Friend of 20+ years is dropping me?

[Hallyonprime]

I met this person in school a long time ago and we have been good friends ever since only the last year or so have they been finding more excuses not to hang out and they don't reply back to texts or calls when I ask them if everything is OK they say yes but there actions are saying otherwise
when you have known someone for a long time you know what kind of person they are I'm worried that they are done with me but maybe doesn't have the courage to say it as they have anxiety over social situations anyway this is my first post and im a new user I figured I would go ahead and make an account on here to find others to talk to because I've only had 1 serious friend my entire life and that seems to be quickly coming to an end.

 

[Sarah G]

I'm sorry to hear that your friend is acting like this. Maybe they're going through something they don't want to share or are afraid to share. Maybe all this lockdown and covid has caused them to re-evaluate their life and relationships.
Hopefully it's just a blip.
Welcome to the forum.

 

[Hallyonprime]

Thank you for the kind words I hope it's something like that I got him into therapy because he wanted someone to talk too professionally so I set it up for him he hated his old job so I got him a job with me making more money with less stress and it seems like the change happened after I got him a job with me fo you think he might be distancing himself from me because of our work relationship? I'm not his boss or superior or anything either

 

[Sarah G]

Thank you for the kind words I hope it's something like that I got him into therapy because he wanted someone to talk too professionally so I set it up for him he hated his old job so I got him a job with me making more money with less stress and it seems like the change happened after I got him a job with me fo you think he might be distancing himself from me because of our work relationship? I'm not his boss or superior or anything either

Oh, maybe it's related to that. They do say never work with friends or family. We can see people in a whole different light when we work with them. I'm sure that's something you could talk to him about though, or try?

 

[Hallyonprime]

Yeah that's something I will definitely bring up I don't even think of this dude as my friend anymore he is my family at this point like a brother I just wish I knew if he seen me the same way and idk if he would tell me the truth because he is a people pleaser kind of guy will do what he thinks you want him to do very non confrontational

 

[Sarah G]

Yeah that's something I will definitely bring up I don't even think of this dude as my friend anymore he is my family at this point like a brother I just wish I knew if he seen me the same way and idk if he would tell me the truth because he is a people pleaser kind of guy will do what he thinks you want him to do very non confrontational

It could be something as simple as him not liking the new job and not wanting to seem ungrateful. If he has some social anxiety maybe he's struggling with having a new job, it can be really hard meeting new colleagues etc. Or he's met someone at work and doesn't want you to be jealous.
Really, it could be so many things, I'm sure it's driving you nuts but hopefully time will resolve the situation.

 

[Hallyonprime]

I'm the kind of person who jokes about stuff that offends people and some people at my job don't like me because I speak my mind and I'm starting to think he is separating himself from me so that they don't lump him in with me almost like he is embarrassed by me or something idk it does drive me nuts for sure but thanks for talking to me it has eased my mind in some ways and I'll have to just sit him down and have a talk with him lay everything out on the table if you ever need advice or help or just someone to talk to you can talk to me you helped me so I'll help you hope you have a great day!

 

[Riverman3]

I met this person in school a long time ago and we have been good friends ever since only the last year or so have they been finding more excuses not to hang out and they don't reply back to texts or calls when I ask them if everything is OK they say yes but there actions are saying otherwise
when you have known someone for a long time you know what kind of person they are I'm worried that they are done with me but maybe doesn't have the courage to say it as they have anxiety over social situations anyway this is my first post and im a new user I figured I would go ahead and make an account on here to find others to talk to because I've only had 1 serious friend my entire life and that seems to be quickly coming to an end.

Sorry, my friend. It is over and the more you pursue it, the more gone it gets.

Tom

 

[TheRealCallie]

They could simply want a separate identity in the workplace, not "oh you're Hallyonprime's friend", but more "oh hey, you're the new guy, nice to meet you"

But yeah, could be a million things. If you have been friends that long and he's never had an issue with the way you are (unless you've changed recently), I would say something is going on. Maybe he just needs a little space, maybe this, maybe that. I wouldn't give up on him just yet.

 

[Beth Griggs]

I'm the kind of person who jokes about stuff that offends people and some people at my job don't like me because I speak my mind and I'm starting to think he is separating himself from me so that they don't lump him in with me almost like he is embarrassed by me or something idk it does drive me nuts for sure but thanks for talking to me it has eased my mind in some ways and I'll have to just sit him down and have a talk with him lay everything out on the table if you ever need advice or help or just someone to talk to you can talk to me you helped me so I'll help you hope you have a great day!

The thing is you can maybe get a chance to ask them why this is as it is - maybe - he does not have to agree to speak to you out side work or about this. And even if he does speak to you he can lie. he can say no it's ok no problem or whatever, because he does not want to share it with you or believes it is not your business. He does not have to spend time with you or give you this info! He will do whatever he believes is best for him.

I need to know why you are always too busy to speak to me - let's speak about it does not make sense to me. If he is always too busy otherwise he will be too busy to do this too. He does not owe it to you to explain even though you may be suffering and struggling, he will put himself first. It also makes it sound as if you are somehow his superior and he is answerable to you and has to justify his choices and actions to you, which he does not. How would you feel if someone wanted to spend time with you but you did not want to and they summonsed you to explain why?