Friend in a bad mood

[edamame721]

I have a friend who has been in a bad mood the last few times I've seen him. During one outing, he even complained about spending money on "boring things" when he was with me. I told him I was willing to spend money and he said he was too -- so I didn't understand why he was complaining. I told him, he could have suggested something else or just said no to the outing.

I told him the next time he wanted to hangout to let me know -- because I wanted to make sure he wanted to hang out and wasn't just trying to be polite.

A few days ago, he called me out to meet. It was rainy, he had no idea what he wanted to do, and then he suddenly wanted to go home. At that point I told him to go home and I would catch a movie since I was already outside. Then he followed me to the movie theater and I let him pick out a movie.

I'm not sure what's wrong. I really believe something else is bleeding into our time together. I sent him an email and basically called him out on being unhappy. I told him if he didn't want to talk about what was bothering him that was okay, but to let me know if he needed to be alone and sort things out.

 

[ladyforsaken]

Maybe something is bothering him and he wants to reach out and probably talk about it, but he doesn't know how to bring it out and say it, so he withdraws in those situations. Just what I think really. Won't really know for sure unless he speaks up about why he's been behaving like that. :\

 

[VanillaCreme]

I would tell him to leave his bad attitude in his house. If not, then don't bother asking me to go anywhere. Because that's not fair to you to have to deal with it. If he wishes to talk about it, then by all means, go right ahead. There's nothing wrong with having a bad day or having something on your mind. However, that doesn't mean that he has the right to take it out on you. I know how that feels, and I know it makes me feel like I don't want to bother with someone. Don't put the blame on me because you spend money you don't want to spend or don't have to spend when I've told you that you didn't have to do so, is how I feel on that issue.

 

[Tiina63]

Maybe he is suffering from depression?

 

[edamame721]

He hasn't responded to me. I don't know what he's thinking, but I'm just going to leave it alone. Maybe I prodded where I wasn't welcomed but I was honest about my own feelings and there's nothing else I can do. =(

 

[WildernessWildChild]

I would tell him to leave his bad attitude in his house. If not, then don't bother asking me to go anywhere.

That's really going to encourage the friend to open up about what's bothering them- I find that an empathetic approach works better than a emphatic approach when dealing with someone who's obviously troubled by something that's creating a change in their normal behaviour....

 

[VanillaCreme]

I would tell him to leave his bad attitude in his house. If not, then don't bother asking me to go anywhere.

That's really going to encourage the friend to open up about what's bothering them- I find that an empathetic approach works better than a emphatic approach when dealing with someone who's obviously troubled by something that's creating a change in their normal behaviour....

Absolutey, I agree. But that's not right to place that bad attitude on someone. When someone's having a bad day, it's not the entire world's fault. Empathy or not, the guy should know this. I would ask him if something were wrong (and without jumping down his throat about his attitude), and if it was something he'd like to talk about. Talking about issues and problems can help tremendously. But if not, then I stand by what I said.

 

[edamame721]

He hasn't communicated all week. Usually I get at least one text. I sent him another e-mail, telling him I said what I did because I was worried as a friend. I double checked the original e-mail...and I don't think my language was accusing or anything.

I'm starting to feel really hurt. If I misinterpreted anything, he could have let me know at least. The only other thing I can think of is he might be on vacation.

 

[Tiina63]

I would let it go for now. If you don't hear from him in the next couple of weeks you could email again expressing your concern and asking if he needs any help and, if he doesn't reply again, I would wait for him to get in touch.

 

[ladyforsaken]

Perhaps what you wrote is giving him something to think about and he probably needs time to do that. I hope you can find some peace while you wait out to see if he replies soon. You did what you feel was best and I think you did the right thing to be honest about how he's been around you. It's not fair and he needs to realise that. If he treasures you as a friend, he will do something about it and appreciate what you e-mailed him.

 

[edamame721]

Thanks guys, for all your advice. He finally replied with a text that didn't make too much sense -- except he seems to be thinking a lot about his own life. He didn't tell me what exactly was going on and that's okay, I was just glad he acknowledged what I was seeing.

@ladyforsaken You were spot on!

 

[ladyforsaken]

Glad to hear this! Hope things will smoothen and work out between the both of you.

 

[edamame721]

@ladyforsaken He finally opened up to me about what was bothering him, but I think he's choosing to spend his time with other people. I'm trying not to take it personally.

 

[ladyforsaken]

He did? That's good that he did. Hmm, maybe he feels that he can relate his problems better with them?

 

[edamame721]

Hi guys, I just wanted to update you about my friend. For a while he seemed to be depressed, then he got better. Then he started flaking out and avoiding me again. I had to sit down with him and talk to him again.

By text he admitted that he ran away from people who were annoyed by him because he didn't want to make them angrier. He also texted that he didn't want to be close friends because he didn't want to let me down.

When I talked to him in person, it was a much colder talk. He talked about how he wanted to be friends at arm's length. That he didn't need friends. That if some friend got mad at him and didn't come back, he'd just find another one.

I don't think I'm the type of person that can be a friend at arm's length -- to me that's more like friendly acquaintances. And I've known this guy for over 10 years. At this point in time, I think I'm just going to leave him alone and do my best to move on unless his views change a little. I know I can be difficult to be friends with, but I'm honest and do my best to communicate. I had to make him talk to me about this but I'm glad I did. He's changed so much over the last few months -- can it be that one girl rejecting him could have done this?