ghosted

[terryjw84]

i was recently ghosted by my gf, this isnt the only time it has happened, it happens too frequently for me and perhaps more than i would like, wow hurts terribly, it says you arent worthy of bare bones minimum communication, what has happened to our society folks ?, where this is now established as an acceptable social norm ?, ghosting is so popular apparently they coined a term for it (ghosting), feels awful i wont lie, but maybe it is by design, to make us feel that way, maybe the people who are doing it are miserable in themselves and want the rest of us miserable too, truth is people discard eachother al too easy, and then we wonder why we are so alone in this modern age, how did this ever gain traction ?, has it happened to anybody else ? can anybody relate ? love and hugs to al here , what times are we are currently living in ?, most of our systems are broken or overstretched (at least here in the uk), the mental health system is a shambles, loneliness a modern epidemic, no sense of community or belonging anymore, and on top of that we now have to tolerate abuses and behaviour like ghosting, people treat eachother like absolute rubbish these days, we served our purpose then discard, we are just commodities seemingly, anybody else feeling completely lost and worthless folks ?,

 

[Unsigned]

i was recently ghosted by my gf, this isnt the only time it has happened, it happens too frequently for me and perhaps more than i would like, wow hurts terribly, it says you arent worthy of bare bones minimum communication, what has happened to our society folks ?, where this is now established as an acceptable social norm ?, ghosting is so popular apparently they coined a term for it (ghosting), feels awful i wont lie, but maybe it is by design, to make us feel that way, maybe the people who are doing it are miserable in themselves and want the rest of us miserable too, truth is people discard eachother al too easy, and then we wonder why we are so alone in this modern age, how did this ever gain traction ?, has it happened to anybody else ? can anybody relate ? love and hugs to al here , what times are we are currently living in ?, most of our systems are broken or overstretched (at least here in the uk), the mental health system is a shambles, loneliness a modern epidemic, no sense of community or belonging anymore, and on top of that we now have to tolerate abuses and behaviour like ghosting, people treat eachother like absolute rubbish these days, we served our purpose then discard, we are just commodities seemingly, anybody else feeling completely lost and worthless folks ?,

Yeah I was ghosted by my SB 10 months ago.
I'm better off without her. MUCH better off.
But it still hurts. A lot. I'm still trying to get out of the depression over it.
I KNOW she is making her newer, younger, chubbier, poorer, far inferior "free boyfriend" miserable.
I know she is. Because she is a mentally ill dependent.
But in my mind...I am always imagining that she somehow transformed into a perfect, submissive, housewife type for that soft, pathetic little slug.
And the thought of that makes me drink. A lot.

 

[TropicalStarfish]

I'm old school. What's wrong with good old fashioned abandonment or some one disappearing on you? It doesn't really bother me. People have their reasons. If it hurts, you deal with it, and move on. If things go that way, it was probably for your best anyway.

That word is not in my vocabulary. I've got enough problems.

Good friends are hard to find some times. And some times it's a struggle to be a good friend. You do your best to do to others as you'd have them do to you.






What's happening to our society?

It's going through some growing pains and some tough times. Perhaps we'll come out of it brighter than before, eventually; or, perhaps we are entering into some dark ages. Perhaps both.

Can I relate?

I'm sure everyone can, in some way. Humans can be very selfish creatures, and they also have the capacity to be very giving, loving, and nurturing. It's harder to open up, and be vulnerable, if we've been burned before. And for many of us, when we are younger, there are less demands from life, so life is a bit more care-free.

The times we are currently living in are marked by a rise in authoritarianism, and the repealing of liberal ideas, notions, and values. When people are stressed very highly they A: become fearful and consequently sometimes become angry; B: they look for the nearest thing to assign blame for their not-so-well-understood problems C: stop thinking rationally and fall back on superstitions, D: begin to think more about their immediate needs (become more selfish) E: become less trusting, F: etc., etc., etc.. All kinds of weird stuff happens. The world has always been this way, there are just ebbs and flows, for each respective society, and the world they are interconnected to.


The mental health system isn't, 'broken,' it was never sound science to begin with. Philosophically inquiring into the nature of the mind, yes, can have it's benefits; but, not always. Plenty of literature that dates back to the 60's and 70's that can tell you what's wrong with the, 'mental health system.' As a clue, they used to cut out pieces of people's brains and call it a, 'treatment.' Does that mean talking one on one, with some one who genuinely cares, and is knowledgeable in the ways of the mind can't be helpful? Of course not. But, it also points to the fact humans are fallible creatures.

Lonliness is not, 'an epidemic.' Not everything in this world is clinical and scientific. Plenty of it is common sense.

For example: what do you think would happen if the majority of the modern world was given a handheld computer to keep with them at all times and gave them access to whatever information was available on the internet, and the majority of the people using those machines, used them to attempt to get, 'strokes,' for their ego, and watch the kind of things created by the kind of people that need a lot of ego attention?

Would it make for a society of people that are easily influenced by influential people who like to get noticed a lot? Would it possibly lead to a lot of misinformation and disinformation being spread quickly (if we are to believe Churchill when he stated: "A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.")

And what do you think would happen when they invent computers that can think, and think for you on command? What do you think would happen to our ability to think and reason if we deferred most of it to a computer, to do it for us?



So, yes, in many ways I feel quite lost. But, feeling worthless is a choice. I don't define myself in terms of, 'worth.' Maybe erroneously, I do some times. But I am not a diamond ring. I am not a hand-held computer. I am not a unit or a widget. I don't really have, 'value,' or, 'worth.' I'm priceless. I am sun beams, and star dust (some days you feel like a piece of sh*t, too, but, what can you do?).

By many people's standards I may be a loser; but, what's so bad about that? Plenty of a*sholes with money who have their sh*t together, doing jobs, and living a life style that is only holding humanity back. And even without being critical of others who, 'apparently,' are better off. Just being alive, and able to see a sun rise, or a cloudy sky, or think thoughts, and have memories, and feel feelings, or having had felt feelings; that's pretty amazing. Even just being able to take a breath of air: wow. Simple things like that don't always seem to have much splendor to them; but, they really, really can, and do.

Pretty cool stuff.

I do very often pity myself from time to time. It's an easy trap to fall into. And I certainly don't enjoy criticism from others when things already seem difficult enough.

But, you'll find, from time to time, you can get to a place where, you don't need to say, 'ow,' every time you scrap your leg or bump your elbow. You can mudder under your breath: "Son of a beech, that hurt!" But, then you can laugh at yourself too!

 

[terryjw84]

agreed i am adopting the mindset of **** em lol, i had been alone 4 years prior to her rocking up into my life, it sucks dont it peeps ? but what can ya do lol

 

[TropicalStarfish]

Everyone has to leave in the end eventually.

As for me, I'd rather not be angry about such things. That's what I'd like to do. You do that for a time, maybe. However, there are things to learn. Did I emotionally invest too much into some one? Do I need to be careful I don't over-correct by not letting anyone in anymore, after the fact?

Sometimes a bird comes and makes a nest in your tree. Other times a monkey comes and takes some fruit, and leaves a sh*t.

 

[Unsigned]

Sometimes a bird comes and makes a nest in your tree. Other times a monkey comes and takes some fruit, and leaves a sh*t.

Yes I totally get that.
It's just that here in the US and in white Western Christian countries in general, the expectation was always that if you are a "good guy", you will get a "good girl". That is the "American Dream" that I was sold as a kid, and unfortunately it is not true. Not anymore, anyways...

 

[CenotaphGirl]

My honest opinion is some people are pathetic, they aren't worth the energy… its tempting but theres no point trying to figure out why they ghost, if they aren't grown up enough to say, “this is where our journey ends”. That should tell you all you need to know

I am sorry you have met such a pathetic person and wasted valuable energy on them, in truth, you now need to ensure you waste no more and move on Good Luck

 

[okidoke]

Yeah it happens. They just have better things to occupy their time, for whatever reason you’re not a priority anymore, they’ve had enough, they’re hopeless at any confrontation, etc etc.

if you look objectively you can most likely see indications in the final few conversations. What I don’t get is where the other person is actively engaging with you, and then disappears like aliens had just beamed them away. Like almost in the middle of their last sentence. It’s mystifying to me.

 

[terryjw84]

thanks people, i took on board what you said there, i believe it says more on the other individuals part than it does ours, what i am getting at is times are pretty ****** in general, we al each have our demons to endure, bills to pay, chores to do, jobs to go to, and it feels like people are getting worse out there, on top of everything else, if i call them out on it i am the bad guy if i stay silent over it, i didnt try hard enough, in terms of ghosting i dont mind being somebodies non priority anymore, heck i am used to it lol, i just wished they would say so and then i would leave them to it, closure of sorts, knowing where you stand, is imperative, mind you i will leave them to it anyways, clearly they have more important issues to tend to, lol, like the commenter above stated it was exactly as you described mate, she was conversing for months daily, video chats the lot, hours on end, i thought i was into something, and suddenly nada, only thing i can think of is somebody better looking came along, it hurts sure but in this day and age i think we should try and expect the worse from people, they are behaving so awful nowadays, thanks for the advice and the feedback guys and gals, it appears we have al been there, this place is pretty cool i have to say, thanks again for the well wishes and hope your al doing very well, god it sucks so bad, but as stated here by the previous poster they just did a vanishing act, i havnt bothered to reach out to them since, and wont be, and in fact removed and blocked them, what atrocious times to be alive lol

 

[CenotaphGirl]

Hey dont take me the wrong way but its like, men in general do way too much internalisation. As a woman… I couldn't if I tried. It has nothing to do with you why they have no manners, or respect. It’s like if someone didn't hold the door open for me in a situation it would naturally deem someone with manners should hold the door open, I wouldn't think wow… I must have not been good enough or a priority enough… I would think, what an ill-mannered person, it’s an awful time to be alive, but I promise theres people who are raised well in this world please dont attach someone elses poor behaviours to yourself or your value, as theres often no relation. You was a priority, you deserved respect, they didnt honour that, please forgive them and think positively about yourself hun

 

[TropicalStarfish]

Yes I totally get that.
It's just that here in the US and in white Western Christian countries in general, the expectation was always that if you are a "good guy", you will get a "good girl". That is the "American Dream" that I was sold as a kid, and unfortunately it is not true. Not anymore, anyways...

That's not true man. You know this. The old saying has always been, "nice guys finish last." And even that saying isn't really true.

There has never been some confident and secure, 'American Dream,' waiting for anyone, at least not in my world. I watched George Carlin's stand-ups growing up. There is no American Dream.

It's hard to be optimistic on this forum sometimes, because there is so much suffering. And the truth is, I'm not really an optimist. heh. Although admittedly, it's quite foolish to think a simple forum post and a few words, could make any difference.

But, surely some times it can.

(I'm not trying to give you a hard time, I think you know that.) It's tough. I get it.

-----

@terryjw84 as for your situation, I don't know the particulars. I don't really see how, 'blocking,' some one helps anything. Especially if they have ended contact with you. If it was a purely online relationship, something may have happened to them. It could be any number of things, including hurtful scenarios.

I get it. Things like this can hurt. I really do think, especially those of us who are susceptible to despair, need to attempt to cultivate a better outlook a little bit.

I look around at my world and my surroundings and my circumstances, and I sometimes think to myself, 'man, if this isn't hell...'

But, I also remember. Perhaps I am fortunate in that. I remember what it was to wear my heart on my sleeve. I remember what it was to not hold grudges. And I remember what it was to not only know, but experience, how beautiful this world can be.

So, don't give in to that bitter, despairing mindset. Sometimes you can't avoid it. But, for me anyway, I really, really just don't want to accept that's how things are, and I see no reason why they should be, because they simply aren't. There's good people out there. There's love. There's selflessness out there. There's birds, and bees, and clouds, and all that junk.

I remember what it was like to not be bitter. And if you've forgotten, I can tell you, it's wonderful. Yes, there are still pains there, and fears, and calamity. But, it beats being bitter about it, if my memory serves me correct.

I'm no expert on how to process and deal with anger, and all that; and I'm not saying you are a particularly angry person, I'm just speaking in general to the common sentiment expressed on this forum some times.

I always used to give people the benefit of the doubt, and it lead to some great friendships, interesting experiences, and all kinds of stuff.


------

That's why I think people need to stop engaging with what I'll call this, 'new speak,' bullcr@p. Words like, 'ghosted,' and, 'toxic,' and all those ugly words. Words like that leave no, 'grey area,' and they certainly have no color to them, beyond the simple monochromatic ugliness they paint things to be. There is nuance, subtlety, complexity, and simplicity to things. People really don't paint pictures in pure black and pure white, if they paint in black and white at all.

Our pains in life, they are colorful, and rich, and unique, as are the causes. To be capable of feeling such pain in life, is to know the opposite end of the spectrum as well, how full and rich the spectrum of emotion and experience is, in this life, good and bad.

-----

I'm going to post this, rather than delete. Maybe some one will get something out of it. Anywho.

Perhaps this person had an understandable reason for disappearing, or maybe they didn't. Either way, take it easy. We have the capacity to love and hope and cherish one another. There can be pain there, but, at least for me, I hope I'd never trade that capacity, for fear of being hurt...

I tend to impersonally rant from time to time, so pardon me about that.


Hang tight, and look up now and again. There's heavens up there. heh. (behind those rainy scottish clouds, that is...)

 

[ardour]

To ghost someone she's been close to without of so much as a 'goodbye'/'all the best' reeks of immaturity, self-absorption, and cowardice.

However, they'll be many zoomer or younger millenials who think it's justified because something something Patriarchy [insert trendy rational/politics here] and maybe go as far as to call you "entitled" for expecting consideration, simply cause you're a guy, or they view relationships as transactional and fleeting. It's best to be careful where you complain about this and to whom IRL.

Stay away from reddit in particular.

 

[terryjw84]

thanks again lovely people, well i had a read back of the message thread we shared there was nothing in there that suggested it would happen, or anything untoward, she was growing more distant tho which i didnt pick up on at the time, so that was likely a clue, i get it, people move on, there priorities change, they meet newer better people, i guess put it down to experience and move on, we did have an argument just prior maybe it was that, i guess it time to move on and re focus, concentrate on my little self lol, thanks for the great advice here i appreciate it, i think we dudes do tend to internalise a lot more lol, you al made some very deep points there, i took it on board, and omg it always rains in scotland btw lol, i dont believe it stops for long but then i am a little weirdo who loves the rain pmsl, thanks again people, god reddit is an absolute hell hole aint it, i am amazed at what gets posted on there , some subreddits are crazy, this site seems much better though, so thanks for having me here, and giving me great advice, i try and turn the corner lol, i hope we can al break out of loneliness soonies too, i am checking local places like mens shed and see how we go, the workplace i find friendships seldom form esp if it a competitive work environment, but we see, thanks peoples i appreciate the rly great advice provided here, ps it will likely rain today lol

 

[terryjw84]

ps i love george carlin lol, i am fond of americans have to say, every american i ever met was lovely warm and friendly, they have a confidence to them i find that many of us brits lack lol, george was a legend, i like his *list of people who ought to be killed* video that went viral lol, bill burr is quite good too, very outspoken lol pushes the boundaries, thanks people

 

[okidoke]

Carlin rocked.

 

[TheRealCallie]

"Ghosting" has always existed. The term is the only thing that's new. (I also hate that word) It sucks, yes, but you have two choices really....either let it consume you OR realize that person wasn't worthy of your time and move on.
The news this morning said there is a massive search for the Loch Ness Monster going on this weekend. Nessie, the ultimate "ghoster." How far are you from there? Maybe go join the search. Real or not, that would be kind of fun, I think.

 

[okidoke]

The news this morning said there is a massive search for the Loch Ness Monster going on this weekend.

What a waste of money. There just isn’t the aquatic life present in that loch to sustain a food chain to ultimately sustain such a monster. Idiots.

 

[TheRealCallie]

What a waste of money. There just isn’t the aquatic life present in that loch to sustain a food chain to ultimately sustain such a monster. Idiots.

I don't believe it's a scientific search. Just a bunch of "monster hunters" and curious people going to look for "evidence." It's not really any different than going to haunted houses and the like, is it?

 

[TheRealCallie]

And let's be honest here, there are far worse places to visit than the vast beauty of the Scottish Highlands....

 

[user 139760]

Carlin rocked.

I loved Carlin.
That being said, I've seen some of his stuff gets taken by people and tossed back out to prove political views, by both the left and the right at times. That doesn't sit all that well with me and it sucks. Considering if he were still alive, he'd likely flip all of them off lol.
He considered himself a free thinker. I doubt he'd enjoy his material being used to push either left or right ideologies.