Getting by with bare minimum

[MazieG]

A few years ago around this time I could barely get out of bed. Presently I am just barely getting out of bed. I am slightly better than I was, in that I force myself to get up, I have a job now, I am also going back to school as an adult ( which is something I feel shame about, when I should feel proud of myself). I never felt this way until a couple of years ago. To be fair I had several life changing events occur one right after another - but Ever since then I have been struggling to feel normal again. I have hope that one day I will function normally, in that it doesn't take all of my energy just to shower, that more often than not I can't even find the energy to go to the store, cook dinner, do laundry....

The truth is I feel like such a failure. The more effort it takes to do simple things, the more it reminds me of how much of a failure I have become. I feel like less of a person because I went through a solid year of some pretty intense losses ( job, family, friends) all one right after another that I lost the ability to cope. I had very little to no form of support through these losses. I am married, and my husband really isn't someone who wants to be supportive to anyone- financially he will support , but emotionally he just doesn't care to connect with anyone on that level. In fact the more support I needed, the more he seemed to resent me.

I am now approaching 40, I have 1-2 friends that I would consider genuine friends, but they are busy with their kids and families. My husband just can't provide emotional support, nor does he have any interest in doing anything other than sitting in the garage. I just feel so alone. The more alone I feel the harder it is to look forward to anything, I am trying to get better - but all I do is exist. I honestly don't know if the loneliness is why I feel so ashamed and depressed, or if it's depression that causes me to struggle this much every day. I just feel so frustrated that doing the bare minimum is so hard.

 

[TropicalStarfish]

Thank-you for sharing your story; I can relate to a lot of it.

It's a predicament, sometimes.

My sister gave me a chicken soup for the soul book, one time. I didn't expect to get much out of it; but, a lot of it was actually quite touching.

I'm not sure why doing simple things becomes so hard; but, I think the best thing is too keep forcing one's self; sort of like forcing yourself to eat when you aren't hungry, but need to eat.

I hope your days brighten up soon..



I think I will go meditate now; I'm having one of those rough moments. Maybe I'll feel a bit better afterward...

 

[MazieG]

Thank-you for sharing your story; I can relate to a lot of it.

It's a predicament, sometimes. I a

My sister gave me a chicken soup for the soul book, one time. I didn't expect to get much out of it; but, a lot of it was actually quite touching.

I'm not sure why doing simple things becomes so hard; but, I think the best thing is too keep forcing one's self; sort of like forcing yourself to eat when you aren't hungry, but need to eat.

I hope your days brighten up soon..



I think I will go meditate now; I'm having one of those rough moments. Maybe I'll feel a bit better afterward...

That is a great suggestion, I had not even thought about that book in years, but never read it. Sometimes losing yourself in a good book, can really help. Thank you. I hope you feel better as well- those rough moments are the worst !

 

[TropicalStarfish]

That is a great suggestion, I had not even thought about that book in years, but never read it. Sometimes losing yourself in a good book, can really help. Thank you. I hope you feel better as well- those rough moments are the worst !

also, if you are inclined to look into literature, there is https://www.gutenberg.org/ (free out of copyright e-books )

 

[user 148069]

Hi Mazie, my situation is similar to yours, I can relate. You are not alone and you are not a failure. Just a couple of days ago, I was fatigued and slept almost the whole day, had no energy to get any chores done. But today is different, manage to do some chores and cooked a meal. There will be ups and downs, the bad feelings will subside. Don't stress out too much if you can't get a whole bunch of things done in a day. Take care and I hope things get a bit easier soon.

 

[StarDust]

Hi Mazie, We can be the worst judges of ourselves. During tough times, I usually tell myself, "Okay, this is day 1". Start fresh, and keep it simple.

 

[Yeti1980]

For the record, there's no shame in doing what you're doing. Going back to school is very positive and a very proactive move towards self betterment. That's hardly a failure now is it?

Try to be positive about things as much as possible. The funny thing about depression and/or low self esteem is that it takes all the same facts and makes them all seem negative, even though you deserve to feel positive. Depression is a terrible thief in that regard.

I'm saying the above from experience, rather than wagging a finger. Bottom line is that you deserve to feel happy and to feel fulfilled as a person, and the the things in the way of that are what need working on.

Wishing you all the very best.

 

[MazieG]

Hi Mazie, my situation is similar to yours, I can relate. You are not alone and you are not a failure. Just a couple of days ago, I was fatigued and slept almost the whole day, had no energy to get any chores done. But today is different, manage to do some chores and cooked a meal. There will be ups and downs, the bad feelings will subside. Don't stress out too much if you can't get a whole bunch of things done in a day. Take care and I hope things get a bit easier soon.

It can be so frustrating sometimes, especially when I know I am capable of doing these things, but for some reason I just cannot. My past success reminds me of a current failure if you will. You are absolutely correct when you say there are up's and there are downs. Each day is different that is for sure.

 

[constant stranger]

You describe your predicament really clearly, MazieG and I can visualize what it might be like because it sounds so very much like the home I grew up in. Depression and feelings of shame are difficult patterns to change.....it can seem so hard to just move and being as alone as you describe it can be like fermenting in your own personal vat of distress.
I wish I could make things better for you. Do you have a healthy diet? Lots of fruits and vegetables? Cut back on the sugar and simple carbohydrates. Omit sugary soft drinks. Really......we are what we eat.
Give yourself some kind of reward or congratulation for all victories......going to school, doing well at your job. Every day get accustomed to at least one accomplishment........starting with baby steps if you have to, make a pattern of momentum, like a trajectory. Moving in some way is the opposite of depression.

 

[Sir Joseph]

MazieG, your history and circumstances are too incomplete and complex for anyone to offer a simple cure here, but let me add a different perspective by asking: how do you judge success or failure with yourself and your life? If that self-identity view affects your feelings, motivation, and daily activities so much, wouldn't it be wise to ensure that you've got that foundation right?

As a Christian, I believe that the entire purpose of our lives is to know and love God more each day and to learn how to love others. That's the standard of success and the only thing that lasts - not our careers, possessions, or various other pursuits that consume much of our time, attention, or concern. Once one accepts this (truth) sincerely in our hearts, each day becomes a purposeful opportunity to look forward to.

Having no family, career, or active social life myself, it'd be easy for me to feel depressed, unmotivated, or unfulfilled if my faith did not keep me focused on what's most important. It determines my self identity, shapes my character growth, and gives purpose to my life. If you don't have that, then I'd encourage you to seek it.

 

[Adamcastro86]

A few years ago around this time I could barely get out of bed. Presently I am just barely getting out of bed. I am slightly better than I was, in that I force myself to get up, I have a job now, I am also going back to school as an adult ( which is something I feel shame about, when I should feel proud of myself). I never felt this way until a couple of years ago. To be fair I had several life changing events occur one right after another - but Ever since then I have been struggling to feel normal again. I have hope that one day I will function normally, in that it doesn't take all of my energy just to shower, that more often than not I can't even find the energy to go to the store, cook dinner, do laundry....

The truth is I feel like such a failure. The more effort it takes to do simple things, the more it reminds me of how much of a failure I have become. I feel like less of a person because I went through a solid year of some pretty intense losses ( job, family, friends) all one right after another that I lost the ability to cope. I had very little to no form of support through these losses. I am married, and my husband really isn't someone who wants to be supportive to anyone- financially he will support , but emotionally he just doesn't care to connect with anyone on that level. In fact the more support I needed, the more he seemed to resent me.

I am now approaching 40, I have 1-2 friends that I would consider genuine friends, but they are busy with their kids and families. My husband just can't provide emotional support, nor does he have any interest in doing anything other than sitting in the garage. I just feel so alone. The more alone I feel the harder it is to look forward to anything, I am trying to get better - but all I do is exist. I honestly don't know if the loneliness is why I feel so ashamed and depressed, or if it's depression that causes me to struggle this much every day. I just feel so frustrated that doing the bare minimum is so hard.

Damn!

That is a lot to take in, but I understand it. I went through everything you have gone through and still do. First seek therapy. You can do virtual therapy from home and seek a provider that performs CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) this type of therapy focuses on shifting the way you think in order to lift the gripping suffocation and empty victories you feel you have on a daily basis. Out anything I can tell you this is the most important. As for your husband there is not much you can do about that the best advice I can give is make friends on this forum and see if you can have a pen pal to talk emotionally with, but be careful you do not cross the line of potential infidelity. To often women in your shoes fall prey to gradual escalation and before you know it you crossed a line you never felt you would cross set firm boundaries for yourself if you seek emotional support from anyone outside of your spouse. Logically I know I am not a failure even though I was forced to retire young I still make enviable money compared to most people who work normal salary jobs. It is a suffocating feeling, but you can overcome it with therapy. Second get sunlight. Go for a short walk starting at five minute intervals and listen to a song or audio book you enjoy. Sunlight and good entertainment makes you yearn to continue. This will release endorphins that will help lift your spirits and give you proportional energy and mood lift pertaining to length of walk. For better results once you are walking a mile a day run the second half and walk an extra .5 miles. Take baby steps. You will find yourself craving to complete a task and you will take joy in the completion. The most important step to success is always the next step from the one you currently on. I hope this helps and I’m okay with a PM if you need emotional support I’ve been on the verge of suicide from crushing depression and many other mental health ailments with no full fledge cure. Stay strong and always take the next step!

 

[Deosil]

Just try and remember that you are not alone. There are also safe mental health help forums and support groups you can find on the internet (these places have helped me immensely. Please use them to reach out and always keep talking to others about your struggles.

 

[peggyparsi]

You might suffer from depressive tendencies - ever considered seeing a therapist?

 

[hundal]

Hi Mazie, We can be the worst judges of ourselves. During tough times, I usually tell myself, "Okay, this is day 1". Start fresh, and keep it simple.

Yes, i agree with you i too follow the same thing.