of yours or not? (You value his friendship?)

I would personally go out with her, tell your friend that you're going out with a girl, he'll understand the importance (if he is a good friend of course!).

As for me, I still have yet to have a date...yet.

1. The first time I saw her was a year ago, and I immediately thought she was one of the prettiest girls I've seen :shy:

2. He is, sort of. I've known him a while, but I'm only just starting to get particularly friendly with him. He's a decent guy and I wouldn't want to ruin my getting on with him, or throw an invite in his face.

Thank you for your advice

 

[nerdygirl]

I think you should talk to him. Before you ask about inviting the girl, ask if anybody else is coming. I think if you do it the other way first, he's going to feel pressured to tell you to invite her. If he confirms that other people will be joining you, ask if you can invite the girl. Erm... but only if it's not going to be a ton of guys. That could be awkward.

 

[putter65]

Go to the cinema with your male friend.

Ask the woman out but not as a threesome. I think it will make things awkard.

Been on two 'first dates' - first one the woman had a panic attack so that wasn't very good.

The second one last year was nice but moments before I went out I noticed on her facebook that she was in a relationship with some guy. I had been buliding up to the date all week so I thought I was jinxed. She came on the chat and said her facebook page was a joke and I shouldn't get worried. So I ended going and the date itself was nice, really nice. But that moment when I saw her facebook status I could have screamed. (Of course the guy she was 'in a relationship with' then was the same guy she spend xmas with after telling me her ******** 'off on holiday' story)

 

[Kat]

No.

-If you take her along with your friend she will interpret it as friend zone, not a date.
-I wouldn't go to a movie on the first date.
-Bringing her is a bit intrusive on your friend.

Take her on a proper date, alone, for coffee or something like that.

 

[Tiina63]

I wouldn't ask her as she might feel shy enough just accepting the date, let alone finding a third person there if she does accept. I know in her position that I would find it a bit weird and wouldn't be sure what was going on. Also, the man might feel, as you say, left out and this could ruin your friendship with him. He might think it is odd that you have asked the girl along. Maybe you could invite her out for a coffee one day instead?

 

[TheSolitaryMan]

No.

-If you take her along with your friend she will interpret it as friend zone, not a date.
-I wouldn't go to a movie on the first date.
-Bringing her is a bit intrusive on your friend.

Take her on a proper date, alone, for coffee or something like that.

Actually, it's a bit silly, but I'll just give some background:

We've had coffee loads of times. She's also taken me out with her friends a few times.

However, we've never really sort of had an opportunity to spend an outing totally alone, other than just casual coffee or whatever.

So whether this is a "first date" I guess depends on the definition of date. I mean, I see her as a good friend at present, I think I know her quite well.

I'm just looking for a way to perhaps get to know her a little better.

Thanks for the comment though. I struggle with this stuff, you make sound points

 

[Kat]

If you already sort of know each other like that, I would suggest taking her to dinner (a tiny bit of a nicer restaurant) so it's more obvious that it's a date. I'd recommend picking a place you know well, especially if the employees recognize you.

 

[TheSolitaryMan]

If you already sort of know each other like that, I would suggest taking her to dinner (a tiny bit of a nicer restaurant) so it's more obvious that it's a date. I'd recommend picking a place you know well, especially if the employees recognize you.

Dinner, eh? I'm such a chicken, I'm not sure I could manage that! At least not right now

I hardly go out to eat, life's so busy at the moment, so I don't really know any good places.

Overall, I think she likes me. And I think she knows I like her! But I thought a movie would sort of bridge the friend gap while also not being embarrassingly overcommital if she declines or can't go for some reason.

I'd like to keep her as a friend if I've misjudged, you know?

EDIT - Also, one reason I thought in the first place of inviting her to that event with my friend is that time is very limited right now. This might be the last chance I get to ask her out somewhere for a long while unfortunately.

 

[nerdygirl]

Silly, you won't be getting to know her better by going to a movie. You can't talk during a movie.

 

[passage]

One of the best (actually definitely the best) "dates" I've ever had was very simple. We went for a walk along a river, walked for about maybe 45 minutes. We didn't have a destination, we just said lets keep walking. Finally we passes the city limits and we found a nice little park by the river with benches. We bought a baggette (sp?), saw and fed a couple of giant white swans on the bank of the river, sat on the bench and first she layed on my lap looking at the sky and I played with her hair, then switched. Cheesy, but one of the most romantic things I've ever done, and for the most part I'm not much of a romantic guy. Maybe romantic isn't the right word, but I know I won't ever forgot the emotions I was feeling in those moments. She was a really sweet girl and we had very deep conversations. as well as playful ones. That wasn't the first "date" we had though, the first one was a walk through a Japanese garden, and we sat on a little "cliff" with a waterfall for maybe an hour.

Rereading this, maybe it doesn't sound so good, but if anyone has ever been on a date like this with someone whose company they enjoy will know why its so nice. The weather wasn't perfect either, it was maybe 13-15 degrees centigrade.

PS. If you bring her along on a movie outing with other people, that won't be considered a date (and then you'd probably be the one sending her mixed signals). And if you bring her out with only one other friend, it'll probably be awkward (and again mixed signals).

PSS. If its too cold for that you can always go to either her place or yours and watch a nice movie (not some 300 or 2fast2furious crap). If you both like older movies (watch some if you don't, they are really good), I can highly recommend watching a film like Strangers on a Train, or Double Indemnity. Also good for snuggling/cuddling (and sex , but you don't seem to have much of an interest in that). Actually, even if neither of you are really into old movies (I'm assuming shes not a "ditzy" girl), I can highly recommend Double Indemnity.

 

[Kat]

Passage, I had a similar experience recently. Him and I walked along a river, watched birds and airplanes go by, got coffee, watched dogs playing in a park, and talked and laughed for a few hours.

 

[Peter Lorre]

I wouldn't go on a first date with a girl and another guy. What if she ends up being more into the other guy?

It is however a great idea to do this on a first date:

[video=youtube]

 

[TheSolitaryMan]

I wouldn't go on a first date with a girl and another guy. What if she ends up being more into the other guy?

It is however a great idea to do this on a first date:

Lol, that was awesome. I love the woman's scowl ^^

One of the best (actually definitely the best) "dates" I've ever had was very simple. We went for a walk along a river, walked for about maybe 45 minutes. We didn't have a destination, we just said lets keep walking. Finally we passes the city limits and we found a nice little park by the river with benches. We bought a baggette (sp?), saw and fed a couple of giant white swans on the bank of the river, sat on the bench and first she layed on my lap looking at the sky and I played with her hair, then switched. Cheesy, but one of the most romantic things I've ever done, and for the most part I'm not much of a romantic guy. Maybe romantic isn't the right word, but I know I won't ever forgot the emotions I was feeling in those moments. She was a really sweet girl and we had very deep conversations. as well as playful ones. That wasn't the first "date" we had though, the first one was a walk through a Japanese garden, and we sat on a little "cliff" with a waterfall for maybe an hour.

Rereading this, maybe it doesn't sound so good, but if anyone has ever been on a date like this with someone whose company they enjoy will know why its so nice. The weather wasn't perfect either, it was maybe 13-15 degrees centigrade.

PS. If you bring her along on a movie outing with other people, that won't be considered a date (and then you'd probably be the one sending her mixed signals). And if you bring her out with only one other friend, it'll probably be awkward (and again mixed signals).

PSS. If its too cold for that you can always go to either her place or yours and watch a nice movie (not some 300 or 2fast2furious crap). If you both like older movies (watch some if you don't, they are really good), I can highly recommend watching a film like Strangers on a Train, or Double Indemnity. Also good for snuggling/cuddling (and sex , but you don't seem to have much of an interest in that). Actually, even if neither of you are really into old movies (I'm assuming shes not a "ditzy" girl), I can highly recommend Double Indemnity.

Double Indemnity looks really good. I generally like noirish plots, so I might check that out

That sounds like it was a top-notch date, I can't really think of anything that would be better actually. In my country, 13-15 degrees celsius is really nice warm weather too!

Yeah, that group movie thing was a bad idea I suppose, it was more out of convenience for the situation than anything. I'm sort of stuffed now - the one and only slot I had open for finally asking her out, I'll now be out with my friend instead :shy:

PSS. If its too cold for that you can always go to either her place or yours and watch a nice movie (not some 300 or 2fast2furious crap).

We definitely agree there, I absolutely cannot stand either of those films, lol

I'm at an awkward point with her though, it's like if I asked her back to my place or whatever I'd feel far too forward if that makes sense. Similarly if it came to snuggling.

She sort of cuddles up to me a little when she has a strong excuse to do that, but at the same time she's never cuddled with me openly or anything - I'd feel weird just saying "Your place, snugglez."

I guess I'm probably deluding myself again and nothing will happen between us.

Also good for snuggling/cuddling (and sex , but you don't seem to have much of an interest in that).

I expect I'd be very much into snuggling! Probably would really enjoy sex too, with the right girl. Got nothing against friskiness in theory, if it's with someone I've got some sort of relationship with.

Right now it's all a moot point though - I'd just like a sweet kiss with this girl, and that's all.

So it's not so much "not having an interest" as "I'm never in a million years going to ever get a chance to do those things anyway"

Silly, you won't be getting to know her better by going to a movie. You can't talk during a movie.

Well, this is kinda the thing. I've already been talking to her for ages, now it feels like I should be somehow elevating that. I was thinking more about the covert gentle snuggling possible in a movie than the talking :shy:

Then again, I think I'm slowly and permanently sliding into the netherrealm of good friendship. Right now we seem to have this dead-end mutual attraction. Or at least she makes it quite clear she likes me, I sort of don't show that to her so much because I get really shy.

I just have no clue how to take that a tiny bit further into "I actually really like you too and want to kiss you" territory without being creepy or awkward :\

 

[Astral_Punisher]

I just have no clue how to take that a tiny bit further into "I actually really like you too and want to kiss you" territory without being creepy or awkward :\

Frankly, I would tell her before you slide into the Friend-Zone for all eternity. Women can be the most patience of people. But no one waits forever.

Tell her you really like her, and that you'd like to take her out on a date to a nice restaurant, just the two of you.
Then, dress nice, pick her up, don't be late - have a nice meal at a nice restaurant, and drop her off.
Kiss her at the door.

Done like dinner!

If she likes you, then she'll agree to the date.
If she doesn't like you, and declines, then you can look for a new woman elsewhere.

Good Luck - Let us know how you make out!

 

[passage]

She has sent enough signals and if you don't take action she'll view it as rejection and move on (or you'll just be friends and nothing more). You want to snuggle (and she does too, maybe not openly cause she probalby fears you'll reject/not know what to do, her advances in public), so a movie date at yours or hers is perfect. Just be honest (but don't pour your heart out or anything). Tell her you are really busy, and that you want to do x on y day (ie, a movie I've been dying to see, on friday) and ask her if she'd like to join you. But most importantly take some action otherwise it will start to fizzle out exponentially at one point.

Good luck, and if it does work out really embrace the moments and emotions. For me it feels like a wonderful dream, and you've actually motivated me to start looking for someone to go on such a date with.

 

[TheSolitaryMan]

Thanks for all the support guys

Something really cool happened; she suddenly told me that she wants to spend time with me outside work. She got sort of shy when she did it too, it was really cute

That means the time pressure is gone (which is a huge relief), and I just feel super relaxed and happy now.

My head's full of worries already about the future, but I'm trying to just ignore them and focus on the fact that we apparently like each other.

 

[Ak5]

Don't worry Solitary. Go after her.