gay almost 40 and so very alone....

[tyler3000]

Just thought id write about my feelings since there doesnt seem to be anyone I know who actually seems to care enough to really help.

Ive been openly gay now for the past 17 years and had my share of ups and downs in relationships, but since i got past 35 i seem to have faded away and now i recently lost my best friend to a heart a ttack i just feel even more alone.....i have no family who live nearby and i dont go out that much anymore because i simply dont have anyone to share good times with.....Its hard to describe how i felt this weekend in manchester when i bought a ticket to attend the manchester pride and the guy i had been dating totally let me down and decided to ignore me all weekend....i had no other friends as such to go with and i just felt like an outcast.....he completely made me feel like garbage and now i just wander where the hell my life is going.....i dont have the courage to just go out to bars on my own like i did when i was younger.....well anyway i just feel so low and depressed all the time and wander what the point of my life is anymore..... please can someone help me and maybe show me a way to get over this difficult time cos i dont want to end up killing myself..... i have thought about it though.

 

[Tiina63]

Hi Tyler, I am so sorry to hear how low you are feeling and about the sad things which have happened in your life. Losing your friend to a heart attack must have hurt so much and it is completely understandable that you are feeling so lonely without him. And being let down by the man you have been dating is so painful, too. It must have been hard to go to the Gay Pride event alone and to see all the couples there. I went to the Gay Pride event in Liverpool earlier this month on my own, so I can guess how you must have been feeling. Please, please try to hang in there and to keep hoping that the future will be better than the present. I don't know if this is any help, but I'm keeping you in mind.

 

[rivermaze]

Hi tyler3000 and Tiina63, you are brave. I wouldn't go on a pride on my own. Paraphrasing, I'm keeping you both in mind.

 

[cumulus.james]

Just thought id write about my feelings since there doesnt seem to be anyone I know who actually seems to care enough to really help.

Ive been openly gay now for the past 17 years and had my share of ups and downs in relationships, but since i got past 35 i seem to have faded away and now i recently lost my best friend to a heart a ttack i just feel even more alone.....i have no family who live nearby and i dont go out that much anymore because i simply dont have anyone to share good times with.....Its hard to describe how i felt this weekend in manchester when i bought a ticket to attend the manchester pride and the guy i had been dating totally let me down and decided to ignore me all weekend....i had no other friends as such to go with and i just felt like an outcast.....he completely made me feel like garbage and now i just wander where the hell my life is going.....i dont have the courage to just go out to bars on my own like i did when i was younger.....well anyway i just feel so low and depressed all the time and wander what the point of my life is anymore..... please can someone help me and maybe show me a way to get over this difficult time cos i dont want to end up killing myself..... i have thought about it though.

I am 30, gay and lonely. I have never had a boyfriend and have not had sex for over 5 years. I don't expect to have either again unless I swallow my pride and pay.

I suspect your like a lot of middle aged gay guys i have observed, they spent their youth shagging everything that moved while they could, never bothering to build a relationship, choosing guys only for their looks never for anything else. Then when you can no longer pull "twinks" you either get cynical, turn into a bitchy old queen or both.

Be grateful for the god times you have had. Gay society is youth focused. Unless you have a very good body your pretty much done for once you hit 30 these days. I never had the good body so I have never had anyone find me attractive and i never got to go to the gay clubs with the never ending Friday nights and loads of sex.

Another mistake I suspect you are making as you mentioned pride is that you are looking to "the gay community" for everything. This "gay community" is ******** - it does not exist, its just a few bars with some sex obsessed shallow people, and you must know these people well - they are your best friend one minuet but they will stab you in the back in a heartbeat. They will be full of praise and compliments to your face but slag you off every opportunity they get behind your back. They are never really your friends.

And show me a gay couple who say they are faithful to each other and Ill show you a damn liar! So that is an impossible dream also.

 

[SophiaGrace]

see this thread: http://www.alonelylife.com/showthread.php?tid=13787

 

[rivermaze]

And show me a gay couple who say they are faithful to each other and Ill show you a damn liar! So that is an impossible dream also.

please don't say so, because it hurts. Well some of my gay friends change partners so often that I keep losing track, but some are extremely faithful to one person, even when dumped. Three of my friends have been in long term relationships for years (on of them for almost 8 years, as long as I'm in my marriage), and they have formed the best and the happiest couples I ever met.

I wish you all the same experience

 

[cumulus.james]

And show me a gay couple who say they are faithful to each other and Ill show you a damn liar! So that is an impossible dream also.

please don't say so, because it hurts. Well some of my gay friends change partners so often that I keep losing track, but some are extremely faithful to one person, even when dumped. Three of my friends have been in long term relationships for years (on of them for almost 8 years, as long as I'm in my marriage), and they have formed the best and the happiest couples I ever met.

I wish you all the same experience

I have to say it because it is true - even those who convince each other and their friends that they are faithful are not. I have seen the partners looking on gaydar (now grindr and those apps).

now this extends to a couple I knew of who may or may not have been famous for maybe being the first gay parents to surrogates and may have been millionaires. There was a LOT to lose in that situation but I observed one of them hunting for sex online.

I think it is too much to expect your gay partner to be faithful (I don't think this applies to lesbians but I don't know about them). I would not mind an open relationship. but for the likes of me I have never had a relationship and can never hope to. So as far as I am concerned anything you guys get you should be grateful for.

better to have loved and lost than never loved and all that. Imagine being 30 and never having been wanted, fancied, desired, chased anything. It weighs you down, sinks you to the blackest part of the bottom where you remain.

What is there to drive me forward? No chance of having kids, a partner or family and this ****** society no chance of friends either. Gay guys are now so fussy and youth oriented that I cant even hope to get laid!

There seems nothing to live for really.

 

[rivermaze]

better to have loved and lost than never loved and all that. Imagine being 30 and never having been wanted, fancied, desired, chased anything. It weighs you down, sinks you to the blackest part of the bottom where you remain.

What is there to drive me forward? No chance of having kids, a partner or family and this ****** society no chance of friends either. Gay guys are now so fussy and youth oriented that I cant even hope to get laid!

There seems nothing to live for really.

James, I'm losing patience. I'll start to bite or cry. It's not nice when your experience is ignored, is it? I don't think you have to be physically attractive to attract someone and keep them for years. Some of my friends are, some not. I find all of them attractive, because after some time of getting to know someone, you always find something catching your eye or absorbing the mind. I like you thinking and it's attractive, but you make me also feel down

 

[cumulus.james]

better to have loved and lost than never loved and all that. Imagine being 30 and never having been wanted, fancied, desired, chased anything. It weighs you down, sinks you to the blackest part of the bottom where you remain.

What is there to drive me forward? No chance of having kids, a partner or family and this ****** society no chance of friends either. Gay guys are now so fussy and youth oriented that I cant even hope to get laid!

There seems nothing to live for really.

James, I'm losing patience. I'll start to bite or cry. It's not nice when your experience is ignored, is it? I don't think you have to be physically attractive to attract someone and keep them for years. Some of my friends are, some not. I find all of them attractive, because after some time of getting to know someone, you always find something catching your eye or absorbing the mind. I like you thinking and it's attractive, but you make me also feel down

now we both know that's not true! You need one of three things to get a partner in the gay world 1-Looks 2-Money 3-Youth. I am short, fat, ugly with low self esteem, bi-polar and have no friends and little in the way of family. I don't have a chance. Is it anyone else s fault? No. But it is not mine either.

I do the lottery now. I never used to but less face it, I have more chance of winning every draw for a month than getting a partner. Sure am whining about it but that's just because this thread allowed me to do so. I have accepted my fete and I advise the guy who started this post to do so too.

 

[SophiaGrace]

Because accepting your fate has made you happier?

 

[rivermaze]

now we both know that's not true! You need one of three things to get a partner in the gay world 1-Looks 2-Money 3-Youth. I am short, fat, ugly with low self esteem, bi-polar and have no friends and little in the way of family. I don't have a chance. Is it anyone else s fault? No. But it is not mine either.

I empathise with you.

None of my friends has that much money. I don't know about the look. Apart from this, it's a very relative thing. For me they are equally nice. They all are over 30, although I know some younger ones. I admit that there is a huge gap in attitudes an preferences between people of different ages, but these differences usually become less significant with passing time.

I'm not going to try to convince you anymore. You don't want to believe me, that's fair enough.

Take care!

 

[tyler3000]

better to have loved and lost than never loved and all that. Imagine being 30 and never having been wanted, fancied, desired, chased anything. It weighs you down, sinks you to the blackest part of the bottom where you remain.

What is there to drive me forward? No chance of having kids, a partner or family and this ****** society no chance of friends either. Gay guys are now so fussy and youth oriented that I cant even hope to get laid!

There seems nothing to live for really.

James, I'm losing patience. I'll start to bite or cry. It's not nice when your experience is ignored, is it? I don't think you have to be physically attractive to attract someone and keep them for years. Some of my friends are, some not. I find all of them attractive, because after some time of getting to know someone, you always find something catching your eye or absorbing the mind. I like you thinking and it's attractive, but you make me also feel down

now we both know that's not true! You need one of three things to get a partner in the gay world 1-Looks 2-Money 3-Youth. I am short, fat, ugly with low self esteem, bi-polar and have no friends and little in the way of family. I don't have a chance. Is it anyone else s fault? No. But it is not mine either.

I do the lottery now. I never used to but less face it, I have more chance of winning every draw for a month than getting a partner. Sure am whining about it but that's just because this thread allowed me to do so. I have accepted my fete and I advise the guy who started this post to do so too.

well thanks for the advice but you guys have made me realize one thing....i am not as cynical and as bitter and as loathing as you seem to be!!!! Oh my god i thought i was going to get support on here and mostly all i have recieved from people is bitter nasty bitchy comments about accepting my fate and being bitter cos i can no longer pull twinks and thats NOT why i started this thread!!! I started this thread because i had just recently lost my best friend and the guy i was dating made me feel like **** and in return i have been bombarded with loathsome ugly comments!!! For your informtion i can still pull twinks and i dont have to accept any fate which you people seem to subscribe to. I am appalled to say the least and thankful because i realize now that there are some pretty hateful people on here who should really look at their own selves before judging. As for the comments about me going through a mid life crisis then i rather think you should know me better before saying that. I look 28 and still get attention and dates its not that that makes me feel lonely its the loss of my best friend and the fact that a real relationship seems elusive.

 

[rivermaze]

Hi Tyler3000,

thanks a lot, another thread and I feel like a piece of rubbish. I don't know where you've found any hatred in the replies. I don't know really what I can apologize for. However, I do feel sorry that you feel that we were useless according to you. Well, maybe I focused too much on replying to James, who seems to be rather frustrated than saying anything to make you feel down. I think that you took also wrong SophiaGrace, as I believe she was referring to James' post.

Tyler3000, we all deal with low self-esteem, but I don't think that any of us wants to hurt others, like you.

I do hope that you will go through the feelings of loss after your partner has gone and you'd enjoy your life again.

 

[cumulus.james]

Because accepting your fate has made you happier?

Not happier. It has stabilized me to accept that I will never have many of the things most people take for granted. I am not dragged down with the desperation of it all. I have never had a partner and I likely never will, so what do i do? Sit dwelling and moping and despairing? i try to accept it as far as you can, because it is in the nature of humans to hope and desire things. So always at the back of my mind is the hope and desire for a boyfriend. And it goes deeper than that too. I cant go to places where I am likely to see gay couples together so a gay bar is out of the question. A couple of months ago I was walking to town and saw a gay couple holding hands, I had to rush into the bushes and cry because you get overwhelmed with envy and jealousy and despair when you see such a thing.

For women it is different. My sister is not a very attractive women. But she has a womb. she went online, opened here legs and now has a beautiful baby girl and is given a wage and a 2 bedroom flat by the government. On top of that the groups and events she can go to and the people who will talk to here now who would have ignored here in the past. So going off topic any girls of childbearing age who ware lonely on here have a kid! Seriously, you get a lifeform who depends on you and the UK government will pay you for the privilege.

I am probably an *******. But I have earned the right to be.

 

[acarperson]

I think it is true the world over. I lived in San Diego until I moved to Nashville, Tn for a job. I could not find work or love in San Diego but had friends in the same boat that understood. I tried to keep lovers but each left to find a better option. It seams gays have one eye on the door always. I am alone in Nashville and find that the gays here are the strangest of them all. They are so far in the closet and only look for a quickie. I was never into that. It is because we are outsiders looking into the rest of the world so we have no rules. Here they are to frightened to be found out for fear of job loss, at least in CA that is not true and they have a larger social support network. Here I feel like an island, I am 48 have no wrinkles so some say i look younger. I think it may be that I never smoked and drank lightly. Gays tend to drink a lot as they miss their family that will not accept them, this is not my case they just lived in the wrong places. My fate may be a long one as My family lives into their late 90's. Odd to think this is almost half way for me. I still feel personality comes first the rest is fluff. Even when I was young I felt that way and dated not so attractive peers and friends asked why. I will say I had no better luck with them it was and older richer guy for them as they had youth.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

I can't imagine what it's like to be gay. People are so cruel to gay people, I really don't understand it?